Hi! so... I´m a girl, currently 19 yo and I´ve been dating this one amazing guy for 4 months now. During my life, I´ve never had a crush (dunno what that even is. I can recognise a hot or a cute person but that´s all) I only had one relationship before and it was with a girl. We were together for a year and it was an emotional ride for me. At first, I was really happy that I had someone who cared for me, who loved me. I was pretty sure I like that girl too, we had the same opinions on things, deeptalks etc. But I did all those romantic things just because "I had to". I never knew people weren´t like that! Just recently I found out that´s a sign I may be aromantic (while not asexual... that I´m pretty sure of ) I also didn´t like a public display of affection but I thought that´s because we were a gay couple in not so accepting environment. My girlfriend often pointed out that she feels a lack of affection from me and it was one of the reasons why we later broke up (though there was way more to it... it wasn´t one of the major problems between us). A year later, I´ve agreed to date this guy I met in college. The beggining wasn´t really... typical. We had this one really deep conversation when we agreed on everything, it was like finding a soulmate really. Three days later, we were a couple. I was really excited because this guy is way off my league. He works out, he plays the guitar, he can sing, he can cook, he writes me a freaking poems. He is way more romantic than me. I thought that dating a guy in a big city will be way more easier for me and I won´t be afraid to show "my love for him" in public. Boi was I wrong. It´s still the same panic and "oh guess that´s what I have to do now" feeling as I´ve had before. Weird thing is that I don´t mind doing it in private. I like cuddling and kissing and holding hands. But just when we are alone. In our language we have 2 phrases to express "I love you". It´s like 2 stages at first there´s something like "I like you" and if it gets serious enough, there´s an "I love you" phrase that has this really deep and raw emotion in it and it´s pretty serious to say it. We are in the 1. stage and I had to push myself a little bit to say it back. Now it´s okay and I really DO like him but idk what will happen when he will say "I love you" to me. I mean I like him... But do I love him? I´m so confused right now... I don´t know if I´m aromatic or if I have just some severe issues with commitment and intimacy. I don´t want to hurt him, and I don´t know what is a right thing to do. I would say him the truth but idk what that is (he already knows I´m bisexual and is okay with it). I also don´t want to end this relationship and then regret it. He really does love me (even though I don´t get why he does so) but I´m just afraid he will be unhappy with me.
