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About punknoya

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  • Birthday 04/29/2003

Personal Information

  • Name
  • Orientation
    Aro-spec pansexual
  • Gender
  • Pronouns
    Deadass, just call me ‘bruh’. My feelings towards pronouns change too often
  • Occupation

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  1. I’ve wondered a few times if maybe this friendship just isn’t right bc I’ve felt like she dismisses and ignores me regularly (in general, not even in reference to my aroness) but I keep hoping that I’m “seeing things wrong” or something. I don’t want it to seem like I’ve come out of nowhere, for no reason, and decided to end it like a bad person. Letting people go is a lot easier to talk/think about than to actually do, I guess. I keep hoping that things will be less frustrating on my end but so far they’ve stayed the same.
  2. Back in July, I came out to a friend (with whom I have a sort of “romantic” history, which started before I questioned my romantic identity). I sent her a long text pouring my thoughts and feelings of confusion and discomfort out and her only reply was “if it makes you happy” and that was it. What she said isn’t the worst way to reply but I felt like, after something serious & important like that, that‘s like a “whatever”. It felt very dismissive. Now listen, I get it. Not everyone knows how to react in those situations and not everyone knows about some identities so it’s a lot to take in but still. Saying “if it makes you happy” sounds like something you tell someone when they CHOOSE to do something and we all know that these identity aspects are not choices. If felt especially weird since she herself is part of the lgbtq+ community. Idk it just hit wrong. I was definitely expecting more engagement or acknowledgement and that’s all I got, which was upsetting. It seemed like it wasn’t that important to her. After that short text convo, we went on with life like nothing happened. She still acted the same with “romantic” gestures. And I’m not uncomfortable with them all the time but sometimes I am and I’ll tell her and she’ll get upset and say “I’m just trying to be sweet and you won’t let me!! Ughh”. (Which is something she did even before I came out as aro. Now I don’t think she’s ever reacted that way to be outright rude, I understand that it’s hard in this society for people (mainly allo) to really comprehend the idea that someone wouldn’t like romance but like it’s still not an okay way to react, right???) but then I’ll tell her again that sometimes it makes me uncomfortable and she’ll just stay silent for a while until she changes the subject. Not in the obvious way of “ok……anyways” but rather she doesn’t even acknowledge that I said anything and seemingly silently waits until she thinks I’m done with it or over it and then talks about something else. My aro-ness doesn’t come up in casual conversation very often but the few times it does, it’s like she’s not really paying attention to what I say about it. I’ve brought her reactions up recently and she told me that she just didn’t/doesn’t know how to react to it. Am I in the wrong or dramatic for being upset about that? I’m trying to be understanding but it’s just upsetting that it seems like it’s not an important thing to her and that she doesn’t even seem to acknowledge that it’s a thing. (It’s also kind of upsetting that I’m the only one that seems to be trying and putting so much effort into being understanding here…)
  3. Is it wrong of me to want to be loved romantically by someone, and want to be in a romantic relationship and do romance coded things in it, even though I know I probably won’t fully reciprocate the exact same feelings??? I know I could have love for someone deeply in other (not exactly “romantic”) ways but I know it won’t be what they’re expecting. It’s not quite one-sided, I’d still try to be there in all the ways that couples are (though I might not be able to do every little relationship detail), but I still probably won’t be matching their exact emotions. I feel kinda bad that I’d be okay with that. Of course, I’d tell them about my aro-ness and all that but still. Is it selfish to want/do that? I feel like it would be cruel to let someone love you like that when you know you can’t love them back the same
  4. punknoya


    Omg really??? I love that I’m not the only one either :) It’s definitely a bit exasperating that I didn’t catch on right away but it’s also kind of fascinating how they seem to pop up.
  5. punknoya


    Does anyone wanna tell me why I didn’t realize I essentially have aro hair until a WHILE after I realized I was aro-spec???? Half green half black. Like???? I remember that I just looked at myself in the mirror, after going THROUGH it with my identity, and realized… The universe has JOKES, huh… I thought I dyed it that way because I like those colors but maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me something?????????? sighhh 🤦‍♀️🤦🤦‍♂️ Why am I slow on the pick up… 😄
  6. I’ve been in a v similar situation. For me, it was before I realized I’m probably on the aro spectrum. (Which was unfortunate as the other person just assumed it was a regular allo relationship and expected such things. but that whole thing is not for rn lol) but I had that same exact anxiety after the initial “omg a relationship 🥰” fuzzy haze cleared. The thing about life is that there’s hardly ever situations in your personal life where there’s an obvious “right thing” to do. You just have to do things with good intentions and see where they lead you. If this person knows and is genuinely okay with dating an aro-spec person, then you have done nothing wrong. You didn’t lead them on because they were aware of the situation and wanted to be a part of it. But as other people have said: you should talk to this person and discuss boundaries and expectations for the relationship. (Those things are really important in any kind of relationship.) Because it’s easy for a person to say, in theory, that they would be okay dating someone aro(or ace)-spec but, in practice, it can be difficult/different for each person. Some people can’t actually get the things they need from this kind of relationship. Which is definitely no one’s fault, everyone has different wants/needs for their personal relationships (& that’s completely okay and understandable) but you have to know these things beforehand so that you know if it’s right for you both. Because if it’s not, then it would definitely be best to not be together. (As sad as that could be) it would be better for you both that way. Now I don’t think you’re an actual bad person for getting into a relationship you might not be fully invested in. (You would only be a bad person if you got into it w/the intention of hurting someone or while being fully aware that you’d hurt someone & not caring about that.) BUT I doubt that’s what you’re doing, again, as you said: the person knows & is okay with the prospects of dating an aro-spec person. So you have not done anything wrong. It’s okay if you don’t know if you’re completely aro or something else. This answer doesn’t always come easily to everyone. If you still want to identify as a-spec right now, you definitely can. Know that it’s completely okay if down the line you realize that a label doesn’t fit you as well. That’s what labels are for: to help you understand yourself. Sometimes they change and sometimes they don’t. There’s nothing wrong with either of those. Realizing that one doesn’t fit anymore doesn’t mean anything bad. It doesn’t mean that you were “wrong” “lying” or “faking”. It just means that you’ve learned about yourself more, which is a good thing. Personally, I still have no clear idea for myself either so I just say I’m aro-spec as it works as an umbrella term and I just relate more to the aro experience than the allo one. If you feel the same, you can do the same. At the end of the day, what you need to take away is: you won’t always have all the answers right away (that’s fine), all you can do is live however makes you comfortable. Don’t force anything that doesn’t feel right to you. (And it wouldn’t hurt to regularly ask yourself why some things don’t feel right) I hope you find your answer and solution xxx
  7. 1. Thanks lol love the profile pic. We stan a pretty setter 2. I was wondering about qprs, they sound like something I might be interested in but at the same time I’m still worried that whoever I’d over up the idea to, would be offended or upset that I wouldn’t be able to feel for them in the exact same way. Idk, life’s complicated. I’ve still got things to leave about my comfort levels. All I can do is do whatever feels right in the moment. (Which is way easier said than done but it’s the thought that counts lol) It is nice to actively know that people have felt close to what I’m going through That’s exactly what I’ve been wondering for a while!! I still don’t exactly know. It does sound nice but, in the one relationship I was in, I felt off. I assumed it was because I didn’t know this person enough to actually like them yet but I honestly don’t know if that’s really it. Of course, logically I know that there are tons of people in this community that can relate to things I feel but it can be hard to genuinely feel it. This is nice though, I really appreciate you and all the others for taking time out of your day to reassure me and make me feel valid. ❤️ It wasn’t a mess lol don’t worry
  8. It’s completely okay! I do appreciate your words. They’ve made me feel a bit better. Logically I know all of that but it’s nice to hear them from someone else. You are right though, communication is key. I think I would like to have a romantic relationship with this person (hold hands, kiss, maybe call each other pet names etc. Of course not the physical stuff rn, since the virus is still going on) I will have to talk about this with her to see how she feels. I think for right now, I just need to exist however feels right at that time. For now, cupioromantic feels right. If something else feels right later, I have to remind myself not be scared of it.
  9. I’m afraid that someday I may end up feeling something. I know logically that that’s fine and it doesn’t mean that I was lying about how I feel now. That people are always growing and constantly learning new things about themselves but I’m still afraid. I’m afraid that people of past relationships will be mad at me for “playing them” or “using them for fun when I didn’t care about them”. I already know that that’s not the case, I guess by voicing this I’m searching for some kind of outside reassurance?? I’ve thought that maybe I could be either cupio or grey but I’m worried to fully decide on one because I don’t think express it like the “average” person of those identities do. (Which I of course known is dumb but I still feel that) Am I being fair by wanting to be in a relationship with this person even though I may not feel romantically??? I suppose that’s up to her to decide in this specific situation
  10. ***I’m sorry if this isn’t formatted well!! I’m just writing down my thoughts/concerns as they form in my mind*** I’m 17 and I’ve never questioned my romantic attraction before, I always assumed I had it- that I experienced it in the “normal” way- because I love sweet things and I like way too many fictional characters. (As well because I’m pansexual and polyamorous) I do know that I find people of all kinds sexually attractive and I do know that, when the right people came, I would be into having a relationship with more than one person. But lately I’ve been wondering if I actually do experience romantic attraction. My main question is: Is it possible to be on the aromantic spectrum if I like the idea of/want all the things that happen in a relationship? I do want to kiss, cuddle, hold hands, have dates, make out, maybe have sex etc. with people I’m close with but I don’t really feel anything aside from “aw that’s a sweet/cute/neat thing to do”. I keep looking up what “romantic love” and “attraction” are supposed to feel like but I still have no clue. I do get excited and happy reading, watching, thinking of my self in romance situations but when placed in a scenario where I would experience it, it just feels off. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten “butterflies” before. I’ve seen people describe it as “you‘re weightless, floating, nervous, giddy, warm and fuzzy” but the only thing I’ve ever felt towards a person irl is stress, a bit of anxiety and slight excitement (because “omg, I’m finally having a sweet moment!”, yes that’s what I thought) I don’t get any of those butterfly feelings when I think about people I’d be interested in doing relationship stuff with. Idk maybe I just haven’t been in enough relationships to know but don’t people feel all of that even when they’re not in a relationship??? That’s what I’ve always assumed after consuming all that lovey-dovey media. I’ve had a few what I assumed were crushes (two friends, a few celebrities and several fictional characters) but, after reading into aro terminology, they could very well be meshes. I got into in my first relationship at the end of last year but it only lasted about a month or so because it didn’t feel right to me. I liked this girl but we jumped into a relationship way too quickly. We didn’t know all that much about each other so it felt really wrong to me- really insincere. And I was starting to feel guilty since the main reason I said yes was because I wanted to be in a relationship, I wanted to be able to say (not really outright but still) that I had a gf. I feel bad because she says that she actually likes me and still would like to be in a relationship if I’m down. I told her I felt something for her, which is true. I care about her a bit more than other friends but I don’t think it’s the same thing that she’s feeling. I think I just think highly of her and want good things for her. I do want to do cute relationship stuff with her but not because I’m in love with her. But because I just want to. Because that stuff is sweet and cute and it sounds nice. I’m not certain in very many of my emotions. In general, I don’t think I feel things the way I’m “supposed to”. (But that’s a problem for another time) I want to be loved romantically. Though, Idk if that’s because I really want that or if I just want the reassurance that I’m capable of being loved. I feel bad that I think I’d be okay with a single sided romance. Again idk, feelings are really complicated and I really wish I felt things very obviously.
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