TatzelwurmMilk

Been loving listening to Arca. Specifically "My 2" on repeat. 

4 hours ago, Neon said:

I do think there is a bit of a blurry distinction between sexualization and expressing sexual attraction, but I think it comes down to intent and consent.

Thank you for sharing! I agree with everything you said in your comment. Consent is definitely the main deciding factor for whether something is considered sexualization. I feel more equipped to spot when sexualization is happening now. 

4 hours ago, Neon said:

Trigger warnings are a way of asking someone if they want to see a specific kind of content. They are a basic courtesy.

I agree! Sexual content would not be being suppressed as a whole if some people don't want to see it. More people should definitely use trigger warnings more often. I always do my best to let my friends know about content that may trigger them if there is no warning. 

1 hour ago, Atypique said:

I don't think sexualisation is expressing your sexuality. For me, sexualisation is taking someone's creation, body or whatever, and see it only in a sexual way. Everyone has the right to experience sexual attraction toward something. It's not like you could help it. However, the problem with sexualisation is that the action then comes back to the original person through your actions, and that can hurt a lot.

For example, an author's work can often be sexualised, through fanfiction or fanart. The characters are less than 18, the author never said they were okay with their characters being sexualised, but people are still making that content. We can think that trigger warning can prevent that, but, like you said, it isn't always working.

I'm being quite severe with the people that are sexualising things, but I did it too so I can't really say anything.

Eventually I would say that sexualisation is acceptable as soon as :

- people are respected, someone that said that they didn't want to be sexualised shouldn't be sexualised 

- it is morally acceptable (no pedophilia or anything like that)

- the people that get to know about the sexualized content actually wanted to know about it

That was really well said, thanks for your reply! I think your definition of sexualization makes a lot of sense, I'll keep it in mind and use it for future reference. 

I also agree with your requirements for when sexualization is acceptable. 

What you said about it coming back to the origional person is very true and reminds me of how there is so much shipping fanart of real people who never asked for it. I hope more people start speaking against it.

content warning: talking about sexualization but not describing it

Was unsure where to put this super long rant/conversation so it's going in off topic. 

I think this is a really interesting conversation where both sides have some good points. This was all way too long to put in a Pinterest comment so I decided to post it here.

This started on a Pinterest post of a meme saying "sick of allosexuals sexualizing everything." 

The two main sides of this argument is 1. sexualization is unhelpful and should be stopped, and 2. sexualization can't be helped and people should not have their expressions suppressed. 

From my perspective, where the disconnect seems to lie between the two arguments is their definitions of sexualization. Is anyone expressing their sexual interest in something automatically sexualizing it? Or is it when people try to argue that something is inherently sexual? Or is it a combination or something completely different? 

My first assumption of what the post was trying to say was that sexualization is when non-sexual things are made to be considered inherently sexual. It would be better for society to not have to worry about whether their mundane actions are being twisted to be seen as sexual to everyone else. I think this was the most accurate interpretation I had.

What made me think deeper about the motives behind the post were the comments. 

One comment came from a person who said they're aroallo and will sexualize whatever they want. The commenter seemed to disagree with the post and be using "sexualize" to mean to express their sexuality. 

A person from another side of the argument replied, "just don't shove it in our faces then <3." This commenter seemed to agree with the post and was fine with sexuality being expressed but as long as it isn't being "shoved in their face." What does "shoved in their face" mean in this context? 

The first commenter replies to the second, "now I will, just out of spite <333," which implies that they weren't intending on shoving it in anyone's face before. 

I think everyone should be able to express their wants, whether those wants are sexual or non-sexual. So, if simply expression of sexuality is sexualization, does that mean we should ban erotic content? Does the sexualization of something even deserve to be banned? Of course there's a time and place for everything and such content shouldn't be shown in public spaces, unless that public space is borrowed and the public is notified, but I don't think anything I've heard so far is justification for that level of censorship. (I don't actually think anyone on that post wanted to outright ban sexual content.*)

I decided to look up the textbook definition of "sexualize," which is, "make sexual; attribute sex or a sex role to." This definition is broader than what I was guessing people's definitions might have been but I'm still not positive that was the definition everyone was using.

I also saw an argument about how sexualized content triggers some people's trauma and that leads into a whole other argument about censorship and trigger warnings. 

Trigger warnings are a very useful tool to prevent people who may come across triggering content to avoid it. There are also personalized options in most social media which filter out whatever content is needed to be. None of these options will be 100% effective because not everyone uses trigger warnings and Ai filtering systems aren't perfect. So, is this then a problem with censoring content and not the sexualization itself? 

If anyone is willing to share more on trauma and how it affects social media interaction, I'd love to learn more! 

Let me know your thoughts on this and how it all relates to the aro and/or ace communities. Feel free to critique my reasoning. I love having these types of conversations. 

On 12/21/2022 at 3:37 PM, flowingleaves said:

i like junji ito

SAME!! The only manga of his I've read is Uzumaki and I love it. His style is art goals. 

I started questioning during my first and only romantic relationship. I was already questioning what genders I was romantically attracted to but hadn't considered being aro until dating. 

I started thinking I might be aro about 6 months into the relationship, (we dated for 8 months.) I remember being super confused why I was uncomfortable with doing romantic-coded things, especially in public. Now I know that was because I am romance repulsed most of the time. Even hugging made me uncomfortable which was especially confusing because I love hugging people, just not in romantic contexts. 

I realized that I am definitely aro after we broke up and analyzing my feelings during the relationship more. 

Quiz1: aro coded villain LETSGOOOOOO mischievous vibes 

Quiz 2: non-human, i'm build different and too quirky for you mere mortals 

Quiz 3: WANDS Avadakadavaaaaa

Quiz 3: frayromantic, I'm literally Elsa

Hey Tallow! 

14 hours ago, Tallow said:

Bonus Point: You got butterflies and nervous around this person. 

(CW: lots of talk about general discomfort and anxiety)

YES, 100%. I have an anxiety disorder so I think that plays into the nervous feeling a lot. I tend to get more nervous around new people, which I think is true for everyone, but because of how anxious I used to get, it seemed like the feeling was too strong to be "just platonic." This was definitely influenced by how I had seen crushes be portrayed before. Crushes are explained like "I'm in pain but it's enjoyable!" which was very confusing because I was not enjoying myself lol. I think that could have also played a role in me finding out I had anxiety later than I could have because I thought that was just how anxious everyone was.

It made me think I had crushes on friends a lot. That made me uncomfortable and I didn't know why but now I know that I am at least a little romance repulsed most of the time. 

14 hours ago, Tallow said:

have any of you felt strong sensual attraction to someone else and mistook it as a crush? Or strong aesthetic/sensual/alterous/whatever else attraction that isn't romantic?

I love hugging and cuddling and I've never thought of it as romantic for myself. I am definitely very aware of touch coming off as romantic though. I feel like any touch comes off as me trying to flirt or something, which is partially to blame on my anxiety. Even hugging in public can make me feel like people are staring. When I know that the person I'm hugging/cuddling doesn't see it in a romantic context and others don't see it in a romantic context, then I can enjoy physical touch. 

I love being able to talk about these things in a space with other people who might feel the same. It helps work though my feelings. So, thank you for asking about this! 

17 minutes ago, NotHeartless said:

Hi and welcome to the forums, Rowan! Hope you have a great time here :).

Thank you! I'm already having fun :)

6 minutes ago, Tallow said:

Yeah that's what I was thinking. Although I'm not sure if it was aesthetic. It might have been a little, but I don't know if it was one of the big ones. 

Also yeah, romance is really subjective, which is why it's been so hard to figure out what I felt. Good news is I did find a label the other day that would explain what I felt (theoretically). It's called Quasiromantic. Here's a link describing it: https://aromanticquiz.carrd.co/#quasi

Thank you so much for the input! It really did help. :)

Nice! I have not heard of that label before but it's description does sound closer to what you were feeling. I'm glad you found a label that feels more accurate! 

And no problem. :)

Just now, Merli said:

I am not drinking milk but hello

Hello! Oh that is quite alright, name a drink I will get it to you

2 minutes ago, AroAcedragon13 said:

i never heard of them before either but they look sick

I should draw some and make them aro colors, I will do that later

Just now, ace.cyborg said:

this is very cool how have i never heard of these before

IKR!! I found out about them from my friend who is German (the cryptid comes from Germany)  

Just now, AroAcedragon13 said:

you have the farming capabilities of the gods

little do they know, I have one tatzelwurm for each beverage known to mankind 

Just now, ace.cyborg said:

especially cold water but not so cold it hurts my teeth

good choice, here is your infinite challis 

Just now, AroAcedragon13 said:

me too

Infinite water, coming right up

1 minute ago, Deltalorian said:

What an amazing power, you'll fit right in

Thank you, I'm glad someone has acknowledged my farming capabilities 

1 minute ago, ace.cyborg said:

nice

i like water

what brand do you prefer or do you prefer tap? 

6 minutes ago, AroAcedragon13 said:

hi, i'm not a fan of milk doesn't taste very good.

what is your drink of choice? 

1 minute ago, ace.cyborg said:

i don't like milk

that's alright, I have many other beverages to spare 

Just now, Deltalorian said:

I am afraid I do not like milk

What other drink can I get you, I have an infinite storage supply of any drink you could want

4 minutes ago, EGGHEAD said:

yes father

so proud right now, tearing up

1 minute ago, Ithinkimaro said:

i am not drinking anything at the moment

That is alright, I have a surplus of non-alcoholic beverages to go around. As you can tell from my username, I run a tatzelwurm farm

2 minutes ago, AroAcedragon13 said:

hi,

hello love this frog emote 

Hello, fellow kids. I hope you all are drinking your milk, unless you are lactose intolerant. 

Interesting. It sounds to me like the most likely attractions you were feeling was a mix of alterous, sensual, and maybe aesthetic.

I think it could have been alterous because you are unsure of the attraction you were feeling. Sensual because you had a constant want to cuddle/touch them. Maybe aesthetic because you got flustered when you were around them, but that could be for other reasons. 

It's difficult to assume someone else's feelings because different people have different definitions of what romantic attraction is. It's more subjective which things "count" as romantic. And actions most people would immediately assume to be romantic could be done without romantic intent. 

Also, don't feel pressured to label it. You might come to the conclusion that none of the attractions you thought it might have been were what you actually felt. It's ok to let your experience just be an experience. Good luck with figuring it out, I hope this helped a bit! 

hi

13 hours ago, AroAcedragon13 said:

hi

hi

12 hours ago, ArrowAce said:

bonjour mon ami, another fellow moistie :)

Hey! cool seeing other aros from charlie's community :)

12 hours ago, Harvest said:

cool profile pic dude

thanks, same to you

1 hour ago, Tallow said:

Oh my gosh HIIIIIIII!!! My name is Rowan too!!! And I also use he/they pronouns (along with it/xe)!!!

Nice to meet you new friend :]

Oh nice!! I've met a lot of other people named Rowan on the internet. Nice to meet you too, name twin :]

1 hour ago, Deltalorian said:

Enjoy your time here, love the Jesus pfp btw

Thanks! Of course, gotta rep the moist man

1 hour ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Welcome! Always good to meet more allo aros.

Thank you! Good to meet you too, I'm glad people are comfortable being open about it, seems like a lot of other spaces aren't as open to it.