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Oblivious me


KymiNyci
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I believe I'm aro because of something that recently happened to me. I have this friend (not going to say their name), who wanted to be more with me. I said yes, mainly because I thought I might like him too. Only problem, is that I've never liked anyone before. I've never even had a celebrity crush. I tried, I really did. But after that happened, I ended up having a panic attack. And sense it was after he dropped me off, I ended up having several of them. I finally ended up being able to sleep, but after I woke up and saw he messaged me, I had another panic attack.

 

I tried thinking about what was the problem, and then I realized that I had been ignoring what my body was telling me. I didn't like kissing, I felt it was weird, and I wanted to scrub my mouth out after. I also did not like the hugs or holding hands. I tried thinking about being in a relationship in general, and all I could feel was panic.

 

The only reason why I thought it was normal was because I heard people saying stuff about "nerves" and "butterflies in the stomach". But, I realized that it wasn't that. It was pure panic. I realized that I couldn't continue with it, and I explained it to him. He said he understood, but I'm afraid he thinks this is just nerves over being in a relationship. I don't think it is. I wasn't sad that the relationship ended, I was glad. The only reason why I was sad, was because I knew I was going to hurt him. 

 

I don't know where I am on the spectrum yet, but I feel like I'm very firmly in the not liking being romanced. I like watching it, and reading about it. But I don't like it happening to me.

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Ya, it was confusing at first. I knew that being aro was a thing, but because something like this has never come up, I never needed to study it before. But now that I have, so many things make sense now.

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Did you find yourself thinking it was other things/ making other excuses for why you felt those ways etc?

 

And that's just it. It's not unlikely she has heard of it, but it may not have even occurred to her to try to connect the dots

 

I'm happy for you that you have it sorted out and understand yourself better now though!

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Yes, I did make excuses at first. And I tried to be what I thought was "normal", but when I realized that I was actually hurting myself by doing this, that was when I started to look into what was going on. 

 

Your probably right in the fact of she hasn't connected the dots. I mean, it took several panic attacks for me to even consider it.

 

Also, I am glad as well. It feels like I don't have a weight on my shoulders anymore.

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This sounds like her. She dated me cause it seemed like 'the right thing to do' and did things in the relationship because they were 'normal'.

 

I don't want to label her/ say she is aromantic for sure; but everything just seems to add up, and it would explain what happened.

 

It just isn't the kind of thing most people would really think about. Of course your first assumption wouldn't be 'Oh I must be aromantic'. Your only experiences with romance are the ones you have had and there is no way to see how others experience it when you don't exactly. Thus why she would say things like she 'isn't a very touchy or affectionate person' and 'the connection we had must have never been a romantic one'.

 

I'm so glad I stumbled upon this forum and aromanticism as a whole, I think perhaps once the breakup is further in the past, and we are friends, I will bring up the idea of aromanticism with her, and see what she thinks. Unless of course, as someone who is aro, you don't think that wpuld go over well?

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I think it depends on the person. Me, I would have loved to know about this before, especially the different types. I never connected it to me, because I like reading and watching romance movies. And to know that there is a type of Aromantic that is like that. That was amazing. 

 

But make sure you don't say "you are..." Or "your more than likely..." Because those two sentences tend to bring people's walls up. Just send her a link to an information site (like this one) and tell her to look it up. At least, that's what would have worked best w me.

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Ok, I think I will definitely bring it up with her. It is worth it if there is the possibility of her being able to understand herself better, as you did.


And yeah, of course I wouldn't say it like that. I will start by asking if she has ever heard of aromanticism, and from there say that it seems to be similar to things she said and felt, and then yeah the links seem like a great idea, and just leave it open to her to explore if she feels like it.

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