Jeez man, life's a freaking circus, ain't it? Been wearing this aroace badge for a solid couple of years now, loud and clear, telling it to anyone who's got ears, yet people, they just keep falling for me. No idea what's up with that, maybe my sparkling personality is too blinding or some shit, I dunno.(lol)
And it ain't like, "Oh, a secret admirer, how charming!", Nah. This shit's heavy, like a sack of bricks tied around your ankle when you're trying to swim. Feels like every time someone's got those goo-goo eyes for me, my sanity takes a nosedive off a cliff. Even if it's the tiniest thing, it hits like a freight train, you know?
Gotta love the irony, right? Here I am, absolutely uninterested, while a bunch of people are doting over me, and I can't do jack about it. No matter how many times I say it, how many times I put on the neon sign saying "AroAce: Please Do Not Fall In Love", they still do.
To add salt to the wound, my close buddies decided to do this with me! Both of them Within four freaking months. And they KNOW, they KNOW I'm aroace. They know I'm not into this, yet they still go and drop this bomb on me and act as if I never told them in the first place!
Did I miss something here? Was there a hidden signal I was supposed to catch? Maybe it's my fault. Maybe I didn't make it clear enough, didn't draw enough lines, didn't shout loud enough. I can't figure this shit out.
I'm trying to still be friends because I still enjoy their company but I can't handle the tip toe feeling when I know how the feel you know? But the mental gymnastics of that, every single time? It's bloody exhausting, man. Leaves me wanting to curl up into a tiny ball and just weep for a week. And they seem fine afterwards, while I'm sitting in my puddle of emotions crying my eyes out.
So here's me, smack in the middle of this mess, trying figure out how to turn off the "like me" switch. 'Cause I can't handle it anymore. This confession carousel is way too much. I just want some peace, some understanding, a break from this constant onslaught of feelings that ain't mine but I gotta deal with. Is there a way to stop this?? Seriously, how do I get people to STOP LIKING ME
Being aroace is one helluva ride. If anyone's got a manual for this, please, pass it my way.
