Rackson

Hey, long time no post. I recently got into and out of a relationship with a person I met online. I understand that the relationship was never that serious to begin with (it was online after all). But I honestly didn't care that we split ways. This girl was obsessed over me, she would write stories about me, paint things for me, and do everything for me. I did similar stuff for her as well, but it never felt like an obsession or really anything other than wanting to please someone else. And I still feel like I could be happy in a relationship but not love anyone. Anyways, I'm getting off topic. 

Long story very short, I split it off. This girl always promised me that she would come down to where I am located, but she never came through on that promise. It wasn't her fault, but it still sucked that I never saw her irl. You feel me? All this to say, I had a relationship but I never felt the same love that was given to me, and that is one more point for aromanticsm. Which makes me sad :(

There was no real point to this forum post, just to say "I had a relationship, and it didn't make me feel anything"

But, ya know, that could just be cuz it wasn't irl. Idk

On 9/22/2023 at 6:32 PM, HelloThere said:

Holy crap, I-it’s been a bit since I last checked arocalypse. School just rolled back around and I’m just a mess. I’m drowning in homework, and the more there is, the more impossible it is for me to actually do that homework. Every single bit of task paralysis is just taking its course, it took my parents practically staring down my shoulder to get it done and my mind has just been so… elsewhere through all the classes I’ve been in. I can’t tell if I just have a strong addiction or hyperfocus with trevorspace, but it’s just looking unhealthier by the day. I’m legitimately worried and concerned for a lot of my next few months in school; and I just can’t seem to work much without the urge to distract myself, stimulate my mind somehow, any way possible. It’s like all the signs are there and I never noticed them before they were all pointed out. I’m fidgety as heck whenever I’m supposed to sit down at the table, my mind is just focusing on trevorspace roleplays constantly, and I’ve gone to incredible lengths to be able to talk again on there as it’s where a significant portion of my daily dopamine comes from. Even right now I’m supposed to write a talk for church and I accidentally wasted half the time away roleplaying and now I’ve done nothing before my parents get back.

Yep

On 9/6/2023 at 10:25 AM, Picklethewickle said:

The parts about finding yourself feeling whatever other people are feeling sounds like a lack of emotional boundaries. People who don't have boundaries tend to absorb what other people feel, and look to other people's feelings, reactions, and behaviours for guidance. They tend to struggle to make decisions or to take actions on their own. It can be hard to set boundaries at first, particularly when you don't know what your limits are. It might help to start by getting in touch with your own feelings, such as by writing a journal. Give yourself little emotional check-ups through the day, particularly as you interact with other people. Take note if you feel good about what's going on in that moment. If you find you are irritable, tired, or impatient with what's going on, particularly for no clear reason, then chances are someone crossed a boundary without you realizing. Take note of whats going on when you feel comfortable, and compare that to what is going on when you feel uncomfortable. That will help you develop an understanding of what your core beliefs are, what your true emotions are, and where your boundaries would lie.

Can you tell me bit more about this please.

I'm pretty sure we had a very interesting thread about specifically Christianity and aromanticism. If I find it I will update this post.

I have adhd, I got diagnosed in 3rd grade. I have combined type ADHD, and it affects every part of my life. My personal opinion is that everyone has bits of adhd in them, just like everyone has a few ocd type behaviors. And I personally think that people blame ADHD a bit too much, ADHD runs so so much further than being distracted or heightened emotions. It even runs further on a neuro-chemical level as well. I don't have any problem with other people having ADHD, after all its more people like me. But my best opinion after 7 years of people finding out I have adhd and saying to me "Ooooh I think I have ADHD, I super cannot pay attention when my history teacher is talking" is as follows: go get tested, there are psychologists who study this stuff near you. If you are unable to go get a test, then ADHD or not nothing is offical. I don't wanna be rude, but im at the point where I don't know what to blame on ADHD and what else is living in my brain. 

To answer the main point at hand, I personally think that nerodiversity (ugh, I hate that word) and lgbtqia+ correlate. So I wouldn't be surprised to hear a lot of people with ADHD are aromantic, cuz ADHD messes with your brain dude. When you are high on the ADHD spectrum, it really fucks with your thinking and how you act. Idk, maybe im autistic or bipolar, the psychologist is still testing.

On 9/6/2023 at 10:25 AM, Picklethewickle said:

The parts about finding yourself feeling whatever other people are feeling sounds like a lack of emotional boundaries. People who don't have boundaries tend to absorb what other people feel, and look to other people's feelings, reactions, and behaviours for guidance. They tend to struggle to make decisions or to take actions on their own. It can be hard to set boundaries at first, particularly when you don't know what your limits are. It might help to start by getting in touch with your own feelings, such as by writing a journal. Give yourself little emotional check-ups through the day, particularly as you interact with other people. Take note if you feel good about what's going on in that moment. If you find you are irritable, tired, or impatient with what's going on, particularly for no clear reason, then chances are someone crossed a boundary without you realizing. Take note of whats going on when you feel comfortable, and compare that to what is going on when you feel uncomfortable. That will help you develop an understanding of what your core beliefs are, what your true emotions are, and where your boundaries would lie.

I really like this,thank you.

I couldn't tell you man, you are asking a good question to the wrong people.

Everyone in my family blames me for everything.

Am I okay, I don't know. You tell me.

Everyone tells me things, and I believe them. You can convince me that I feel anything. I try and quarantine myself from other peoples input or opinion so I can form my own, but people still get through. I can't stop thinking, and then I overthink, and that makes me stressed so I under-think, and then I don't think about my decisions and act impulsively. 

I joined this website thinking, am I aromantic? But the real question should have been much more broad. Who am I. 

I seem to only feel what other people tell me too when it comes to sexuality and romance. I can't stop. Something changed in me this last summer. Something deep down. I am not sure what to do on here anymore. Aromantiscm is a very real thing, but that can't stop me from wondering. Have we just not found the right people yet? Or are we doing something wrong? I don't know anymore, I am so susceptible to other peoples opinions, that I don't know what to think about anything. I think so many thoughts, but can't decide on anything. I felt fine before. I wanted a girlfriend, but didn't feel those icky feelings for people at all. I didn't know what to do, I probably would have shut up and not said anything and been a looser who couldn't talk to anyone.

But now, I don't know what to think. Every time I make up my mind on anything, I question my decision. I don't know if I am aromantic, asexual, pan-romantic, pansexual, transgender, or straight. Part of me misses the fog that I lived in when I was sure I was straight. There was something nice to not worry or think about any of this stuff, to shove it in the back of your problems so you didn't have to think about it. 

I had my first panic attack a week or so ago, then my first serious case of dissociation,  I never had any of these problems before. So why are they appearing now. Its like the world knew that I was changing, and said "Hey he can handle hell, right?" and now i'm in the thick of it. 

I know I don't need to be anyone but myself, but when you are everyone else, who are you? Who is the person in the mirror, when they are only what people tell them. The only thing I know is that I want to become a better person, for everyone. That's the only thing I can make up my mind about.  

Part of me says "just go with the flow" and continue acting like everyone. But its rough, when you can't make up your mind on important decisions. I don't know if I just want to feel special, or if i'm heartless, or I am aromantic, or I am pan. This stuff is hard, and it just keeps on getting harder. I can't stop. I can't be myself, because I am myself. 

I don't know anything, all I know is that when I make up an important decision, I can't help but question it. It doesn't make sense, and when It does, something seems to reveal itself that changes how I think. 

I hope this reaches someone, because god knows that I can't decide for myself. Whats happening, is this the questioning part of not being straight, because im pretty sure you aren't supposed to question everything that you once thought you knew. 

Im 16 and I can't think straight. Literally and figuratively 

dude i dont know how to fucking tell you this, this isnt a fresh take. This post was like saying "guys, winter is pretty cold". You want cringe culture? well this post is cringe compared to the shit u trash on

if you dont have something important to post, then dont post stupid shit

12 hours ago, LIVI0 said:

found some on etsy. spoiler 4 less space

  Hide contents

 
subtle aro bar pin

subtle aro socks which might not be as subtle bc its literally just the flag tho

aro flower iphone case if u have an iphone

aro bird pin

aroace bracelet set of 3

aro angel pin

etc

Tysm, :)

16 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

During school (I'm not even sure if I have adhd I'm just here to see if I can relate at all) I remember somehow being even... more productive? Idk it's hard to describe because I just felt tired and practically insane half of the time, yet by some miracle I kept my grades high. I even managed to get a bit of drawing done, but I never managed to really focus on it during then. During the summer though, my ability to just do... anything kinda drops to 0 all the time. I've gotten like a total of 4 pages done in the past 3 months, and I just keep getting angry at myself for it. That was like, the whole plan for the summer and the moment I try to get it done, I fail miserably no matter how much I like it. It's like there's a mental block in the way.

Read what I just posted, that is a little tiny bit what it is like having ADHD.

1 minute ago, AstrophelDragon said:

No I like, really burnt myself out being too perfectionistic about school, and my mental health has just been really baad in general, and so this past year has just been switching between too much time on youtube, or rapidly changing hyperfixations every couple of hours (mostly the former though unfortunately). Even in general though my hyperfixations change too much for me to feel like I ever really accomplish much. The most reliable things I can finish are either reading books or learning new songs on the piano/marimba, and now even those are failing me and I feel kind of broken.

The things I go back to are either: telling stories, and making jokes. Those are some of the only things that stay with me. As for feeling kinda broken, I understand completely. My mental health is shit, and antidepressents and ADHD meds aren't helping. 

Sorta vent about ADHD below:

This isn't a fresh take but I think the average person doesn't understand all the problems that come with very active ADHD, they just imagine someone not paying attention and being hyper, they don't see the constant battle with impulses, wild mood swings, how unhealthy some hyperfixations can be, overthinking, constant fidgeting everywhere, blurting stuff you wish you could take back, and the endless stressful pit of fiery hell that is procrastination. People just say "omg, like I couuuuld not pay attention in math class today lol, I am so ADHD" and leave it at that. Society just sees what the media tells them about ADHD. In reality, its like driving a car without power steering, you can sorta control your brain and get it into the general direction that you want, but the car is going to go where it wants to go, even at the worst times. 

As much as I am my own person, ADHD runs my life a lot. It makes me blurt things out when I shouldn't, It keeps me awake at night when I should be sleeping, it makes me forget basic things and names that a normal person should remember, it makes me feel like shit one day and makes me feel awesome the next day, it makes it hard to tell a story without getting side tracked midway through, it makes random questions and thoughts pop into your head. 

ADHD helps a lot with creative stuff, I wrote a 90 page full film script this year and couldn't have done it without ADHD, I am learning how to draw with ADHD, I learned how to code because of ADHD. Its a blessing and a curse, because it can ruin you or help you so much. This is one of those days where I don't like my "neurodiversity" one bit. Because it is a battle constantly. 

I think people shouldn't be ashamed for having ADHD, but it is so so far from simply "being distracted". It is so much more, and all depends on the experience of the person with it. The best way I have heard ADHD emotions described is "With ADHD you either feel way too much, or way too little"

If you have ADHD and are reading this, good luck

13 minutes ago, AstrophelDragon said:

Do you (and anyone else) hate the feeling of not having a current hyperfixation? I do bc it just makes me feel kind of lost. And then I'm going through my list of things in my head that I like, and none of them seem interesting atm, and I just have a few days where I don't really do anything because nothing interests me. And I'm tired bc I just spent a bunch of energy burning through a hyperfixation, and it's hard to get started again.

Yeah, I hate that feeling. It feels like you are wasting your time no matter what you do. I had a time like this about 2 months ago where I would just watch youtube and play videogames, and none of those brought me joy. 

I kinda have the reverse end of this where I can't stop finding new hyper-fixations, and it sucks cuz I can never stick with one thing and get really good at it. 

On 7/5/2021 at 10:57 AM, 9-BBN said:

Hi everyone, 

I'm really trying to pin if I'm aromantic or not and I had kind of a silly question about crushes and "choosing" them. I asked a similar question on AVEN and it seems that the whole idea of choosing crushes is more along the lines of being aro/ace. I'm not totally sure if I am actually chose my crushes as a kid and teen. So it would be great if y'all could give some insight. 

When I was younger, I hardly had any crushes (at least what I understood to be crushes). I can think of 3 people in my 20 years that I thought I had a crush on. But these "crushes" seemed to always be a product of these people paying a little extra attention to me and then BAM it was like that was what triggered this so called "crush". I did develop feelings for these people (I think?). Like I would feel bubbly or whatever and want to talk to these people and be around them. But it never was fantasizing about a relationship or anything like that for the most part. I'm not sure if by noticing these people I was "choosing" or not. Is that what "choosing" a crush is like? I feel like having a crush on someone is being swept away by them or falling for them and I'm not totally sure if that's what this was. Even the one person that briefly became more than a crush, when we would hang out on dates I always just wanted to talk to him and be around him. He wanted more, more physical things that I was never invested in ever and it never crossed my mind that the physical things people do romantically were normal. 

Apologies if this is more of a ramble, but I'm not really sure where I stand on the romance spectrum. It's confusing and much harder to pin than asexuality was

Yeah, I do this shit all the time. It is kinda like being psuedoromantic. But I would always choose my crushes as well. I didn't actually love them, I just wanted to fit in and have a crush like everyone else.

14 hours ago, Maybe Mae said:

Since I saw a lot of fellow autistic people and ADHDers in this thread: I want to hear about you guys' hyperfixations/special interests.

What's cool stuff that makes your brain go brrr?

I have a new hobby like every 3 weeks, but a lot of creative writing, drawing, music, and things that require physical touch and brainpower (like fixing airsoft guns or working on electronics)

9 hours ago, DeltaAro said:

Usually, at this point, the PR specialist or lawyer then steps in.

I realize that, what I felt were light-hearted attempts at bipartisan humor, hurt people, and for that I am deeply sorry.

Lol, im all for it. Chaotic threads are my favorite kind

4 minutes ago, DeltaAro said:

I wonder what you all mean? Less restrictive fit? E.g. tunics?

But also, from my experience, women's clothing is more "comfortable" because it has lots and LOTS of elastane 😈 in it.

Idk man, I think branding mens clothes as "work tough" is kinda dumb, I see a lot of that because of where I am. I kinda just said, that to agree with people and make them like me. I don't really hate the guy who made mens clothes the way they are, Its pretty easy to find comfortable mens clothes.

1 hour ago, EGGHEAD said:

why was it that you felt the need to say this

Facts, I could have died happily not knowing this opinion. But he felt the need to trash on someone else's post just for fun. Wtf dude, you did this over on the teen corner as well, did he just not read the other post that he was tagged in? 

5 minutes ago, HelloThere said:

During the winter/fall, I just have more of a “style”. I often just wear a zip-up hoodie, my favorite t-shirt, and sweatpants. Wow… I seriously think that’s a “style”. Though if I managed to add white and black rings, then that’ll feel more complete.

Ooooh, I love sweatpants 🤎

Just now, HelloThere said:

Anyone else here have a brain that sorta functions in two modes? Like I’m always just thinking in static, or random “colorful” memories of shows, movies, songs, and ideas just dominate my mind.

I feel that, my adhd kinda just overides my internal voice sometimes, but it all really depends if I took my antidepressants that day and my adhd meds.

16 minutes ago, SwiftySpeedy said:

Why was it that the first thing posted here was pure liquid cringe, 

 

Didn't you just say something like that over on the teen corner? Whats up with you?

On 7/25/2023 at 3:01 AM, Maybe Mae said:

Hello! I'm autistic and have combined ADHD.

Welcome to the coolest forum around 😎 

Hope you enjoy your stay!

On 7/23/2023 at 5:26 PM, HelloThere said:

Or sometimes more “how this persons pretty, I hope I get to just look at them, and I don’t want to do anything”.

Totally. It sounds creepy when you say it out loud, but its not romantic or sxual. Just "wow, this person looks really attractive"

Probably not being able to tell when people are acting romantic or in a relationship because I couldn't relate. That for sure made me seem pretty dumb a couple of times lol