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Always super confused about platonic/romantic feelings and don't know how to approach it

Guest mashedpotatoes


Guest mashedpotatoes

As a girl, I have always had special feelings for girls, but mostly in a squish way where I wanted to be really good friends emotionally and sometimes physically (non-sexual). I've often felt super confused trying to identify myself since I don't really like/fit labels, but I don't exactly know how else to approach my own sexuality. I've got a (squish?) on a friend and I feel happy just getting to be closer friends and hanging out. I can't see us as anything other than what we are right now, but I also feel lots of crush-like symptoms, and I feel slightly envious of other people who are close to her, especially guys. I feel sad at the thought that she'll be with a guy (straight), but at the same time I cannot imagine dating her at all. Thinking of her rejecting me seems painful, but also thinking of her liking me back in a 'romantic/flirty' way or any sort of non-platonic way seems scary/unnatural/unwanted. I think I just want to be important to her and close to her, but I have trouble telling her how much she really matters because I don't think she reciprocates that same 'special' feeling I have for her, even though we are very good friends and I seem to only like her platonically. Does anyone have any insight/wise words for this?


Side note: there is another girl who I sort of have the startings of a QPR with, but my feelings for her are feel very different and I feel much less unsure about it because we are both queer and seem to reciprocate around the same level. I also feel like these feelings have stabilized/turned more platonic, whereas I still feel somewhat infatuated in the first case.

Thanks for reading my post, I have never really opened up about it this much before <3

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