Constanze

On 3/7/2021 at 4:23 PM, A User said:

I might be the odd one out, but I think romance is love. Kissing, being touchy, having a relationship (none of which I've done) and I love everything about it

I just don't like the part where romance goes s*xual

That it is meant to be love is quite obvious and so is that many people express it through 'being touchy' etc. But that's exactly it, you yourself kept it very vague. 'love is kissing, having a relationship' To me it just seems like a lot of people have a relationship to not be alone and to not be the odd one out if they are single for a certain time.

So it's not the idea of it that I don't get, it's the reality almost always not representing this idea. What I see does not seem like something I'd want to call 'love'

On 2/18/2021 at 3:43 PM, MulticulturalFarmer said:

Yeah, I can totally relate to this! For me, before I knew the term 'aro' I thought of relationships as a way to get emotional connection via intellectual activities and pursuits, and let's just say that that worldview is not terribly common, sadly. Some people seem to think of it as being overly stoic and not discussing emotions, which can make for a bad friendship or (romantic) relationship, while others don't think that that's a thing a relationship should be based on.

I do agree with what you said about relationships potentially having 'perks' and whatnot, but for me, just getting past the whole superficial views of lust and beauty means that I've rarely gotten to try out aromantic people's 'dating' (aka QPRs), and it doesn't help that a lot of my friends do prioritize their boyfriend/girlfriend over me, so I guess I"ll just have an android (robot, not the phone or tablet!) and a dog to keep me company in the near future.

 

I understand, it's hard to find someone with a similar mindset like this, that prioritize intellect, wether worldviews and wants align and all that. It seems so forced sometimes too, like everyone has a partner just because it is what they think is proper and like they can't function without someone else. What you said about friends is very true too, but I am a person that is very introverted and only has a few well picked friends, so I'm not often bothered by this. I have so many interests on my own that I don't feel like I depend on having any kind of relationship, romantic or not. 

To me romance is the expression of love through actions and words. You genuinely care about them, want to spent time with them. But to be quite honest, I have a hard time grasping the concept of love and romance. So much of it seems irrational and idealized. To me long term relationships are based on being used to each other, I don't understand how anyone can feel honest interest, lust or affection for someone else, at least not longer than the flutter in the beginning. Don't get me wrong, I have tried, but it just seems to not be for me. I feel more happy, more energetic, more productive and just all around good being on my own and even if a relationship has several perks, like sharing difficulties and comfort, it doesn't seem like something to want. Maybe I will meet someone that'll feel different, maybe I won't. For now, I am happy to accept this characteristic of mine.