LJ_84

On 19.11.2016 at 4:52 PM, NullVector said:

I was reminded of all that by @LJ_84's comment:

So (and only answer if you don't mind me asking, as it's pretty personal!) did you experience that as a purely quantitative difference; or was there a qualitative difference there as well? 

Can you ask in a different way because I don't get what you want from me?

On 23.6.2016 at 1:38 AM, Kojote said:

Since all of the rare people I find sexually attractive are also aesthetically attractive to me, I'll probably try and draw them, which means I can appreciate them in peace, without seeming creepy (I try to draw people a lot when I commute as practice). Just like Cas though, I don't feel any impulse to act upon my attraction at all. I've never pictured myself having sex with a person I know personally either. For me, too, it's fantasy people. 

 

As a gray, I won't try to act upon any sexual attraction until I know and actually like the person. And there are a lot of personality things, that'll have the sexual attraction fade away in an instant. If they might fall for me, for example or if they already are in a relationship that's not openly poly. If the person drops no hints of desiring me or sex in general and if we are already platonic friends (even more so if we share the same circle of friends). That does narrow it down a lot! Which is why I said in the other thread, that I am celibate. As a grey, this is no big deal for me though. I have a sex drive, but it's not strong at all and rather easy to ignore.  

I feel very similar. I just started feeling sexual attraction and so far it only happened twice. I do found the persons aesthetically attractive as well. I can not tell what exactly makes me find them sexy; I just notice that there are people who I find only aesthetically attractive and some I found also sexually attractive. I also would not act upon it until I know the person well. But I do have fantasies. (Oddly with someone I only find aesthetically attractive?) For me it's still difficult to seperate between sexual attraction and libido. Because when I do experience sexual attraction, I do feel a little arousal. I feel a tingle feeling in my stomach and hot between my legs *blushes*.

I've been celibate for 10 years. Before transition my libido was very low but now since I'm on T it has increased. But still won't act on it until I have a platonic bond with the person I picture

First time I kinda came out was when I was 17 but didn't know the term yet or that something like aromanticism even exists.
A friend told me that it was weird that I haven't had a boyfriend yet although I was "already" 17. (I'm afab) And she added "You haven't even kissed a boy yet!!!"
Me: "Why should I wanted to do that? It seems disgusting"
She:" So do you like girls then? I'd be fine with it as long as you don't crush on me" (sick)
Me: "No. I'm just not interested in romantic relationships with anyone."
She: "Naaah. You are just shy" -.-

Yeah...

Off topic: What bothers me a lot is, when people tell you how they see you "crush" on someone and won't change their opinion no matter how often you tell them "I just wanna be friends with them!" -.-

Just a few years ago I learned the term aromantic, and I then came out to my friends on FB with a poem Some of them didn't understand it really, and I got the "You will find someone one day!" "One day you meet someone and fall in love"-bullshit. I then explained again to my friend that this won't happen and I'm not into romantic relationships at all (I'm also romance repulsed) and then she got it.

Funny side note: After my coming outs, a talked with a friend I just had met, and mentioned the troubles you have when you try to explain asexuality and aromanticism to people, and she said "What do you think I had to hear from friends and family that I'm over 30 and never had a boyfriend?" I was like "Wait, what? You're aro ace too???" (She seems to not know the terms but explained it, so that's when I told her that there are terms for it.)

Gender coming out to a friend. I mentioned that I was afraid because of that some "friends" have stopped talking to me since I came out. He: "You worry to much about things. Everything is fine!" Gave me a brotherly hug and that was it. Later the night he wanted to introduce me to a friend of him and just called me his "buddy from Germany". I was like "Yo, now he's forgotten my name!" He clearly didn't want to misgender me.

Another friend told me in messenger after coming out: "Now I can say it. When we met first it was odd to see you in a dress. That just wasn't right. And I never could get used to your name. It hasn't suit you. You'll always be L. and a boy in my eyes!" <3

Complicated topic...

When I was a teenager, friends often told me how I was crushing on someone but I always told them that it wasn't like this! I'd say it was a squish. I think people can experience this very differently. For me it's like: I want to spend time together, to get to know them better, I think a lot about them, I'm happy when I see them, want to hug them. I also do feel jealous sometimes. At the moment I'm squishing on someone who's actually a celebrity but I see him just as a normal guy, and because of that in my younger years I never could befriend boys (because I'm trans and they "don't want to play with girls") I sometimes do get jealous when I see he shares pictures of time with his friends and how much fun he had. It hurts in a way and makes me sad because I want to hang out and doing funny boys stuff too with him. Do I make sense?

One thing has left me a bit confused. It sounds like some people have squishes on people they are already friends with. Wouldn't it stop if you reached that goal to be close friends with the person you squish on? Like don't alloromantic people stop crushing on a person when they enter a romantic relationship with their target? Like the crush changes into romantic love? Is this possible?

What I never understand, why people get crushes on people they can not have anyway? Like because it's a celebrity or this person is currently in relationship or has a sexual orientation what excludes your gender?

When I have a sexual crush on someone (is there a word for that?) and then find out that he's straight, I somehow just stop having feelings for him. It wouldn't make sense to be attracted if he would never be attracted to me. I only have platonic feelings then. *shrug*

Someone else experience this?

On 24.8.2016 at 8:28 AM, Quinoa said:

You're right. But this was about celebrity crushes, who are unlikely to be your friends anyway. Also, I was about 12 at the time and not experienced with what tends to happen when friends get into relationships. 

What the hell is a celebrity crush?! I'm a huge HIM fan and when I was young everybody thought I had a crush on Ville. Like no? I don't have romantic fantasies? I just wanna talk with him about poetry and our favourite writers

I once had a friend who cried about her partner that he never had time for her and doesn't care for their child and so on. She sounded very sad and frustated, so I said "Why don't you break up with him then and kick him off your home?" She gave me a really shocked look and said "How can you say that?! I love him!" oO Sorry, but I don't get you? If you cry about your relationship and how bad it is and how unhappy you are, it makes me think you would be better without him?

(Not sure if this was an aro or autism thing)

1 hour ago, DannyFenton123 said:

Getting reviews like this on your story:

 

"... Interesting question: What if a transformation (or inexplicable disappearance of his shirt) sparks a slight romantic interest from her?"

 

I wrote a story involving a werewolf, and it happened to include two characters that were commonly shipped together (despite an actually awesome scene in this cartoon where the two discussed their feelings and decided to remain the ultimate friends)

 

But the fact that this reviewer wants me to ship them together isn't what's surprising me. I'm just wondering how the heck a werewolf transformation/shirt removal is supposed to invoke romantic feelings 

Kinda offtopic, Idk?

I once talked with another writer and mentioned that when I was 14 I wrote a story what includes an aromantic asexual charackter, without realizing it! What came from her of course? She started telling me how this char would be "incomplete, broken" and that "people wants to read about romance" that it was "neccessary for a good story" etc. I got so mad at her! And told her that I wasn't fucking broken or incomplete or boring just because I'm aro!

To be honest, it bothers me a lot that good stories almost always have this romance bullshit going on what is almost never connected to the story anyway -.- That's why I decided to write this story without romance

I was 17 when my one friend told me that it was weird that I don't had a boyfriend yet and she was like "You haven't even kissed a boy yet!!" And I replied: "Why should I want to do that? It seems disgusting." So she asked me if I liked girls then, and I told her, "No. I'm just not interested in having a boyfriend or romantic relationship." Her reply: "Ah, you are just shy!" -.-

Another thing: My mum recently told me about my cousins kid, what is in kindergarden age, and that they talked about another kid, who they want to marry when they're grown up. Then she looked at me and said: "You never did that. You never came to me, talking about an other kid you liked and want to marry." Well, turned out, I'm aro