What's Your Experince Being Aro In An Allo World?

[AA Battery]

Hello! I am doing a school project on the aspec community, and would love some of your experiences/stories being Aro/Ace (if applicable)! 

(just for clarification, I am also aspec :D. I forgor to say that when I asked Reddit and all the responses were written like they were telling an Allo person lmao)

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

Well, I could probably go on about how it feels to not experience a certain kind of attraction that alloromantics feel and how that influences the way I personally view the world at large; because when we find out we're a-spec we are kind of made aware of more harmful, obsessive things that make societies tick (amatonormativity, allonormativity, compulsory sexuality/monogamy, etc). But, the main thing that gets me all the time is the small, everyday interactions - the simple things that are said and done, and how they're always placed in a romantic light first, and any other interpretation comes second or is fought for to be believed. It's in the way that I have become even more aware of how I interact with other people, whether or not I know them personally, all for the fear of having my own actions and words be classified as romantic/flirtation. I'm already hyper-vigilant about how I move and express emotions and how I talk and how little or how much I am talking, because I'm constantly masking my autism. But, now there's this extra step in making sure I'm not portraying something false about myself - while I'm portraying something false about myself at the same time (i.e., me attempting to appear neurotypical or "normal"). How I navigate the allo world as an aromantic is somewhat similar to and inherently tied with how I navigate a neurotypical world as an autistic.

In a simple (but by no means perfect) analogy: it's like being an actor on stage, and you're given some lines and a script to remember and you know the basics of the plot and who you're supposed to be, but the role is either confusing, doesn't feel right, or you struggle in passing it off as "genuine" or the "true" thing even if you like your role, because there's something about the script that you just don't understand, and so there is something up with you as an actor - and you have to deal with hiding that. Now, given that you have your script and how well you may pull off the role, and if the other members have cotton onto that - to make things even more complicated - imagine the vast majority of the cast acting alongside you now have a completely different play/musical from the one you're holding in your hands. You don't know when this happened, when you realized you have a different script, but it's reality now. The play/musical everyone else has may be slightly similar to what you have, but suddenly all of your words, the meaning behind said words, and the things you had memorized to physically do, either become nil or you have to completely improvise. In some cases, this is the moment when we realize that none of this was suited for us at all. Previously, you just had to worry about how well your acting was going to be, but now you're faced with navigating this utterly disorientating conundrum of misunderstanding. The rest of the cast doesn't know or do anything different though, and so they keep on going with their play; because they're fine with it, it feels absolutely natural to them to the point of your own concern, and it even satisfies them. Around them there's a lot of people who are also openly content and okay with what they got, and so you must be as well, and you must be-in-the-know of how the plot goes because everyone has the same script - don't they?

I hope this mess made some sense, best of luck with your project!.

Edited January 9 by The Newest Fabled Creature
lots of typos :(

[Glacier]

Something that made it particularly difficult for me to realize I was aromantic was the lack of awareness about a-spec identities in general. I personally grew up in a queer-positive environment, but most people I knew were only aware of the more well-known identities - you were either straight, gay, or bi/pan, and that was it. It took me years of identifying as bisexual to realize that feeling the same way towards women and men didn't necessarily mean I was attracted to them. In fact, I didn't even know aromanticism was a thing before I joined the asexual community.

Also, for those of us who are romance-repulsed and have been in romantic relationships before, it's hard not to feel like something is wrong with you when you don't have a label or a community to turn to. Most of us have always been taught that everyone needs a romantic partner to be happy, which only forces us into harmful situations that could've otherwise been easily avoided. I personally just didn't understand how to navigate relationships or why my partner acted the way they did, and that confusion ended up hurting both of us in the process. I'm lucky to have figured myself out at a relatively young age, but lots of aros out there have spent decades going through relationships and feeling like something was wrong with them before they even learned of the term.

Best of luck with your project! It sounds like a great initiative!