confused af

On 1/30/2020 at 12:19 AM, ebonylanes said:

I suppose you feel confused because you aren't even sure what things you are willing to compromise or not? 

For me it fluctuates a lot, so sometimes handholding is really nice and others it makes me wanna bolt and slap someone. This knowledge comes from experiencing, and being open to either liking something or disliking it, without any frustration attached! Although i understand it can be really infuriating when some things you just dont like no matte rhow much you make yourself try (think of it like a..peanut allergy: your body just wont allow for that interaction!!) 

Yeah, that´s exactly it. I just don´t know where is the line. I also don´t want to make the situation weird. I just go with the flow and then I feel... almost attacked? by all the gestures. I´m very overwhelmed when I´m with my boyfriend, I have to mentally prepare for everything. But when I´m not with him and we are just texting, it suddenly doesn´t feel like such a big deal and I hate myself for making a fuss of it. It feels like I´m living in two different worlds. I´m okay with the theory of relationship but practise those kind of actions is just so hard. It´s also that I never knew something like "aromatic person" exists, I literally just found out 4 days ago. I´m still trying to figure out what is going on with me. I wish someone could sort all those things for me but that´s sadly not how the world works  . 

On 1/30/2020 at 3:57 AM, ClearBlueSea said:

Sadly I don't have advice because I'm in this exact situation. Are you me? lol

I´m sorry you have to go through this... Maybe, if you are okay with it, we could chat about it?  

thanks so much! I will definitely talk to him. I already told him that I don´t experience love the same way he does and he was really confused. He thought it was because of him but I explained that it´s just how I´m and there´s no need to worry. What I find really annoying though is that I´m so confused with myself right now that I just don´t know what to tell him more. But I guess with time, I´ll understand. Thanks again for your reply  

Hi! so... I´m a girl, currently 19 yo and I´ve been dating this one amazing guy for 4 months now. During my life, I´ve never had a crush (dunno what that even is. I can recognise a hot or a cute person but that´s all) I only had one relationship before and it was with a girl. We were together for a year and it was an emotional ride for me. At first, I was really happy that I had someone who cared for me, who loved me. I was pretty sure I like that girl too, we had the same opinions on things, deeptalks etc. But I did all those romantic things just because "I had to". I never knew people weren´t like that! Just recently I found out that´s a sign I may be aromantic (while not asexual... that I´m pretty sure of  ) I also didn´t like a public display of affection but I thought that´s because we were a gay couple in not so accepting environment. My girlfriend often pointed out that she feels a lack of affection from me and it was one of the reasons why we later broke up (though there was way more to it... it wasn´t one of the major problems between us). A year later, I´ve agreed to date this guy I met in college. The beggining wasn´t really... typical. We had this one really deep conversation when we agreed on everything, it was like finding a soulmate really. Three days later, we were a couple. I was really excited because this guy is way off my league. He works out, he plays the guitar, he can sing, he can cook, he writes me a freaking poems. He is way more romantic than me. I thought that dating a guy in a big city will be way more easier for me and I won´t be afraid to show "my love for him" in public. Boi was I wrong. It´s still the same panic and "oh guess that´s what I have to do now" feeling as I´ve had before. Weird thing is that I don´t mind doing it in private. I like cuddling and kissing and holding hands. But just when we are alone. In our language we have 2 phrases to express "I love you". It´s like 2 stages at first there´s  something like "I like you" and if it gets serious enough, there´s an "I love you" phrase that has this really deep and raw emotion in it and it´s pretty serious to say it. We are in the 1. stage and I had to push myself a little bit to say it back. Now it´s okay and I really DO like him but idk what will happen when he will say "I love you" to me. I mean I like him... But do I love him? I´m so confused right now... I don´t know if I´m aromatic or if I have just some severe issues with commitment and intimacy. I don´t want to hurt him, and I don´t know what is a right thing to do. I would say him the truth but idk what that is (he already knows I´m bisexual and is okay with it). I also don´t want to end this relationship and then regret it. He really does love me (even though I don´t get why he does so) but I´m just afraid he will be unhappy with me.