Lex Barringer

4 hours ago, NullVector said:

 

Hmm. You got me thinking about "representation". What is it? Is it needed? Etc. Does it make sense to be "proud" of being aromantic? Perhaps not. I didn't put any effort into "achieving" it, after all. It's an orientation, something innate, as I understand it. I'm not "proud" of having brown eyes, for example.

 

I still think aromantic representation can be helpful, but it probably works best when it's as a "by the way..." rather than a "look at me!" statement. What do I mean by that? I admire people for certain talents or qualities that they've worked hard to cultivate. The admiration stems from wanting to cultivate similar things within myself. So it's more an admiration of something the person has done or become, rather than something the person is innately. But I think it helps here to have acknowledgment within popular culture (and just culture in general) that aromantics are equally capable of cultivating worthy human qualities. Equally valid as humans. This is where "by the way..." statements can help, I think. For example: "I make beautiful art, look! (by the way, I'm aromantic)"; "I'm involved in this really cool research project, look! (by the way, I'm aromantic)". Etc. Perhaps that's all this thread is about? Identifying people who are likable for various reasons (personality, achievements, whatever) but just happen to be aromantic? So that everyone can go "oh, right, aromantics are just people like me too".

Sure, I see what you're getting at but most people don't go out of their way to say, "Oh, by the way, I'm aromantic", unless someone is hitting on them or making them feel uncomfortable in that certain way that alloromantics are so good at. I guess the easiest way to put this is, don't interject romanticism or aromanticism where it doesn't actually belong or attributable to a given project.

Now, let's say there is an anthropological, psychological and sociological study of the various orientations and attractions, including but not limited to; aesthetic, romantic, and sexual; sure by all means put it out there that you're aromantic. There are times when you should say it and times when it's unappropriate or at the very least it'sdown right awkward. Letting people know that you're aromantic at the wrong time or when they're clearly not ready can be a bit off putting and too much of a shock for some. Believe me, I been in all these situations before, in my youth. I made some major social faux pas back then.

I got into psychology, psychiatry and sociology later on in life; it wasn't until then that I realized how much I torqued people because of how I was putting myself across. Recognizing people in our popular culture that identify like us is one thing or we think they are by their own public admission, as it's hard to see if it's real or a publicity stunt. Aromantics shouldn't feel they need to synch up to popular culture, just being ourselves can gain noteriety if done correctly.

What I'm really talking about it identifying sore spots within your own ego, examining them, figuring out why it hurts, what compels / draws you to associate with popular culture icons that are like us instead of just doing your own thing not caring if what aromanticism and aromantics become a buzzword or not.

I do agree that aromanticism should be talked about openly but by not being brash or in popular culture sense because people who actually control it are all about the money. How they can market schlock to you and people like us by rebranding products and services they used on other orientations and segments of population. One of the biggest offenders in this arena is Viacom, as they own M-TV, VH-1, etc.

Searching for celebrities or other notable people that are of the aromantic orientation doesn't really seem like a worthy cause. To those who are celebrities and other notables, should they choose to talk about it, it's one thing but it's not at all about "representing", that's just garbage.

Representing is just a boastful way to get in peoples' faces about our orientation, that doesn't actually help us, rather it creates more trouble for us down the line. I look at it as immaturity, in the same light and to the tune of Aromantic Pride parades. I don't feel the need to toot my horn for being aromantic; it just is.

Instead of identifying others in the mass media who are of a certain orientation, just let it go, be you're own person. What celebrities say and do in public are often times not what they are behind closed doors. Just be aware of this. Besides, you should use celebrities as your role model anyhow, that's a bad idea, regardless of orientations. They are put under undue stressors and horrible scrutiny, you don't need to add to it by identifying with that person because of their orientation. Be a real person, a real friend, forget about the orientations, go forward.

How do I know this information about celebrities? I know several of them, not just in the United States but around the world. They deserve to be treated like human beings and not used for slogans or "representing" a specific cause, etc. will I name drop? No.

On 10/12/2017 at 11:04 PM, DeMorgan said:

 

I entirely agree, and furthermore believe this principle extends to the proper treatment of all potential relationships.  One shouldn't advise a friend to date another, just as they shouldn't advise them to not.  People ought to make their own decisions regarding such things whether it is to the pride of their friends or their embarrassment.

My point exactly and couldn't have said it any better.

On November 15, 2016 at 12:28 AM, UncommonNonsense said:

Here's a question, folks. 

 

Let's say you have a best friend who you do not/cannot date (for whatever reason - maybe they're not attracted to people of your gender).  You want the best for this person because you care about them an awful lot. 

You're aro.  You accept yourself and your identity, and you're not overly conflicted about being aro. 

 

Your best friend meets another aro person and is interested in this person.  You don't know the person your friend is pursuing. 

 

Would you advise your friend that they should date an aromantic person, knowing that your friend is romantically-oriented?  Or would you tell your friend to give up on this particular relationship?  Would the gender and orientation of your friend make a difference?  Would it make a difference to you if the aromantic person your friend likes is asexual or allosexual?

 

 

It's up to the people starting up a relationship together, how they're going to navigate these waters. A person on the outside of this dynamic shouldn't be the interfering or advising, that will just look like romantic jealousy and rivalry to the romantic person. It's just best to stay out of it. I know my answer is a bit harsh but I'm also looking at it from past experiences and psychology, too.