QueerAroAce

Craving that deep non romantic connection? Yes I felt it went I watch that movie, I feel it when I see platonic marriages, cherished friendships irl that are bounderline qprs, sci fi/supernatural stories where the beings have telepathy or soul connections or meld into each other.

Gets me everytime. While I wish for that type of connection, I'm not ready for our closest equivalent to it so I'll try to pursue it when I'm ready for one.

Really needed to hear this? thank you!

I want my friendships to be celebrated, just the length alone of my friendships have outlasted marriages. Why wouldn't I want to celebrate the amazing people in my life? 

Gosh this could be so exciting making up traditions and such. 

My advice?

Platonic cuddle companions where the boundaries and ground rules are set upfront and any changing feelings are communicated so you can distance. Build up a friendship connection first to get comfortable though. 

Many love the skinship but not all want a relationship so best of luck!

On 3/7/2021 at 6:11 PM, Brian requires help said:

Hi, aroace individual here. Kind of a vent/thought jumble wondering how other people find it etc. But basically I kind of have an issue with how most people view friendship. As an aroace person I've always held my friends in like the highest regard, I love them so much and they mean so much to me. But friendship is always viewed as lesser than romantic relationships. Friends aren't generally considered so much of a priority. There's much less commitment. And I get that I guess. But because I value friendships so highly, I find it really hard sometimes knowing that I'll never be a priority to them, that they don't really owe me anything. I can be kind of bad at reading boundaries so I tend to err on the side of caution. Because it's not typical to discuss your relationship with a friend I sometimes struggle with where those boundaries are. It's easy to feel like I don't really have any truly strong tethers. I love my friends and they love me, but they could just bounce and there's be nothing considered wrong with that. It's kind of terrifying, like there's no stability in your life. I guess maybe I'd like a queer platonic relationship. I would like to have somebody that I know I could depend on, that there would be an honest and open line of communication. I just feel like I won't ever find anyone who feels the same sort of way, like they want the same very specific things out of a relationship and that they aren't going to find somebody else who they care more about. I don't know, I guess it just makes me feel kind of lonely, knowing that the people I love don't value my love as highly? Anyone feel the same sort of way? Or like found a partner despite it being more difficult because of romantic orientation or anything or whatever? I don't know xx

Personally felt as if it was me typing this post, it hurts knowing that friendships are not prioritized like other relationships are. My bonds felt even more flimsy when I realized my feelings for them no where matched, theirs for me. 

That's how I know for sure that I want qpp(s), individual(s) that will invest the same kind of interest and commitment into our platonic connection. Sadly haven't found a partner or potential candidates for that.

I also want other platonic connections that may not be QPRs, with people who don't make me feel insecure when it comes to our friendships not make me play second fiddle to their other romantic/sexual involved ones. People who also consider me family like I do for them.

Completely agree with you! People should work on themselves to not carry their unresolved issues into their relationships. Must've been difficult for you! Glad to hear about your self discovery & that you're pursing what you want.

Hope I'm not overstepping, I've been really into articles and videos about platonic co-parenting like between friends to raise children? Or platonically become a family together! Could also be an option? Either way hope you have people to help support you in your endeavors! 

On 3/19/2021 at 6:20 AM, Aversa said:

Hello, 

 

So... I am new to the Aromantic Spec, because... It sounds so negativ but I've always hoped that I am not Aro. I always loved (still do) the idea od dating, couples etc. I read cute fabfictions since I am 12 and always thought 'love will find me one day'.  At some point I started dating, but never felt something but unease. The Idea of kissing is so sweet but doing it... My first kiss was SO disgusting, I wanted to puke (I felt indifferend to any kiss after that first one). 

Back then I thought 'You feel that way because its not the right one.. Yet.' 

Then I came to the conclusion that I am Demiromantic, cause my friends are the only ones I feel really close with. Sometimes I get this 'I would be ok with dating you but not dating you is okay as hell as well.' 

But after 22 years of being single and never having a crush on a real person I started to rethink.  I always feel unconfirtable when it comes to romantic expectations of others. I an Ace for a while now, and at the beginning I thought it was the sexual pressure that pulled me away... But no...

 

I am so confused because. The idea of a QPR seems so perfect to me. At the same time I am always nervous around people I get to close to. I am stiff and overthink and... 

 

I don't even kbow what I am trying to get at here. Maybe just some support or your experieces on finding out what you want. 

 

I just don't want to be alone. I want to have a person for me... And at the same time I just want to be alone. 

 

Please have a beautiful day! 

Personally I feel like I can resonate with your post, took me a long time to accept I could be ace and finding out that I could be aro? Just didn't have enough energy to deal with that. Always rationalising because I love romance, I didn't see myself in a heternormative pairing though, always thought one day I could have that with a platonic friend. Untill I realized the majority values sexually/romantically involved pairings over platonic ones.

I hope to be someone's special someone like in a QPR, because mutual commitment & spending my life together with a lifepartner sounds great, especially if they respect my need for space. 

 Do you know what your boundaries & non negotiables are? Some of mine are all potential candidates must be my friends before I consider them for anything else, I know what types touching I would like to receive and give (with their consent) I know what Relationship dynamics I'm comfortable with (open to poly) I wouldn't mind living seperately or living together one day.

As far as platonic dating goes, I use queer apps like taimi to look for cuddle companions + friendships. While I do want a QPR/QPP or just to be platonically in a Polyamorous Relationship I'm not in a place to pursue one. There's also discord groups for finding QPPs/ ace/Aro dating.

It would be awesome to have an app like that! Gets a bit tiresome explaining how things would work to people that are under the ace/Aro umbrella.

Hey! I wonder about that as well but there are discord groups for finding QPPs & making QPRs, I've never used tinder before though. Also I use queer dating apps to look for cuddle companions? Like taimi for my country.