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15 hours ago, Blake said:

In short, use as many label as you want, there is nothing wrong with that. If someone doesn't like it then eat them :3 A label is something to use to feel valid, welcome and in peace, people have no say in that, and they shouldn't make you feel less of a woman/genderqueer/lesbian for using more than one label. Hope this can help you ^^.

Thank you for your help! It actually helps a lot, and I think that's a great explanation of labels.

10 hours ago, Magni said:

so, there's a lot of overlap of genderqueer with stuff like butch lesbians bc queering gender and stuff (I'm not explaining that the best, but there is history of overlap), so I'd say that yeah you could definitely be a genderqueer lesbian.  There's people who identify as nb lesbians etc too.

Yes, I think you're completely right. It's weird because I completely support people who identify as genderqueer and/or nonbinary lesbians, but when I apply it to myself I feel bad. Probably some internalized stuff I need to work on!

10 hours ago, Magni said:

Also like.....there's lots of discourse originating from parts of the lesbian community that are very exclusionary/gatekeeping and tbh there's not much point caring about what exclusionists think of the labels you use, just use the labels that are most comfortable for you.

That's very true. I've never liked the exclusionary parts of the lesbian community and I tend to stay away from that, so I suppose there's no reason listening to it now.

9 hours ago, yurihands said:

Hey there, fellow arospec lesbian here! Magni is really spot on with everything ze said. I don't even consider myself a woman at all and I'm still a lesbian.

The reason why that is, is because I have a really deep history with being a lesbian as well as being gender nonconforming. When I was growing up, I was really drawn to the lesbian label even though I also experienced gender dysphoria. There's a very rich history about gender variance existing in the lesbian community for a really REALLY long time. If you're curious more on this topic, I HIGHLY suggest you read Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg. There's a free PDF on hir website even!

Thank you so much for sharing your story and for mentioning a source to check out, I really appreciate it! Thanks so much for the help.

I identify with being a woman and heavily identify with the label of lesbian, but I also identify a lot with the label of genderqueer. I've heard a lot of discourse around whether lesbians can be genderqueer, though. Are there others on here who feel like this? How do people feel about identifying with womanhood, genderqueerness, and lesbianism?

10 hours ago, Blake said:

Yes, the vocab is quite extensive, buuuuut it is not you have to learn it all. Just step by step, and if you forget it is fine, jus look it up again and thats it, sooner or later it will stick ^^. At least that is what I do, cuz mate, it can really be overwhelming for anyone.

Lol thank you! Yeah, I'm trying not to worry about it too much. Right now what I'm trying to do is just learn the terminology as it comes up in order to respect people's identities and I guess I'll learn!

Ah, I'm so glad to hear that someone else has experienced something similar! That's very validating to hear to be honest.

I completely understand the romcom situation! I absolutely hate romcoms, but I don't mind doing romcom-ey things with my girlfriend at all lol. It's kind of a confusing thing to experience but it's nice to know someone else is able to relate to how that feels.

18 minutes ago, Neir said:

Humans are weird and complicated, and sometimes we have exceptions that don't fit our general pattern, or our patterns are a little more complex than one-dimensional. Circumstances are powerful.

Well said!

So I am able to experience romantic attraction. I'd say I'm technically grayro and demiro, so I've only truly romantically liked two people.

Overall I'm quite romance repulsed. Friends flirting or kissing or anything like that is genuinely anxiety-inducing to me, it grosses me out. Fiction is a little less adverse, but watching a couple kiss in a movie is still definitely not a nice experience. Even the sorta crushes I've had grossed me out a bit sometimes. I used to get really squicked out from kissing one of my exes, and I remember avoiding flirting with two of the people I've dated because I didn't like to do that.

For some reason that's been completely different with my current partner, who's one of the only people I've genuinely really liked. Flirting and other romancey things are genuinely really nice with her and make me happy, but it still grosses me out with I see other people doing it. I thought that was normal but a bunch of people say it's cute when people flirt so I guess not to the degree that it is for me.

Has anyone else experienced something like this, where repulsion/neutrality/positivity will depend on other circumstances?

1 hour ago, Magnhildr said:

Hey am new to this identity too and it's great to have some word to put to it (plus many new words!).

Heya, welcome to you as well then! Yes, I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed trying to learn a bunch of terminology all at once lol

Thanks for the welcome. ?

27 minutes ago, ScarfOfSexualPreference said:

It's nice to know that you don't have to want a relationship, right? 

It has been very validating. I can personally want relationships (I'm in a relationship with one of the two people I've ever truly been romantically attracted to and she's absolutely wonderful) but realizing that it's normal to not really feel the way about romance most people seem to has been really nice.

8 minutes ago, Blake said:

Welcome there mate! Really glad that you found this and made you feel better. Cheers and here have this ice cream (Insert tasty image of an ice cream)

Thanks so much! I appreciate it.

Hi all! I recently fully realized that I'm arospec (I questioned before but I think I denied it a lot). I am technically grayro (in the sense that I barely ever have romantic feelings and when I do they're usually very weak and fade quickly) and demiro as I've never felt anything for someone I didn't form a friendship with before, but I think arospec feels like the right label for me personally.

I found this forum from AVEN and both that site and this have made me feel much more normal so far.