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Perspective and assistance


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I've been doing some research on the aro-spectrum and I feel like im definitely somewhere there, but some input would be amazing to get a clearer perspective.

I am very sexual/flirty and I feel like I've had crushes before, and Ive even had relationships where I thought I really liked that person to the point of romantically loving them, but then its almost like a switch gets flipped, and all of a sudden I cant even tolerate being touched, talking to them, I dont even like that person as a friend let alone as a romantic partner. It doesn't seem to be based on return of affection or romance or anything like that, which is why Lithro never appealed to me. Up until this point I enjoy doing the romantic things: dates, holding hands, I used to enjoy PDA etc I can come on super strong, like that crazy girlfriend, full on I want to see you everyday, I cant get enough, and then its like snap, crackle pop, Ive been hexed to never want to see this person again...


It almost feels as though I have been touch starved because I can go years without a partner, and then I get all soaked up and then that switch is flipped back off again, this can come at varying times. sometimes its a couple weeks, couple months. never longer than about 6 to 12 months though. My latest partner Ive been with for three years. I never really noticed when the effects of that honeymoon phase started to slip, I was so determined to make this relationship "work" that all the unhappiness was just part of being in a relationship, compromise and all that...



My crushes have never really involved daydreaming about a relationship or anything like that, they almost seem like an overly sexual squish. There are people in the past that I have met on the internet who I thought I wanted to meet and build a life with by staying as possible an internet partner or QPP, but again, once I've met them for real, and gotten the need for touch and intimacy out of the way, it's like the switch for a relationship gets flipped (tbf, this only happened the once, and I later realized down the line after this he was kind of a tool anyway and that had a big part in the fizzle out, but this is a big part of the theme) I get to know people, and I think nope, not for me. Am I romatically capable but just romantically repulsed? am I aromantic but romantically positively repulsed?


I like the idea of romance, and I like having someone to come home to, and I want a wedding, but I dont want to get married... Id rather come home to a big happy dogpile that maybe wants to get intimate on occasion, but respects my space and need to not be touched and are ok with me hiding away and not being social almost 90% of the time. I hate having someone who always wants something, or expects something from you, it feels like a full time job, and not a fun one.


I feel like Ive answered my own question by writing this out, but again some clarity and input would be appreciated. I always feel like such a grouch when I come home, but anyone else I know would say the thing that best describes me is effervescent, Im so bubbly I should be the brand ambassador for sprite! Do I just secretly hate people, or is this how aro positive people feel when in a traditionally romantic relationship where one party is aro, and the other is not?

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