arofox

Ohh I also LOVE expirencing aesthetic attraction. 

8 hours ago, Angrboda said:

Huge bonus points if they seem to be a nerd XD

Same, hehe. I have a thing for nerdy and soft/shy guys. 

I get aesthetically attracted very easily to people with dark hair and slim faces. Mostly, but not exclusivly guys. Eyes and hair are the best parts of people <3   Also FRECKLES >>>>>>      

32 minutes ago, A User said:

I love knowing that people look cute but i don't have to date them

Yess, it makes things less akward.  Being aesthetically attracted to a coach for example isnt as uncomfortable as what allos have to deal with. I just like talking to him, because his eyes are cool and he is fun. Its so much easier. 

The best thing about aesthetic attraction is that you can practically „just enjoy it“. 

Sometimes I really love being aromantic :)

For me, sensual attraction often comes with kissing. Sometimes I get a random "kick" of sensual attraction. I see someone and I want nothing from them exept kissing. I guess that is how allosexuals must feel like.

Are you thinking about a specific person? If yes, maybe you could look for other sensual thoughts you have when thinking about them.

When I get sensually attracted to someone, I feel a strong desire to hug them, kiss them, touch their hair, their arms or their face. Some specific thoughts I have would be wanting to dance with someone and lean onto their chest or brushing my face against their lashes

Sometimes you feel more than one type of attraction at the same time. Nevertheless you are still valid! <3

There are like millions of articles and quizes for finding out if your crush likes you back. And if you got a squish? There is absolutly nothing on the internet to find out if someone has platonic interest in you.

So, what would you say: how do you know if someone has a squish on you or likes you platonically?

I get romance repulsed when imagining myself in romance. Interestingly when fictional characters, who arent already in a relationship or have crushes on each other from the start, develope romantic attraction, I get repulsed too. I dont care when theyre together from the start but somehow I get really uncomfortable as soon as romantic stuff happens during the plot. I also hate romantic fanfics

Okay that's definetly really, really cool

On 12/6/2021 at 7:46 PM, Apex said:

I've been jealous of friends' relationships when I had 0 romantic feelings myself, it happens.

I definetly agree with this. If you have a squish you want to be special to that person in a way and spend time with them. Thats why you sometimes get jelous when they spend time with other people. It doesn't have to mean anything romantic :)

I'm kinda trying to develope a friendship with my squish and its working quite well :)

I was really happy about it untill a aquintance of mine told me: Watch out, if you're to nice to him he'll fall in love with you.

I know they didn't mean to upset me but now I have this weird fear of my squish falling in love with me and me having to break his heart which would probably destroy the whole friendship :(

Does anyone here get to be friends with their squish without romantic feelings? It has to be possible hasn't it?

At first I realized I was asexual. I'd already heard about aromantism but I didn't really recognized my own at that point. I always had squishes on guys so I thought I was heteroromantic at first. Then I heard about greyromantism and I convinced myself I only had three "crushes" in my whole life (which actually were strong squishes and aesthetic attraction). I was happy with this label for a while but the reason I realized I am actually aromantic is kinda sad?

Due to lack of representation for greyromantism I started thinking about changing my label. I felt like I wasn't "queer enough", not "aromantic" enough if I was "only" greyromantic. So I started digging into aromantism and realized: all my "crushes" were actually squishes. It was pure luck.

Of course greyros are completly valid,definetly "aro enough" and absolutly fantastic <3

It's sad that society still makes us think we have to be "enough" of something to be recognized, even in our own identity

On 5/19/2021 at 7:27 PM, Karst said:

 

As someone who wants to study geology I live for this meme

Today I saw this cool person! Their name is Ian and they´re genderless. I hope they have a great day. 

YMBAI you did "do they like me quizes" because you liked the thrill of figuring out if your "crush" likes you back, but when you thought about what's gonna happen after you find out they like you, you got sad because then the fun of solving the mystery wouldn't be there anymore.

Geez, thirteen year old me really was understimulated af

On 9/25/2021 at 6:02 PM, Ashe. said:

in my life I haven't really heard people talk about romance and sex. it just never happened. I don't know why.

I relate a lot. I did have one friend (she's still one of my closest friends) who was constantly head over heels in love with someone, but the rest just never talked about it. So I thought she was just a special case and I'm just not that into romance.

I got into the lgbtq+ community through the art community and learned about asexuality and aromantism that way. That's how I found out quite early.

Interestingly I also live in a conservative catholic family, but somehow they never talked about either sex or romance to us, or at least very, very rarely.

My mom definetly want's grandchildren from me and my siblings. She want's us to marry the opposite gender and have a few kids, because "thats just how normal people are". Funny how they never have real arguments, only "but god wanted..." and "that's just how it is". Very hurtful actually :(

My dad told us that he wants us to be happy first, but I know that he actually expects grandchildren too.

This made me worry about my siblings orientations, since they're probably aroace too and I feel like I'll have to get kids if they dont.

God I hate heteronormativity

I like not having to worry about crushing on people who are bad for me or falling in love with someone I shouldn't. I squish on a few of my teachers/ instructors, and from what I hear from other people at school having a crush on them seems much harder to deal with than having a squish.

I just enjoy being friends with people without having to worry that I'm gonna fall in love or anything.

On 9/9/2021 at 1:02 AM, 2 Spirit Cherokee Princess said:

So you're saying what makes us different also allows us to think outside the box.

Also this-

Realizing I'm aroace opened a whole new perspective on relationships and life in general for me. There is so much more out there than just love.

Wow thank you, that is actually really informative!

I never considered that for being in love you don't have to have a crush first but now that you said it, I think I start to understand romantic attraction a bit better.

14 minutes ago, nisse said:

in that way, maybe your squishes are informed by an aesthetic or sensual attraction, but still platonic. 

This makes so much sense THANK YOU SO MUCH

I think I do get attracted aesthetically to someone and then I develop a squish on them. Its probably exactly like you said, my squishes are informed by aesthetic attraction but still platonic.

19 minutes ago, nisse said:

crushes and squishes can be a bit intense, while if you become closer that fades into a more comfortable love.

That is also very comforting to hear thank you <3

I really love my family and friends. In a platonic way I really love them. But I'm not platonically attracted to them. I'm not friends with any of my squishes and now that I think about it it kinda makes me sad.

Does anyone else experiences this, where you have different kinds of platonic love? Or are my squishes actually not platonic and more of another kind of attraction?

For example, I love my friend and she's fantastic. I like chatting with her, taking a walk and laughing but the way my squishes feel is a completly different feeling. I want to do the same things with them but I'm attracted to them while to my friends I'm not.

I always thought that experiencing romantic attraction is the same feeling as being platonically attracted to someone. Like, your goal is diffrent but the feeling in general is the same. The happyness, the tingling, ect is what I mean.

Now I read a post from an allo on instagram, talking about how platonic love feels like a warm washclothe and romantic love is like burning from the heart.

I really like this defintion and it made me wonder, is there maybe a diffrence between squishes and crushes? I never had a crush so I can't tell but I'm really curious about it now.

Those of you who had crushes and squishes at some point: is there a diffrence in the feeling for you? Would you say platonic love feels different from romantic love?

I'm out to most of my friends and some lgbtq+ classmates, they all accept me, as far as I know. For the rest it's only "I'm not really into this romance thing" and they accept it more than me using the term for my orientation. I only got called childish once.

1: 5-19. Sometimes its hard for me to decide if it's platonic or aesthetic attraction. I try to picture the person with different hair or something to see if I'd still be attracted to figure it out. Sometimes it's still hard to decide though

2: over a year. We had a lot of classes together for like 4 years? It's interesting since this squish doesn't ever really disappears, it just get's stronger the more I think about it and fades as soon as I don't

3. Yes. Its just guys somehow. Thats why it took me so long realising that I'm in fact lgbtq+

I get squishes very regularly, somehow only on guys though. Right now I have 3 and I just realized they all look kinda alike.

A is a clever and cute looking guy. He's quite smart, a bit of a nerd and we're very similar? A's very shy though. He was the one that made me realize that I'm aromantic. We have like one class together now and I just found out that he's probably aroace too?? I would love to be friends with him and go on platonic science dates. But it's a bit weird since I confessed my "love" to him in eight grade already. I hope we still get to be friends someday.

Same with B. He's very smart and Im kinda jealous of all the girls that he's friends with. I hope I get to be one of them soon. B is very good with politics and sometimes I ask him, when I want an opinion about a political subject. I also thought I had a crush on him in sixth grade so I drew a picture with him and his freckles. Yeah I still love these freckles. We have the same favorite classes and he's so smart argh I want to his friend so bad.

C is a very new squish even though we've been in the same class for a long time. He has very cool hair and a style which is kinda close to mine. Which means we could go shopping together! And I wanna draw him. He is shy and very introverted, kinda a soft boy and so aesthetic somehow? I would definetly love to be his friend so we can draw and listen to music together.

Does anyone else has this fear that when you're to close/nice with people they'll think you have a crush on them?

It happens a lot with me when I hang around with guys [stupid heteronormativity :( ]. I become paranoid of being "to much" and them thinking I like them romantically. Sometimes even to the point where I out myself, just so they know I'll never be interested in them.

I hope that one day I finally will get over this and don't let societies point of view on affection destroy my platonic relationships <3

Okay, thank you guys! You helped me a lot

28 minutes ago, nonmerci said:

"Actually, he's not into any gender as he is aromantic",

1 hour ago, Jedi said:

"isn't into any gender" seems a little stiff, it could just say "isn't into anyone".

I'll definetly try these out and see what they sound like

I'm writing an aroace side character and I need a little help.  Him being aroace is not focus of the story but I do want to mention it, so aphobes can't go and say "don't assume his sexuality, he just isn't into romance, that doens't mean he has to be aromantic, etc...". So I decided to go like this:  

[ "Damn it, you could have given me her number, she was very pretty", I say while taking some weird pink berry from his smoothie glass. He shrugs and rests his head on his hands. "I guess so".  I shake my head. "You have no taste, man". He crosses his arms and raises his eyebrows. "I said 'I guess so', conejito", he laughs. "I can see if someone is pretty. I'm not blind".  Santos also always seems to know which actresses are hot, even though he isn't into women. Actually, he isn't into any gender. I chuckle and take a bite of the berry I just stole. "I'm just joking. She didn't seem very sympathic", I say and gaze over to the other tables. "But I bet she has some information". Santos sighs as rolls his eyes. "Mary please no". ] 

Okay now the thing is, one friend of mine said, that I should add more explanation and that people who never heard of aromantism wouldn't get it. Another friend said I should just leave it that way and anything else would be to much. I'll have to say that I'm not exactly trying to educate. I usually prefere representation by the way and not explictly stated. But if there is a reason to change it, I would put more direct "aro info" in it.  

So, what do you think? Should I leave it like that or explain aromantism more? Or should I just ignore the aphobes and leave it out completly and just go with, "he doesn't like romance, he turns down everyone,..." and this kinda stuff? 

43 minutes ago, Jedi said:

Maybe, but it doesn't quite fit for me personally.

Aah I see!

Then maybe how much you identify with the character is also an important factor?

It's so interesting seeing how everyone deals differently with romance in writing.

When I write, the main characters are usually aromantic or a-spec and asexual. It sounds boring making all characters have the same romantic and sexual orientation but if you think about it, there are almost no books with aro/ace main characters so its fine I guess hehe. Its never the focus of the story though.

Sometimes I give a supporting main character a crush, but its NEVER someone of the other main characters. I don't like friends to lovers. Any kind of romance is usually just acknowledged in like one sentence.

I did roleplaying a few times and my characters are always aroace, because I just dont like feel like playing a romantic relationship

I think that maybe, if you write romance or not has to do with how you feel towards it? I'm romance neutral-repulsed, a little bit more on the repulsed side though. And that fits my way of writing romance quite well I think!