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Having trouble accepting what I may be


Emmy
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Hello! I've recently discovered the possibility that I might be along the spectrum of Asexuality, specifically demi-romanticism. The more I began to think about what it was like growing up, the more things made sense. But honestly, I've been having a lot of trouble accepting what I am stating to believe is a part of me. Growing up, I never desired a relationship with anyone in my school, which was fairly large, nor did I ever develop a crush. It was never that I didn't want one, I very much wanted one, the kind of romance that you see on TV and in my parents. Every year, I would always try and look to see who I thought I wanted to date, but always came up dry. However, when I went to the local fair with my best friend, whom I known for 1 year now and someone that I had no interest in whatsoever, I had decided to sneak a picture of her. I remember looking at the picture I took and seeing my friend's smile, which she never does, and then I noticed just how nice she looked in that moment, and a sudden fuzzy feeling. I even wondered why I never noticed that before. Now I've been someone who has constantly craved strong connection with everyone I meet, and all the signs and everything add up, but I find myself wanted to find any other label. It also doesn't help that I've never had anything noticeably different with my sexual attraction, if anything my sex drive is doing more than just fine. I think that growing up in a society where a romance that sweeps us all off our feet has been so ingrained into us makes accepting my demi-sexuality the hardest part. Knowing that I'll never experience the spark of finding "the one" out in the wild and that it could take months to years to ever want someone for life is terrifying. Hook-up culture is everywhere, and no one is ever interested in waiting for someone to get feelings when their already knee deep. Afterall, by the time it actually happens for me, they'll have moved on to the next girl. I can't make someone wait for me. I am not even sure if anyone else has felt this too. I think I am just hoping that someone out there knows how I feel and that I am not alone. So here I am, shooting my shot. 

 

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You're definitely not alone, that's why the demi label exists. Don't lose hope,I'm sure you can find a romantic partner if that's what you want. Plenty of other people want the same, after all.

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Take it from someone who has been in romantic relationships (despite being Aro) in the past... You'll get used to it. I promise. It gets better. I swear. 

There comes a point where you embrace it because you realize that happiness comes from within, not without. 

It falls into place alongside all the other things about yourself that you've always struggled to love... Like cellulite or a crooked tooth lol. One day, you just realize that it's just part of what makes you, YOU... and you accept it and love it along with all the other stuff. 

Maybe it takes time... Life experience... Struggles and failures and trials and errors along with victories and achievements and joy and contentment... Maybe that's just my opinion 🤷🏼‍♀️

However... It WILL get easier and better. That I will promise. 

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