CoolK

On 1/8/2024 at 5:26 PM, dewy said:

I don't think I've seen a thread to discuss dating before, so I thought I'd make it myself. Personally, I'm gray aromantic and still interested in dating, but it's a very different experience from someone who's alloromantic, so I wanted a place to talk about it with other aros.

Feel free to discuss anything related to dating here, I'll also ask some questions to start us off. Have you ever dated? If so, what have your experiences been like?

Currently I have dated 3 different people, but 2 were in high school where it's not serious at all, so I still feel inexperienced. Being aromantic certainly doesn't help with that, I never fully understood dating and probably never will but it's fun.

I had 2 relationships I would say left an impact. One in high school I got dumped by my ex because I wouldn't kiss them after we had only been dating for 2 almost 3 weeks. The other one was in college. It was a very toxic relationship and at one point my ex told me I treated them too much like a friend. I still do not know what that means I always thought a romantic relationship was a best friendship with romantically coded activities for fun and to show commitment and care. I also was not aesthetically attracted to my last ex so that might have been part of the problem.

1 hour ago, CanadianBird said:

Depends on the overtone?

That makes sense.

Reading upside down an asexual romance. I have never experienced romantic attraction affecting my heart rate or butterflies that could not just be explained by the fear of being vulnerable with someone weather they are a romantic partner or not. 

Like is romantic attraction just people being more vulnerable with a specific person than they would any other?

24 minutes ago, Lovebird said:

An update for anyone who cares; they dm'd me on another account, saying they already have a new girlfriend. Their GF doesn't let them contact anyone else, and according to them they say their family thinks online relationships are "unhealthy" so they chose someone closer instead. I'm not forgiving them.

The aro community was right all along, romantic relationships never last and are all terrible. I'm never getting close to anyone ever again.

That was unseeded of them to do and cold hearted. Definitely stay away from relationships a while if that's what is best for you. 

I have never done it I want to try it someday if I have a partner that is open to it. I think I would enjoy closed mouth kissing but the thought of French kissing makes me disgusted. Overall it will not make or break my relationship as long as we can hold hands, cuddle, and the emotional closeness and devotion is there.

On 12/21/2023 at 7:32 PM, DreamSeeker said:

For me, I used to think I was romantic, and I figured out I was ace first. So then I did some research and I found out that being aromantic was a thing, and that being asexual and aromantic sometimes came together. It took me a bit before I finally accepted that I was aromantic, mainly because I’m stubborn and I always thought I’d fall in love. Some people feel like something clicked inside of them when they first saw the word “aromantic” but it was kind of the opposite for me. I was really surprised when I finally figured out I was also aromantic. Anyway, what were you thinking when you found out?

For real the discovery of my aceness was very easy because I am a bit sex repulsed. Discovering I was idemromantic took forever because I did not know a sign of being arospec was struggling to differentiate romantic from platonic attraction I am also romance favorable which added to my confusion.

7 hours ago, Milly said:

Same, I feel like it's easier to tell if u are asexual bc of the confusion with sensual/platonic/aesthetic attraction that could be confused as romantic.

Upvote.

I am no crazy and was just struggling to differentiate between romantic and platonic attraction. Good to know.

My whole introducing me post has my story in full basically realizing that all infatuation is not romantic and finding the microlable idemromantic.

I have also experienced heartbreak. Don't feel any pressure to move on from it in a certain time. Lean on the people that support you. It's ok to still love them but recognize you will not be with them in the same way anymore and blocking and going no contact for a while may be beneficial than if you still want to be friends you can discuss it when you are in a better head space. A lot of romantic relationships do not work out. But I believe you will be able to find the person for you in the future if that's what you seek. Don't feel bad for mourning a loss a breakup is a real loss and causes chemical changes in your brain take all the time you need and maybe consider therapy if you can afford it. 

6 minutes ago, Lovebird said:

I just went through my second heartbreak last week, I'm not really coping with it well, personally.

That's to be expected give yourself the time and space you need to feel your feelings without letting them consume all of you. Lean on the people who care about you. I hope you are able to start feeling better sooner rather than later.

I am idemromantic and have to use external factors to determine if I have romantic,alterous, or platonic feelings for someone. 

I have had two prior romantic relationships.I have since come to the uncertain conclusion that I experience a lot of platonic or platonic/aesthetic infatuation for my friends and for the longest time I thought it was romantic because I am romance favorable. Once in relationships I experience alterous attraction which for me is a combination of platonic and romantic attraction. Or just pure romantic I am unsure.Basically what I have to do is look at if I would truly be compatible with a friend before trying to start a relationship. So it's knowing I am not compatible with my friends that keeps it platonic.

But due to the fact that I tend to develop alterous attraction once the relationship is committed it made the heartbreak when I was dumped so much more severe. Because it is like when I am in a committed relationship my alterous feelings are not going to develop for anyone else? Like I do not think I could ever grow tired of a committed relationship with someone I love or just leave someone I am committed to. I was wondering if any of you can relate?

I use the microlable idemromantic. It means I use external factors to differentiate my platonic, romantic, and alterous feelings.

On 7/23/2023 at 7:58 PM, Rackson said:

If anyone has had a similar experience or has any thoughts or comments. Or even if you can think of a micro-label that would fit me. I would love to hear them!

I go by the microlable Idemromantic and do want a romantic relationship or QPR in my case the lines between platonic, alterous, and romantic feelings are very blurry.

On 12/10/2023 at 8:44 PM, hemogoblin said:

This is gonna be so frustrating to hear, but the difference between romantic and alterous attraction (and platonic attraction) is up to the individual. They're not objectively different things with hard drawn lines in between them. What makes an attraction type an attraction type is how the individual person feels about it. When you close your eyes and let your gut pick the term, what does it come up with? When you explore all the terms, which one just makes you feel the most comfortable? Which term are you most drawn to?

Kissing could be platonic, romantic, alterous, sexual, and/or a combo of those things. What makes it any of those is intent, which is completely subjective.

This it's all very subjective which is why I would be happy with a QPR or romantic relationship with a partner I am compatible with. I have to use external factors to figure out if my feelings for people are platonic, romantic or alterous because they are all very subjective and that makes them very confusing for me.

I struggle to distinguish romantic feelings from others myself. Ultimately what helps me is logically examining whether I would be compatible in a relationship with the friend I am thinking about. If not I am most likely experiencing a squish and not romantic/ alterous attraction. You can kiss someone and it just be platonic/sensual attraction.

Hi everyone I am a 22 year old full time college student who on August 9th stumbled upon the label Idemromantic which is defined as Idemromantic is a romantic orientation on the aromantic spectrum. It is a subcategory of quoiromantic and is closely related to platoniromantic. It is described as experiencing no notable internal differences between platonic and romantic feelings, often categorizing relationships and feelings as platonic or romantic based on external factors. It suddenly felt like a lot of things clicked. My last relationship my ex told me I treated them too much like a friend and not enough like a partner. My assumption was the fact that we were dating made everything we did inherently romantic. I guess that's not the case. A few months after the breakup I thought I was crushing on a new friend I made but did not even want to date at the time and ran into a block when I thought about dating them because of how deep their relationship with their best friend is. It's not a romantic relationship but full of affection, a long history, and genuine care. Their is no way I could date that friend and have a connection to them that comes anywhere close to that. The friendship between the two of them is what I want out of a relationship. But with cuddling, hand holding and possibly kissing. After that relization, I read Loveless and realized I was viewing almost every friendship in that book as romantic when they were mainly platonic. Which led me to researching about struggling to tell the difference between romantic and platonic relationships. I landed on the label idemromantic and realised I was not crazy for crushing or thinking I was crushing on so many of my friends since starting college. I did not struggle with these distinctions in high school possibly because I was still viewing relationships through an amatonormative lens and my friendships were less deep and queer. I have since come to the uncertain conclusion that I experience a lot of platonic or platonic/aesthetic infatuation for my friends and for the longest time I thought it was romantic because I am romance favorable. Once in relationships I experience alterous attraction which for me is a combination of platonic and romantic attraction. Or just pure romantic I am unsure.Basically what I have to do is look at if I would truly be compatible with a friend before trying to start a relationship. So it's knowing I am not compatible with my friends that keeps it platonic. 

I hope I am welcomed here and not claiming a community that is not mine to claim. If that is the case feel free to tell me to get out. I feel really invalid as an aroace person that is romance favorable and wants/ is seeking a romantic relationship or QPR. I am hoping to find people that relate to my experience somewhat.