i remember 1 time in middle school, i was at a sleepover with my friend group, & i was asked who i had a crush on becauseee sleepover thingz i suppose. at that time i had never had a crush before (i'd pretended or tried to convince myself i did on multiple occasions), but didn't speculate on the possibility of me being arospec (i mean to be fair i was like 13); & i was also BEGGING to be accepted by other ppl at the time, especially this group of friends. so i was like "wait yeah i need to have a crush don't i? that's a thing that other kids do, right? will i look cooler if i have a crush? will they like me more?" so i said yeah, but i wasn't telling who. & my friends IMMEDIATELY jumped to the conclusion that it was this one kid i talked to often, just like, cause we've breathed in the same vicinity? cause we were acquaintances (& maybe could've become friends)? i was confused & frustrated, so in that moment i just picked one of the popular guys in my class who i'd never talked to & told my friends i liked him. they laid off, but then i sorta forgot about it afterward, so whenever someone would bring up my 'crush' on that popular guy, i'd think "wait they think i?- oh yeah, i haven't dropped that ruse yet." i even began convincing myself i had liked him at some point despite the fact that i did not even really know him & had no romantic connection to him whatsoever. the idea did fade relatively quick thankfully. over everything, i just regret being unable to get to know the kid my friends initially asked me about, because even afterward they would still talk about "shipping" he & i, & our interactions got more & more awkward over time. middle school is a strange time idk, sorry for the essay
