Oko

Don't respond to him. Try to ignore him in your job and if he try "something", just tell him strongly you're not interrested (maybe more times, some people are slow to understand). Good luck🍀

Just boring with the Windows Painting. Do you know this?😀

Yes, you're right. I just think about this feeling-You like the person but imagine dating with him/her makes you sick.

Imagine: You meet a person, really kind and fine person. You become good friends, you find out you have a lot of common hobbies and you really like to spend the time with this person. You like the person like a friend. But the person falls in love with you and want to date with you. And imagine being in relationship with this person (common life and later sex, wedding etc...), you feel sick and unpleasantly. Not because of the person, but because of relationship. You like the person, but "just" like a friend, no more.

And other people ask "Why you don't want to date with him/her? You don't like him/her? He/she is fine." and you don't know, how to answer.

This happened to me a few times and I just want to know your opinion...

I love single life and freedom! I love living alone and take care about myself and my life, just me and nobody else. I can do everything what I want and I don't have to take care about somebody, like "don't do this or that because it's unpleasant to me" 

I like to say with exaggeration "I'm a woman and man in one person in my household" I earn the money, take care about finance and do all the house works. Just me for myself, I don't want to do this for somebody else who would "hinder" in my space...

I have never understood why people say "dear half", I'm a whole human, not just a "half"!

I tried to be in relationship and live with him, and no more! Single life is the best for me and I will never change it. And I don't feel I miss something, I miss nothing.

I'm at work and I don't care about it. I have never celebrated it and I'm not going to start...

I'm 2,3,4 and 5. I'm not sure about 1 because I was in relationship a few times and I still don't know if I was really "In love" or I just liked his interest and I wanted to be with him because he is fine and kind...

One guy told me he can fall in love with girl who he sees 8 seconds. That's what I don't understand. How can somebody fall in love with somebody who he don't know???

Romantic with candles... Somebody put the candles in all the room and call it romantic and beautiful? It's creepy, you can cause a fire!

Breakup... Somebody ends the relationship and he/she is sad like if somebody dies. Why? Just one person disapeared from you'r life (and didn't die). The life continues... or I have just never been really "in love"...

People who are still looking for somebody they could date with, and if they can't find anybody, they are sad and hopeless. They can't enjoy the single life, it's sad...

"Romantic" dinner in a luxury restaurant. Why? It's just too expensive...

These are things I have never understood. And maybe I never will...

Thank you, 4/5 me...

9 hours ago, alto said:

I understand.  I was extremely happy when I broke up with my second ex.  My gender therapist was puzzled, so I made some bullshit excuses as to how horrible she was.  But in reality, I was just glad to be free.

Yes, I'm not the only one.😊 I never visited the gender therapist, but why she was puzzled? She didn't understand you are happy to be free?

6 hours ago, Helion said:

I get you! I also kind of dread having a relationship, having to give one particular person special attention all the time and being "bound" to them in a way. It just sounds tiring and restricting tbh. 

Also the people who don't believe you about being aromantic are so full of shit. Even if you were aromantic due to trauma that would make you no less aromantic. Most people are aromantic or gay or whatever because they just happened to be, some because of trauma or completely different reasons. That's normal.

If your aromanticism was related to your trauma doesn't mean it's something to overcome, it just became a part of you due to a highly emotional occurence in your life. 

You speak from my heart. For me it would be "destroyed life" if I got relationship. I have a bad experince from the past but I don't call it "trauma". That's a very strong word, how you say "something to overcome", something what hinders to you, something what you struggle with. I don't want be in relationship just because I don't want, because it's pointless to me. I'm not afraid of someone can hurt me.I'm just happy the way I am. I just tried to be in relationship and found out I don't need it. It's just useless concern.

4 hours ago, MondoBilby said:

Hells to the yeah, man! Single life rules! I can just focus on myself and achieve my own goals, it’s overall a very chill time! 
I hate that stigma people have that you’ll “never be fully happy unless you’re in a relationship”. I mean, I think my existence debunks that enough lol!

Yes, you're right! How can people think you'll be happy just with something you don't want?🤦‍♀️😀

On 12/9/2023 at 7:52 PM, Fruitpunch said:

Synthetic Adrenaline, I feel exactly the same way about relationships and about joining aro spaces looking for community, but not necessarily identifying with the concept.

Oko, there are identities that are more single-life focused than aromanticism, which encompasses a mix of relationships types. Single-at-heart is a term created by singles researcher Bella Depaulo. She has a new book out as of last week under the same name and Singled Out is an older book of hers that's good. She's great in that she's done a lot of scientific studies on single-at-heart people and how they function and live their best lives. There isn't much research on aromantics, so I appreciate her data. There's a nice chapter in "Stepping off the Relationship Escalator" about solo people, which is another term for people who prize their freedom, independence, and prefer to be single. The aro community uses the word "nonamorous" for people who prefer to be single, though it seems like the exactly definition of it is still evolving. Lastly, solo grew out of the poly community and its concept of solopolyamory, so you might find some resources from searching that term.

Thank you for it. I never heard about this term, but now I read about it and this is what I am. I didn't know exists term for it and I'm glad it is. I will use it if someone will want to date with me :)

I need to tell it, because I need to know if it's normal or not, if exists someone like me. People don't believe me and they think I'm traumatized and I say it like my "defence", but it's not true.

I was in relationship, really bad and toxic. Much times I felt I would be happy and feel better without the man, but I didn't find courage or determination to breakup. Much times we argued (and we said words like "f*ck you", "I don't need you"... etc) and I wanted to breakup but "We had plan, we want to go there and there, it will be waste, I stick with him just more time..."

Then he really disappointed me and I ended it. It was happiness and relief. I wasn't angry he did it, I was glad he did it and I had a reason to breakup. Many people feel sad because of breakup (toxic relationships too), but I didn't. I started to feel happy. During the relationship I felt like "My life is bad. Everything is bad. Why I'm still here? I'm not living, I'm just existing..." but after the breakup this feelings gone. Suddenly I love my life. Is it normal to be happy because of the breakup? Rejoice and don't cry?😊😀

It's not just "I don't have the toxic person in my life anymore", but it's like "I'm not in relationship, I'm free, life is awesome!" I found out I love single life. I live alone in the flat with my cat, going to work and everything is just on me. For some people this is sad, but for me this is awesome. Just me and nobody more. My life is just mine. I want to change nothing. This is what I have wanted all my life. I don't know why I tried relationships in the past. Maybe to find out how is single life amazing.😹

Imagine be in relationship again I feel really sick. I often say "I have the amazing life and I don't want to destroy it by some relationship." My life is perfect the way it is.

I just wanted to tell this. I'm bored of people who don't believe me. A lot of people wish me to find somebody and for me it's worse than wishing me dead. I don't overstate. Is there anybody who feels the same?

I hope I explained it well in english. Thanks for reading. 🙂

I tried it but with automatic translate to my language.

42% asexual

42% asexual and aromantic

17% demisexual

0% aromantic

0% not aromantic

I don't understand the result🤷‍♀️😄

I'm still asking. But I have always known I'm happy without relationships or sex. But I tried relationships a few times, maybe I thought it could change...

I said him I don't want relationship, he said it's ok. Maybe it's just bad experience from the past. I wanted to be a friend with a boy who loved me, I told him honestly I don't want to be in a relationship with him not to do a fake hopes, but he still maked a fake hopes and was angry to me. I don't want it to happen again.

He's not pressing. He said he just want to meet and know new people and it's fine to talk with me. And later he said he likes me. I don't know what to think about it. He does nothing bad, but I'm scared if I imagine somebody is in love with me.

We had a meeting in a brewery with workmates. There was one man (call him K), who worked in our company but now he works somewhere else but he knows the people and came to talk. I saw him for the first time in my life, but talking with him was fine. He knows all the machines in our company and gave to me his phone number if i need advice. It was okay.

Once I came to work and I met K in our smoking room. He said he came to pick up our supervisor (they are friends for a long time) and we talked together, and it was fine. He said I will hear from him. Next evening he sent a message to me on WhatsApp and asked if I will go to meeting on saturday. I said I can't because I have a night shift this day. 

He invited me to a coffee and I agreed because I wanted a friend and he is a nice boy. But when we talked on the phone, he said he have always had "weakness" for small and slim girls. It scared me because I'm the small slim girl.

We went on the coffee together and it was fine and friendly. But when I was about go home, we talked about life and he told me he can fall in love fast, afetr 8 seconds to the girl who he doesn't know. I don't want to judge anyone, but it's unimaginable for me. Later he confessed he likes me. I told him I'm not looking for a relationship and I don't want it (this I told on the first work meeting too and I think everybody know it about me).

We said "bye" and went to home. Nothing happened, but I'm scared. In the past this happened many times. Somebody wanted to spend the time with me and I wanted just a friend. I told it honestly not to get his hopes up. But he still felt in love with me and he got his hopes up and strived to date with me.

What if it happens again? I don't want anyone to love me. I'm afraid he's interested in me, not "just" like a friend. I'm okay to be friends with him but I don't want to be friend with somebody who wants to date with me.

Nothing happens but I'm scared about feelings of another person. He is a nice boy and I wish him to find somebody who will love him and be happy. I don't want him to be interested in somebody who will never requite his love and be unhappy.

I don't know what I should do. Advice, please...

9 hours ago, Keith said:

RIGHT!! (I first commented without checking other answers... My bad) I so wholeheartedly agree with you. Like??? What's so cute about someone literally following you??? 

I also hate when it's presented as the only thing in life that actually matters. 

Yes, right. A good example is Twilight. A lot of young girls who watched it were like: "OMG, Edward is so cute, I love him!" WTF? It's scary vampire stalking a poor young girl! If it happenned to me, I ran away to the end of the world and hoped he will never find me.

I grew up in Czech Republic. Here is normal for young people trying various romantic and sexual partners. Sometimes they have a short romantic relationship, and sometimes they just "enjoy life". It means they have one-time sex with various people, without assurances, just sex and bye bye.

About 20+ years of age they should "settle down", find one partner for life, marry and have kids. (Now a lot of people don't marry, just live together and have kids).

I have always had resistance to it. I have never wanted to have sex with "just someone" and imagine to live with somebody together and have kids make me sick.

So I'm still a "strange person". In my teenage years I didn't "enjoy life" and now (26 years) I live alone with my cat and I'm satisfied. Without partner/husband, without kids, without sex.

12 minutes ago, Holmbo said:

I dislike when romance is presented as a cure for personal problems like mental unhealth or dissatisfaction with life. I suppose it's not uncommon for a romantic partner to improve a persons life overall but it's so prevalent in stories that it makes many people feel it's true for everyone, or that any romantic partner is better than none, or that their life will be perfect if they get one.

Yes. And in the fairy stories: "True love kiss is medicine for everything" Try to "true love kiss" somebody who has an influenza😁😁

Yes, but "don't love/date" is not reason to be angry.

He can't be angry about another person's feelings.

And long kissing scenes. 10-20 minutes shots of kissing people. Various points of view and music. Just kiss and countinue story!

I don't know. I don't want to be in relationship, I don't want to have sex, I'm totally satisfied with my single life. I call it "happy single"🫠

I hate romantized stalking/manipulation etc. The boy is stalking the girl, he is arrogant, narcissistic. The girl is afraid of him and say: "Leave me alone!" and he don't stop. He say "You're going to fall in love with me!" with confidence and she relly falls in love with him. WHAT?🤷‍♀️