Finch

I think I could speak to the experience of feeling a link between one's gender and orientation.

I am afab, and still identify as female to an extent, despite feeling some disconnection from it. Being aro may be part of it, though recently, I have also realized I experience some sexual attraction to women. My relationship with gender, and the desire to appear more butchy made more sense when I discovered this part of myself. This could be because women are often portrayed as objects of men's desire, and being in any romantic or sexual relationship with a man was something that had always made me extremely uncomfortable. I felt so relieved when I came to terms with my homosexuality, like everything was coming together.

I have also found that my capacity to feel attraction varies from day to day and influences my relationship with gender as well. On days where I don't feel much attraction to anyone, I feel more agendered, but on days where I feel sexual attraction to women, I feel more female.

There are many days where I prefer not to be seen as a woman, but some androgynous being. It wouldn't be accurate for me to say that I experience gender dysphoria, but I've had some upsetting dreams about my hair growing back long.

On 5/8/2021 at 2:14 AM, sunflowerfriend said:

2. My friend was telling me about her crush on my other (straight, female) friend and how terrible unrequited love is. My first thought was "why is that so bad? you guys are really close friends".

tbh, I sometimes feel bad that I can't really understand it bc I don't really know how to support my friends through it :(( 

Haha, ain't that a mood :D

I sometimes feel bad because it's difficult for me to understand my friend's relationships too. I try to be there for them and listen to their struggles, and that's usually just what they need.

When it comes to understanding romance though, I actually had to consciously study things like "signs that people like someone" or "why breakups are terrible" and "romantic subtext" and the like because I basically don't have a personal frame of reference when it comes to feeling romantic attraction or being in a relationship. Being aegoromantic helps to sympathize with romantic feelings, but it's still no a substitute for actually being in love with a real person.