DeltaAro

On 1/28/2017 at 10:05 PM, Holmbo said:

I feel like everyone should be allowed decide how much hair they keep or remove.

Though there is one objective argument about shaving I can come up with. But it's against shaving.

Most shaving is bad for the environment. Razor cartridges are impossible to recycle.

I didn't want to imply that the OP in the linked post was unreasonable or mean.

17 hours ago, Kickaxe said:

He was worried about mental illness, and simply wanted to make sure that people are getting the care they need, even if he was completely wrong.

Yes, but aside from zir good intentions, the OP still believed that aromanticism is something that should and can be therapeutically treated (no moral condemnation, this is just a fact).

That's something we really have to consider when we encounter “why?” question.
 

Now, what could we answer in such a case? Some obvious truths:

1. There is no way to turn an aro into a romantic.
2. Even if this was possible, the ex-aro might be worse off! Some romantics are chronically not able to engage in a romantic relationship and can suffer a lot because of this. And there is no reliable, successful method to help people with this problem.
3. Aromanticism is not by any measure a “condition” which would justify compulsory admission.

1.) We read “A Doll's House” by Ibsen in school. What a confusing play, far too much romantic love in it!

I managed to get my teacher quite angry with my... unconventional interpretations.

2.) I was known to never “admit” that I had crushes on anybody (I never had them). Then I once made a not so nice remark about a new girl in our class “X is so funny... with her accent. And her silly old-fashioned braids.... who seriously walks around like this? She's like from a Dutch cheese commercial, ok, that would be kinda cute. <chuckle>”

And now my friend started to tease me that I had a crush on her. Yeah, but I didn't and I was extremely annoyed by it.

7 hours ago, Mark said:

It can rather depend on their reactions to how you answer "Why?".
As well as what happens if you ask them why they are alloromantic or what their, personal, motivations for wanting romance are.

Some people think like this and by asking “why?” they attempt being an amateur therapist to cure you.

On 1/28/2017 at 11:11 AM, Mark said:

IME this kind of behaviour is rather more general amongst alloromantics than just from heteroromantic men. Rather that women and homoromantic men may be able to use a little more subtlety.

I agree that monopolization itself is an alloromantics thing in general. But monopolizing while not committing, that's a behavior I mainly noticed in het men.

Questionable behavior as this (well, questionable “even” from an allo POV), is usually not called romantic. We have a no-true-Scotsman-fallacy built into our language. “Romantic” is contrary to “sexual” always positive. We say “Stalking is not romantic!” and the like.

It's like the only adjective we had for describing something sexual was “sexy”. Would you wanted to say “sexy assault”? (no!!!!)

Probably that's one reason why some people still would think “Aromantic men... hey, isn't this like black darkness?”. Which annoys me to no end.

On 1/28/2017 at 11:11 AM, Mark said:

Personally I find it hard to separate romance and monogamy as alien and repulsive concepts.
However there are aros who desire some sort exclusivity (including sexual) in relationships. As well as a couple structure and dynamic. Even concepts such as (queer) platonic marriage...

My opinion would depend on the details. Is this exclusivity valued by itself or does it result from something else by rational considerations?

The latter I could relate to... but the former is weird to me (repulsive would be too strong).

On 1/28/2017 at 11:11 AM, Mark said:

Sometimes I'm not sure if I should feel sorry for or laugh at an allo who's been scammed in such a way. A random stranger on the other side of the world asking for money is hardly likely to be anything other than a crook!

I guess, if the consequences for the victim are benign, it's ok to feel a bit gleeful about it, lol. 

But then there are stories which make you cry. People being scammed out of their life savings, going into debt, committing suicide.

Of course such scams are only the most egregious examples of the dark side of romantic love. Other behavior, like pushing for an apocalyptic divorce of a marriage with children and a mortgage... for no other reason than “falling out of love” (!), is something far too many can sympathize with.

(disclaimer: I'm not against alloromantic people engaging in all the romantic love they want, of course! This is just about the ridiculous adulation of romantic love)

On 1/26/2017 at 7:05 PM, LunarSeas said:

This is so me, in my self imposed celibacy. I gotta get my head unfucked before I can even find a way to tell others what I actually want. If only my libido would actually go awayyyyyy. 

Oh, I just love this board, we have everything here – others are total aces! Sadly, I can't help you with your problem, but be assured, you have my heartfelt sympathies!

On 1/26/2017 at 10:11 PM, NullVector said:

"The process to get there is too much work" is a pretty hilarious way of describing it!  

It's not even laziness per se - I'm not a lazy person, I can work hard to accomplish goals. I just can't imagine myself wanting to deal with all of the drama that seems to typically surround romantic relationships...

I like this Tanaka guy, can relate to him!

Even with the sex drive of my early teens, which was like ten times from what I have now, it would have been “too much work”. Societal pressure was actually a far stronger motivator! Just couldn't walk around as virgin.

And it's not just theoretically not wanting it. Ya know, there could still somebody come around, who pierces your aro heart.

But I've met women who I grew to like very much, and who are really attractive and intelligent. And there still isn't one I started pining away after. It must seem completely natural to everyone but aros, that those ingredients should give an explosive mixture.

On 1/26/2017 at 10:11 PM, NullVector said:

Yeah, I can see it being like "Wow, that is a nice body, it sure would be fun to have sex with that person!" vs. "I need this person in my life! I cannot go on living without knowing if they feel the same way as I do". The second one seems like it would be a much stronger motivator to act and also much harder to ignore and/or rationalize away. With the first one, you can always say to yourself  "The process to get there is too much work" . But with the second one, it's like, you need to know, one way or the other - the perpetual limbo state is not a bearable psychic state to remain in indefinitely. By its very nature, it compels affirmative action. 

And even if cishet men don't fall madly in love, they nearly always get a strong urge like “I must, must monopolize this female!”. In this sense even Conan the Barbarian engages in complex bonding behavior. Sure, it's not the romanticism of flowers of candlelight dinners, but of not being content with just having NSA sex. So, it's really Conan the Romantic and he would be very irritated by a free-roaming sex kitten.

Probably human mate-bonding behavior is part of the higher cognitive functions and so it feels completely natural to allos, like it's just a fundamental part of their personality. And also because of that, romantic love can swiftly disable rationality. And in this state they believe that reading “please send the money with Western Union” and “you're my love, my life, my heart” in the same email is totes normal and not at all suspicious.

On 10/21/2016 at 6:26 AM, Nai said:

Considering I am panromantic and got a 92 on it....yeah.

 

But some of those questions were ridiculous, really. Things like "killing someone for love" and stuff like that.....no, that's not normal, and I would be very afraid of anyone who says that. Being romantic isn't as wild or crazy as that test makes it out to be, for sure.

A bit late, but....:

I think this test is great, ok it's “unacademically” written but it works for our purposes. It detects aros very well.

And those questions in part V are not so ridiculous, imho. Homicidal fantasies are very common in the population, the majority had at least one. And with all likelihood many of them happen in a romantic context. I mean, a few people actually go through with this stuff.

As long as it's just a fantasy, I don't think it's that wrong.

“Everyone is entitled to commit murder in the imagination once in a while, not to mention lesser infractions.” (Thomas Nagel)

Death threats and the like are not okay, obviously. But are they really abnormal?

Anyway, my result in the test is 2 points. Am I the record holder?

174. Do I believe that 'falling in love' is a natural phenomenon?  YES. We see some animal species show similar behavior.

175. Do I reject any suggestion that romantic love is an invention of culture?  YES.

For me, sexual attraction is a very strong “disgust reducer,” which makes a lot of stuff that would feel normally “barf” just neutral/tolerable or even semi-enjoyable, but it comes and goes and is not present in everyday situations. I guess romantic attraction is a “disgust reducer” that works all day...?

I experience sexual attraction as a yearning for someones body, with a focus on the genitals and other erogenous zones and on achieving climax.

From empirical evidence, romantic attraction seems to be a desire for an over-the-top “merging”.

Over-the-top, because romantic attraction compares to the “merging” component in platonic attraction like an industrial strength super-magnet to a compass needle.

It seems very reasonable that romantic attraction alone can bring enough motivation to have sex with the romantic partner. That's probably why romantic sex-repulsed asexuals seem so “broken” to most people. But I digress...

I can experience sexual attraction as “unwanted”. Like craving bacon but not wanting to crave that bacon, because I want to lose weight. Can romantic attraction feel that way? I believe only very rarely.