Why are there acephobes

[plague doc]

Everyone knows that people can be bugs but why do they exist? You tell me!

[tiger_hoods12]

Yeah, it’s stupid how they exist, but I believe it’s because of how we live in a hyper-sexualized society. People place so much value on sex. They attach to things like happiness, content, and even humanity. People genuinely think that sex is what makes us human. That or people care so much about it that when someone else comes in and says “Hey, I actually don’t care or want that,” it’s almost an insult them. Or it just confuses them and that confusion leads to ignorance. I think people just don’t like what goes against the norm. They genuinely see asexuality as abnormal. 

That’s kinda of why in media sometimes when we had a character (even though never confirmed by creators as asexual, but members of the community always assumed) that never had any relationships therefore never had sex, they were often portrayed as “robotic” or portrayed as alien. I mean that literally and figuratively. Just this sense of generally naivety and then when they did it, it’s always this seen of awakening or “THIS is what I’ve been missing” then they feel and act more humane. Because of media but also lack of education that’s why there is a perception of “I can fix you.” It’s annoying. I never understood acephobia, personally. Not just because I’m ace but it makes sense how asexuality exists. 

Sexual attraction/drive alone is a spectrum. On the top, you have the really sexual or hyper-sexual. In the middle, you have people who have normal or neutral sex drives. And of course, at the bottom you have the ones with little to no sex drive or attraction. The same thing applies to aromanticism. Honestly I common sense at this point, but you know, the majority are sexual and romantic and people like us have very little representation still. Even when we are represented, people still think asexuality and aromanticism are black and white concepts. A lot aren’t aware of the complexities or spectrums of them. There is still not a lot of education or understanding forwarded towards our community.

[DeltaAro]

I hate the pressure to have sex so much. It really gets to me, especially since I'm not like a sex-averse 100% asexual, I guess.

But weighing the options, having sex is too much hassle and risk for me, and then it's not so great. I always experienced it as a very, very gendered thing, which I don't like. And I find it uncomfortable with acquaintances, basically strangers, especially if they try to insert their inappropriate romantic vibes (I'm aro as hell). There are people with the same preferences, but it takes a giant effort to find them. So thank you.

Other people OTOH are like: “How did it happen that you didn't have sex for <period of time>?”

How did it happen? It's the other way around: you must make sex happen, duh. It's like someone asking me: “How did it happen that you don't have a car?” ➜ Nothing did happen. I didn't perform the necessary actions, like going to the car dealership and buying a car. 🤦‍♀️

All this not-so-subtly tells me: “You must have sex, or you are a loser and something is seriously wrong with you!”
But it makes no sense at all, even if it were for the propagation of humanity. So many allosexuals have lots of sex but few or no children and they don't have to deal with this crap.

But the popularization and inconsistent use of the term “incel” plays a key role that it became much worse recently.

The narrow definition of “incel” is:

“Members of radical misogynist communities, that blame and hate women for their lack of sex.” (N)

Yet now “incel” has become a super-slippery term and is commonly understood in a much broader sense:

“People who have no sex.” (B)

It's even ignored if they actually want sex or not. Therefore aces aren't safe from being called “incels”.

Do we seriously in the 21st century have to explain that not having sex is not something bad? Do people suddenly have to take remedial courses in being a decent human being?

It seems so.

And if we complain, they just cite the narrow definition (N) of “incel” and gaslight us that only this was ever meant. Despite clear and convincing evidence that the broad definition (B) is widely popular (like there's a video about incels on YouTube by Dr. Todd Grande, a clinical psychiatrist, who really should know it better, who uses the broad definition).

There is also a lesser known female variant of incel, called femcel, where there's a much smaller suspicion of violence, but that has a strong lookism angle. Woman without much make-up, no-haircut haircut, nerdy glasses, anime t-shirt and sweatpants == FEMCEL!! Can't even just be comfy anymore.

Constantly, the idea that having no sex is morally wrong, a crime basically, and associated with psychopathy is shoved down our throats. It's only very thinly disguised.

All this comes in addition to the old-school acephobic stuff, like portraying aces as aliens 👽 or robots 🤖 that could be “fixed” by having sex.

Oh yes, your question. Sorry. Where does acephobia come from? I guess there are just toxic people who are envious for or simply scared of something they don't understand. In general, the sadism of society has increased exponentially. Everywhere, politicians were voted in that spew hateful rhetorics, and so those people feel emboldened to let their hate roam free. Here it's just extra-sad that people who're supposedly against this hate, typically coming from the right, fully jumped on the incel-bandwagon, pretending it's a progressive thing to hate aces.

[plague doc]

I agree (thanks for the comments)

[Garlic Bread.2]

People: Se* and love is part of human nature!

Aro and Aces: GODS

 

Proof that they are wrong. Sorry this is so silly.

[quinnzey]

idk I feel like a lot of people believe that you can't be happy unless you're either in a relationship or sexually active. a lot of it has to deal with (to be honest) heteronormative stuff - believing that a guy has to get with a woman and they have to have kids = purpose of life fulfilled. we also have to remember it was only recently that we've started breaking down those walls of what society really calls "normal" - gay marriage is still REALLY recent in the US, and doesn't even exist in some parts of the world. it's going to unfortunately take a while for people to come to terms that aro/ace people are real and normal just like the rest of society

[nonmerci]

People are raised with the idea that sex is very important. Then someone come and say "not for me". This makes people wonder why it is so important for them. And there you have two reactions : those who will recognize that different people want different things, and those who are ill at ease when they have to do self-reflection and/or who are unable to understand that when someone says they don't want the same thing as you, they dln't mean "I am better than you because of this" or "you should be like me". So they want to destroy the difference.

Lot of phobic things work like this.

[Jinx]

I think, at least in spaces I've been in, Ace has been more accepted than Aro. I've had more people try to 'teach' and explain love/romance to me after telling them I'm Aro. I think more people can accept that sex can be kind of gross.