How I realized I'm aro :>

[Keith]

Hi! In this post, I'll tell you how I realized that I'm aromantic. (I've already mentioned on this forum how I came to that conclusion, but I'll do it again, just with more details this time).

So I've always had problem with differenting my emotions and dealing with them in general. However, I've never had these problems with other people emotions 🧐. I mean some of them did confuse me, for example love, but it didn't stop me from helping others with dealing with them. (I used the word "with" a lot of times in this.... My apologies). But I thought that me not understanding love - especially the romantic one - was due to not hitting the puberty yet. I decided that I can wait with that. I'll wait until somone loves me, and then I'll obviously fall in love with them.

That's why I was relieved, when my closest friend back then told me, that she's in love with me. I thought that I loved her too, romantically, so I agreed without thinking. Although after about 6 months of dating, I realized, that our relationship doesn't really look like a romantic one, because even if I felt different while being with her, it was nothing like those romantic feelings that are described in romantic movies/books, or even by my parents. But I thought that it's just a part of the process of falling in love, so I let it go. And it was honestly a big mistake.

It felt like I was lying, but not only to myself, but also to my girlfriend. Because of that I started to get really anxious while being around her, which resulted in us loosing contact. 

The feeling of guilt didn't let me live in peace, so I decided to write a romantic letter, where all my feelings will be explained. I thought it would be easy, because despise my introvertism, I've always been a very talkative person, so I've never had problems with fiding words to describe things I wanted to say. I couldn't be more wrong. It took me about 2 hours to start writing, and about another 2 to finish. But even after I finished, it didn't look like a letter you'd write for you significant other. If I'm being honest, it came out more like a letter you'd write for your close friend.

I couldn't understand why was that, though. I made sure to involve the key word "love" in it, so why wasn't it romantic? 

That's exactly when I realized that I'm on the aromatic spectrum. Since that I've been researching more and more about aromanticism, and now I'm almost sure, that I'm fully aromantic. (I just don't really want to accept it).

And that's it! That's my story! Sharing this with you, is an another way for me to say: I'm really grateful that I found this page. Seeing other aromantic people makes me feel less alone in my experience!! 

(Ps: sorry for grammar mistakes!! English isn't my first language and I'm still learning it 💔)