IdentityCrisis

On 9/1/2017 at 4:20 AM, starstuff said:

I feel like adoption agencies would all favor married couples over two(or more) non-married, co-habitating people.  Can anyone confirm if that's true?

In quite a few instances, here in the US anyway, I have heard of adoption agencies being more reluctant to letting single "parents" adopt. A lot of the reasoning behind it is quite possible due to the large amounts of amatonormativity. There's a lot of pressure to get married before having kids and a strong belief that a family isn't "complete" without both a father and a mother. heteronormativity plays a large role in this as well. And we can't forget the extreme lack of representation and awareness of the Aro community. I personally want to adopt at least 1 kid but I know it'll be extremely difficult without a spouse and even if I were to get married the obstacles wouldn't stop because heterosexual couples are more likely to be allowed to adopt than homosexual couples and if I were to choose to get married it would be with another guy such as myself and likely only for the added benefit of making the adoption process and/or any financial payments easier. Sadly single parents aren't given much credit and if two people aren't married when they adopt then the road to having a child of any age becomes significantly more difficult.

Every time I play DND I forget romance is even an option and like... some of my friends that roleplay in other DND groups talk about their characters falling in love and I'm like, "is that a thing? That happens?" XD anyway I should've know I was aromantic a LONG time ago. I only recently came out to myself even but it makes me feel SO much better about why dating people always seems so disappointing for me when I try it. I also feel more comfortable with aro people as well cuz they're just more relatable than alloromantics. again... BIG flashing signs and I didn't pay attention till I turned 18. I know that's young but it's 2021 let's be honest anyone aver 16 feels 10 years older by now XD

On 10/3/2020 at 7:55 PM, hermi1e said:

CW: transphobia

hi people!!

I wanted to post because I realized like 10 minutes ago that I might be platonically attracted to my best friend, and then i realized that he's the third person I've had a squish on, and also the third trans guy. My squishes have all been trans guys. I want to ask about this bc I'm worried that it is transphobic of me. I'm exclusively attracted to men, but I only have had romantic/sexual crushes on cis guys and I've had entirely platonic crushes on the three trans guys I've known well. (One was a close friend at my summer camp, another was an acquaintance at school, and this current guy is my best friend at school.) So basically, I only ever get squishes on trans guys, and only ever get sexual/romantic crushes on cis guys.

I'm speculating that maybe i don't see trans men fully as men (hella transphobic!) so I never see them as potential sexual/romantic partners the way I see cis men. Also worried that I'm viewing them as people i wanna be platonically close to because i view them as gay-best-friends/platonic girlfriends (ugh i'm so sorry for saying this). People who aren't gonna be attracted to me, even if they do like girls, and who i thus can feel comfortable around. Which, again, is fucking transphobic, bc i'm not seeing them the way i see cis guys (which is usually with a lotta nervousness, bc i view them as people i could date. Except for cis gay guys. I feel comfy around them). 

Ik this is confusing and i'm not even conscious or in-control of a lot of it, so it makes sense that others might not be able to help much, but I'm wondering how I can tell if this is a prejudice and how others might suggest I work on this. I obviously need to evaluate how I see trans guys n stuff, but i'm not exactly sure how. Anyway, thank you! Have a lovely day!

Hi so I'm a trans guy and frankly, knowing that you are acknowledging some possibly internalized transphobia is a big step in the right direction for the subject. It's very easy to see trans guys differently than cis guys because of how trans people in general are portrayed in the media and growing up in a blatantly transphobic society doesn't help either. However, it's obvious that you want to consciously battle this way of thinking. While it is impossible to choose who you are attracted to and in what way you are attracted to them, there are many internal and external factors that go into it. This is also why first impressions are always such a big deal. Everything about a person from the way they look down to the way they walk can affect the way you feel about them. The nature vs nurture argument is important to note here. In reality, nature and nurture both affect the way we perceive the world and I would say that they way you perceive trans guys is from the nurture side of things and growing up in such a transphobic society. Things that are learned can be unlearned so, maybe in the future, as you hopefully move towards unlearning the perceptions you have of trans men, the way in which you are attracted to them could change to. Remember, nothing is set in stone. the way you are attracted to people now could change in 5 years or 15 but as people grow and change so do their preferences. It's ok to just be you as long as you don't actively hurt another person. this is an obvious and conscious effort on your part to not hurt others and that is enough for right now. I hope you enjoy the wonderful path you are leading and make many new discoveries along the way!