Might be Aro?

[Koraka]

Hello!

 

I'm new around these parts and trying to figure out my stuff. I could use some perspective if anyone would like to offer it

 

I've been wondering if I might be aro for a while now? I'm in my early 30s and have tried one "relationship"  a decade ago and boy was I bad at it. I was very, very fond of him but so much relationship stuff just didn't occur to me. Cuddling, holding hands, long phone calls, and constant contact were just not for me. Sharing a bed was an anxiety nightmare. I never wanted to cohabitate or anything. Mostly I just liked hanging out. (he was lovely about it, but always kind of concerned about me, wondered if i had been hurt before in some way)

 

When I was younger I would always get super uncomfortable and anxious when my friends would tease me about someone "liking" me. I had "crushes" on fictional characters, but I didn't fantasize about being romantically involved with them. Like, Rick O'Connell made baby me blush, but I didn't want him to hang out with -me -. I wanted him right where he was, following his librarian wife into adventure. Because I do like romantic stories. I get a dopamine hit from fictional idiots being dumbly into each other. But I've never imagined that for myself? All my happy future fantasies have always involved being alone (or alone with a dozen adopted dogs and cats), with a handful of best friends and my family in my orbit. The idea of future that involved a romantic partner just didn't occur to me. Now that i'm older and have been reflecting on things the concept leaves me uninspired and vaguely uncomfortable.

 

To further complicate things, I've always known I feel sexual attraction, but exploring that with another person has never been a priority for me? I've always felt that what I think about in the privacy of my own head for my own pleasure is kinda my business. But I do feel attraction to people. 

 

All of which is to say, I'm confused and doing a lot of googling these days lol. 

 

Anyways, thanks for reading, hope you're all having a lovely day!

 

 

 

 

[NullVector]

Welcome @Koraka 

 

I think we're similar ages and, in case it helps, what you wrote seems very relatable to me. Particularly this:

On 7/26/2019 at 9:41 PM, Koraka said:

To further complicate things, I've always known I feel sexual attraction, but exploring that with another person has never been a priority for me? I've always felt that what I think about in the privacy of my own head for my own pleasure is kinda my business. But I do feel attraction to people

Really, I just imagined a friend to discuss philosophical ideas and have sex with . From time to time. Without the other anxiety-inducing commitments that would typically be expected.