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Ice Queen

#AromanticProblems

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- Having your relatives and friends try to set you up cause they think you're lonely.

- Having people ask you out. Then when you regect them they ask why. It's annoying.

- No representation in the media. Like at all. 

- Friendship < Relationship is the social construct.

 

I once bought a shirt that said "Single, and I'd like to stay that way." Got hit on twice as much. No logic.

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On 09/05/2017 at 0:44 PM, Shroomie said:

Having people who I'm out to decide I'm going to marry someone because "it's cute" and continue to do so even though I've told them I don't like it

Please ignore this quote, there's no easy way to get rid of accidental quotes.

 

27 minutes ago, Ruka S. said:

- Having your relatives and friends try to set you up cause they think you're lonely.

- Having people ask you out. Then when you regect them they ask why. It's annoying.

- No representation in the media. Like at all. 

- Friendship < Relationship is the social construct.

 

I once bought a shirt that said "Single, and I'd like to stay that way." Got hit on twice as much. No logic.

 

Those last two points: YES. Also #AlloLogic. :P

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A guy gets a crush on me. If I start avoiding him, I'm cold and "impossible". If I act just normally, I give him signals. So it's not good either way. 

 

#aromanticproblems

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9 hours ago, Lizz said:

I once bought a shirt that said "Single, and I'd like to stay that way." Got hit on twice as much. No logic.

Yeah I feel like some people are really quite thick.. Like when they say "I like a challenge" to anyone who doesn't find them/their gender attractive O.o

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On 11/05/2017 at 5:07 AM, Lizz said:

- Having your relatives and friends try to set you up cause they think you're lonely.

 

Having them just generally think you're lonely, or feel sorry for your lack of a romantic partner :facepalm:

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Having people think that going on dates will magically boost your chances to find the (unusual) kind of relationship you seek after you just tried to explain it is the pressure of dating and expectations that doesn't work in your case. 

 

#aromanticproblems

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If you spend a ton of time wondering if it was a crush or not.

Looking back and realizing that all my "crushes" were me thinking I was supposed to have a crush on them/a squish.

Loving romantic films but hating the thought of being in that situation.

Your dad telling you you have to give him grandchildren and panicking.

Your teacher telling you you have to get married someday.

ALL YOUR FRIENDS SAYING THAT TOO.

 

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5 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

Having people think that going on dates will magically boost your chances to find the (unusual) kind of relationship you seek after you just tried to explain it is the pressure of dating and expectations that doesn't work in your case. 

 

"Have you tried online dating?" *awkward silence*

 

52 minutes ago, arorocks said:

If you spend a ton of time wondering if it was a crush or not.

 

Yep, been there, done that! Now imagine how much more confusing it all gets with sexual attraction thrown into the mix! :P

 

52 minutes ago, arorocks said:

Loving romantic films but hating the thought of being in that situation.

 

Ooh, that's interesting for an aro - what is it you love about them?

 

52 minutes ago, arorocks said:

Your dad telling you you have to give him grandchildren and panicking.

Your teacher telling you you have to get married someday.

ALL YOUR FRIENDS SAYING THAT TOO.

 

Nah, don't "have" to do any of these things. Not if you don't want to.

The generous interpretation here (presuming you have generally good relations with these people?) is that they assume you're more-or-less like them (a lot of people seem to do this) and worry you won't be happy without the things they have/want. But if you're pretty sure you want something a bit "different" and stick to your guns there, then (decent) people will generally come around and let you live your life in the way that you think is best :) 

 

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9 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

Having people think that going on dates will magically boost your chances to find the (unusual) kind of relationship you seek after you just tried to explain it is the pressure of dating and expectations that doesn't work in your case.

IME it's more like an assumption that you'll change your mind and want to be in the "normal" kind of stuff.
Something which is especially ironic is being told that non romantic sexual relationships arn't possible, by an alloromantic who's actually in one!
 

3 hours ago, NullVector said:

"Have you tried online dating?" *awkward silence*

It's typically very much designed for people seeking romantic (maybe romosexual) relationships. Though often with a secondary ability to look for "just (platonic) friends".
Very much the wrong tool for aros (especially any who arn't also ace).

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4 minutes ago, Mark said:

Very much the wrong tool for aros (especially any who arn't also ace).

 

Any ideas what the "right tool" for aros might be? (especially any who arn't also ace)

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On 12/05/2017 at 11:58 PM, NullVector said:

 

Any ideas what the "right tool" for aros might be? (especially any who arn't also ace)

Tricky.
I'd start with something which covered things like sexual orientation, romantic orientation, gender identity, along with attitudes towards monogamy, co-habitation, merger, etc.

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coming out to someone as aroace, like i literally said "i don't feel romantic or sexual attraction" and my friend goes "oh, don't worry, you'll find the right person someday!" like i knew she meant well but could i spell it out any clearer??? 

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12 hours ago, aroacethetic-shitpost said:

coming out to someone as aroace, like i literally said "i don't feel romantic or sexual attraction" and my friend goes "oh, don't worry, you'll find the right person someday!" like i knew she meant well but could i spell it out any clearer??? 

Ugggghhhhh... I'm sorry, that's my only response to that line.

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12 hours ago, aroacethetic-shitpost said:

coming out to someone as aroace, like i literally said "i don't feel romantic or sexual attraction" and my friend goes "oh, don't worry, you'll find the right person someday!" like i knew she meant well but could i spell it out any clearer??? 

 

Me: "Don't get this romance and romantic attraction thing. The idea of everyone being in to something specific dosn't make much sense really. I like sex and there are plenty of people around who are 'hot'. Though really don't get this whole monogamy concept or why what 'bits' they have is such a big issue. This 'dating' thing would seem so much better if you dropped all the stuff about seeking 'the one' and instead went with getting to know someone and what worked mutually, don't you think?"
Response: "There's someone for everyone".
Me: "Have you heard anything I've just said?"

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When your bff for last 4 years still seems to not understand (and not want to understand) that you really don't appreciate it when people joke about aros and aces in a mocking manner despite pointing out that more than once and then "feeling betrayed" when you side with a blogger who expressed their frustration on usage of the word "in love" just being used as a romantic connation and then reblogged it again and referred people who reblogged her post to mock her as "The Romantics TM"  and appearantly I was supposed to be laughing at the "The Romantics TM" thingy and that said aro was being ridiculous. She also refuses to acknowledge that I see aro and ace issues as two entirely different thing- not as necessarily one more important than rest way but I simply feel a lot more connected and to Aro issues than Ace issues and they personally affect me more and I really talk a lot less about Ace issues and would like it if she could stop referring to both as Ace stuff because they are different. 

 

I am so salty and pissed rn gosh.

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Someone my age: "How can people get married without love?" How can people be as bigoted as you, lady?

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2 hours ago, chairjockey said:

Someone my age: "How can people get married without love?" How can people be as bigoted as you, lady?

I'd go with just "How can people get married?"

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8 hours ago, Mark said:

I'd go with just "How can people get married?"

Same here XD.

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When you can't say that ~someone opposite sex~ has great looking hair or looks handsome/beautiful without all girls in you glass start thinking that you have an crush on her/him :facepalm:

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Me, to my mum: Why do people get married if they're going to end up annoying each other?

Mum: You haven't been married! Get married and then talk to me about it.

 

So I have to contribute to amatonormativity to say anything about marriage? Gee, thanks...

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On 02/06/2017 at 5:23 AM, Ace of Amethysts said:

Me, to my mum: Why do people get married if they're going to end up annoying each other?

Mum: You haven't been married! Get married and then talk to me about it.

Hardly the greatest "sales pitch" in history :)

Allo: Everyone should be "in a relationship" there's someone for everyone. It's the greatest thing ever.
Me: I think you you are missing that people are diverse, have different tastes and interests. I've never been remotely interested.
Allo: Have you tried it? You can't have an opinion on something you havn't done.
Me: Actually yes it wasn't for me at all.
Allo: It must have been with the wrong person.
Me: I'm certain it was the wrong thing to do. Anyway have you seen "Guardians of the Galaxy 2".
Allo: I told you last week I wasn't into films based on comic books.
Me: How many have you seen? Maybe try varying the cinema or show time in case it's that. Plenty of Netflix too.
Allo: I'm not into those kinds of films. I don't need to watch them to know that.
Me: I don't need to try romantic relationships to know that they are not the kind of relationship for me.
Allo: Does that mean you don't want relationships?
Me: No more than you don't want to watch movies.
Allo: I watch plenty of movies.
Me: Have you understood the analogy or do I need to try a different one?

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1 hour ago, SamwiseLovesLife said:

Having too much free time :D

Same xD

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2 hours ago, SamwiseLovesLife said:

Having too much free time :D

All my time is free time right now, but for different reasons.

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