Idontknowlulu
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Posts posted by Idontknowlulu
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On 3/12/2022 at 11:05 PM, Reengo said:
All this to say, take your time. You can also try out a label for a bit and see if it fits, maybe just use it on this forum, and compare your experiences to others.Hello:) thank you so much for your answer! I thought about it the last ouple of weeks and I think my main takeaway is that I do have time. I always want to know this stuff about me immediately, but I can be patient. I am allowed to want what I want and not want what I not want and it is okay if that changes and I have to accept that most of the time I won't even explicitly know what I want or why I want it. There's no rush and I have to keep telling myself that.
And it's quite common to learn english where I'm from, but I feel like it has also much to do with social media being almost completely in english:) it's where I learned to really express myself in another language
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Hello:)
So, I‘m not sure how to say what I want to say (and also I’m german, so sorry for any misspellings)
I’m 21 and I’ve never been in a relationship, I’ve never had sex and the two times I’ve kissed guys was when I was drunk in a club.
I actually love reading romance books and I love to imagine all romance related stuff. And when I think about it in this idealized way, I do want a relationship. But as soon as I imagine it being real, with an actual guy, I feel so incredibly uncomfortbale. Like just the concept of cuddling??? It's just so intimate??? It just feels weird.
I’m not sure if I had crushes before – sometimes I think I was just flattered by their attention… but then I also remember that I was so insecure and I was sure these guys didn’t even like me like that, so I made me stop liking them – I would just tell myself that I don’t have a chance and that I didn’t want to get hurt, so I would just be sad for a week (but more about myself and not about them if that makes sense) and then it would stop. I never had a crush that lasted more than 3 weeks, and like I said, maybe I was just flattered that they talked to me? And even if they didn’t talk to me, I would get bored of everything after three weeks and move on... I was pretty insecure in generel and I think I’ve become more confident this last year, but if I’m being honest I feel an incredible pressure to have sex and I kind of just want to get it done, to stop this feeling, but other times I also really want it, because I want sex? (but just in a physical sense not in an emotional way) But also not really with an actual real person? I don’t know.I also think it has incredibly much to do with my hormones and pms… because sometimes I do want a boyfriend, but like this idealized version? And sometimes I just want to be alone forever. And maybe the idea of a friends with benefits situation sounds better to me, but I need my first time to be with someone I trust. And I don't even want to think about telling that person that I'm still a virgin.
Anyway, the point is, most of the time I think I’m just incredibly scared of intimacy, but then other times I can’t even imagine falling in love with someone in real life (but I do idealize relationships and I do want this idealized boyfriend).
Is that because I haven’t met the right person or are my standards too high? I never thought that I could be aromantic (because I do love love) but then I heard that there are aros who are 'romance positive'? I don’t know, I‘m just confused and annoyed and it’s late at night and I’m rambling. And this is anonymous so whatever… Thinking about labeling myself as aromantic makes me feel relieved… but I don’t know if that is because this label would be an excuse for me and everyone else for never having a relationship?Thank you if you have read this far:)
Am I greyromantic?
in Anonymous Q&A
Posted
It's kind if where I am rn! I do want a relationship (well at least sometimes) but as soon as I imagine it with someone real it just doesn't feel right and it makes me uncomfortable... so probably/maybe cupioromantic? But also, there's no rush and figuring stuff like that out can sometimes take a while and that is okay:)