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Is my Crush a Squish


Allan
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Okay so a bit of background I just found the term Aro and I'm still not entirely sure I am.  I recently became friends with a person who I am attracted to.  This wouldnt have been a problem had we not started dating and becoming more than friends.  However I was reading things about how an auto person may think of an ideal relationship as just friends who happen to have sex.  That's what I want, is there more I'm expected to be feeling.  Again I like this person alot we are good friends and I don't know if this can be considered leading them on.  Cus that is not my intent but it seems like people expect more and I don't know what that would be or even look like.

 

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HI Allan,

I'll take a stab an answering you, but note that my response is coloured by my experiences, and may not line up with you as I think they do. Ultimetly, everyone is different and the only one that can truely answer your questions is you.

1 hour ago, Allan said:

However I was reading things about how an auto person may think of an ideal relationship as just friends who happen to have sex. 

 

This is overgeneralised, but is an aspect. Having said that, I have been in several romantic relationships where I did feel this. My partners were wonderful people, I cared deeply about them, and was sexually attracted to them, but I didnt feel the romantic attraction people talk about. I even assumed thats what romantic attraction was.

1 hour ago, Allan said:

Is there more I'm expected to be feeling

 

I dont know, is there? To a certain extent this is up to your partner and yourself. My past partners all seemed to believe they loved me more than I loved them, or that I didnt romantically love them (that should have been a sign for me). However, had I explained what I felt then its possible they would have been happy. I did love them, I even would have been happy married to one or two of them, but I didnt feel that romantic love people talk about. One way I came to the conclusion I am Aro is by comparing my feelings for my best friends and my past relationships. I realised that I felt the same friendship for my best friends and my girlfriends, but with added sexual or sensual attraction. It was basically an equation for me. x + y = romantic love. After chatting to a married friend, it seems like thats not how it works.

1 hour ago, Allan said:

I like this person alot we are good friends and I don't know if this can be considered leading them on.  Cus that is not my intent

 

As The Genie in Aladdin said "Tell them the truth." This doesnt necessarily mean tell them you think you might be Aro (though could do if you think they would be accepting), but be honest about your feeling for them. Of everything I've said, this is probably the most relevant. Being honest is massivly important regardless of what your relationship looks like.

Finally,

1 hour ago, Allan said:

I don't know what that would be or even look like.

Have you come across the term QPR or queerplatonic relationship? Maybe thats what you actually want?

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