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Am I aromantic?


Guest veryconfused
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Guest veryconfused

So, hello! Sorry, I'm not quite sure where to start. I guess it can start with the fact that I don't really know what romance is. Or, more accurately, I do not know what romance is for myself. I have been in several relationships and currently am in one now. When I get a crush or like a person, I get this intense desire to spend time with them. To learn more about them and share things about myself. At first, I'll get nervous and flustered, but once I'm in a relationship, I feel okay. As though the butterflies I felt were out of nervousness than actual attraction.  I find myself content with the way things were before we started dating and am not too interested in advancing things in what would be conventionally romantic.

I have felt the urge to kiss someone before but it was more out of curiosity. It was not unpleasant and I wouldn't mind doing it on occasion, but it is not something I necessarily need. I am far more content with resting my shoulder on their head or just being close to them. I'm not entirely sure how it would be different from a romantic relationship and honestly, I'm not sure I want things to be different. The more I think about things changing, the more I want to hide. I just like spending time with the person I like and if it was the first time this was happening, I would have broken things off, saying I'd rather be friends. But this happens every time I am in a relationship. I'm just really confused...

I don't want to lose our closeness or their affections, but at the same time I don't want to lead them on and give them false expectations only to disappoint them in the end.

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So, we cant answer whether you are Aro or not, the only person that can, is unfortunetly, you. You might well be somewhere on the spectrum, and I would have a look at some of the stickied posts here to see if you identify with anything being said. Additionally, this link might be useful, if you think you might identify more with a specific orientation then as Aromantic itself (Lithromantic/Aporomantic/Akoi(ne)romantic? Greyromantic? Frayromantic? Hyporomantic?)

As for your current relationship, telling the truth is rarely a bad idea. At the moment, the truth is you're confused about your feelings, you dont want to lose the closeness or affection of your partner, and you have affection for them, but you're not sure its romantic love. Spend some time talking to your partner about what you both feel for each other, and what you both want from it. It might end up with you breaking up, but if you have a real discussion and end up breaking up, then odds are that would have happened eventually anyway.

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Guest veryconfused
1 hour ago, Sili said:

So, we cant answer whether you are Aro or not, the only person that can, is unfortunetly, you. You might well be somewhere on the spectrum, and I would have a look at some of the stickied posts here to see if you identify with anything being said. Additionally, this link might be useful, if you think you might identify more with a specific orientation then as Aromantic itself (Lithromantic/Aporomantic/Akoi(ne)romantic? Greyromantic? Frayromantic? Hyporomantic?)

As for your current relationship, telling the truth is rarely a bad idea. At the moment, the truth is you're confused about your feelings, you dont want to lose the closeness or affection of your partner, and you have affection for them, but you're not sure its romantic love. Spend some time talking to your partner about what you both feel for each other, and what you both want from it. It might end up with you breaking up, but if you have a real discussion and end up breaking up, then odds are that would have happened eventually anyway.

Thank you! I've had this feeling for a few years already but it always fluctuated and left me confused. The link really helps a lot and I think I'll take you up on that advice. I'm pretty scared but, like you mentioned, we'd probably break up eventually if I never make my feelings known. This is honestly quite frustrating but its nice to have the help and knowledge of others. :))

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