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Questioning my gender identity aaaaaaaa


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Hi, I'm very new here but I just felt like putting this here. I currently identify as female and use she/her pronouns but I'm not sure that's what I'm most comfortable with. I've always had this little character living in my head named Maddie, short for Madden. They've changed a lot over the years, they used he/him pronouns at first but I've changed it a lot. I think I originally imagined them as a romantic partner which my mind immediately rejected, I've grown to think of them as my 'ideal' best friend but lately I'm starting to think it's something else. 

As I was continuing to design this character in my head I realized that they wear the clothes that I've always desired to wear and they have the personality that I've always wanted for myself and the music taste that I've always tried to acquire for myself. So I think Maddie might actually be my ideal version of myself. And when I think more and more about it I've always wanted to be a bit more masculine presenting and I would be a lot more comfortable with they/them pronouns. 

This is all really new and I don't know as much as I would like to about gender identity, I've never met a non binary person before and almost everyone at my school is straight and cisgender. I'm not sure if I really want anyone reading this but I guess I just wanted to let it out. 

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