They/Them?

[Anonymous]

I've been questioning weather or not I should use the pronouns They/Them. For my whole life I've used She/Her but I've noticed that when someone says she or her when addressing me it seems weird. Like they aren't really addressing me but the picture of someone like me. But I also do some feminine things, like paint my nails. But I really hate dresses and skirts! They have no pockets 😟. I really don't know. Should I use something like they/them or stick with she/her?

[MondoBilby]

It's not a matter of whether you "should" use they/them, but rather if you feel more comfortable with them and just want to. It's always okay to give different pronouns a try, even if you end up not liking them and changing them. I recommend referring to yourself using they/them or writing about yourself with those pronouns to see if it makes you feel more comfortable than she/her, it's a good way of figuring things out without having to come out to anybody (if you don't want to come out, that is. If you know someone you're comfortable with explaining this to, getting them to refer to you with they/them pronouns as a test can be very helpful too).

Also, using they/them doesn't mean you have to dress and act androgynously! You can if you want to of course, but a lot of people who use they/them still present themselves in feminine and masculine ways, that doesn't have anything to do with their pronouns.

Edited January 11 by MondoBilby

[squinkiy]

pronouns don't equal gender, so even if you're a cis guy or girl, u can still use they/them. if us enbies don't owe anyone androgyny, neitehr do you! if they/them feels best for you, use it! :D

[Glacier]

9 hours ago, MondoBilby said:

Also, using they/them doesn't mean you have to dress and act androgynously! You can if you want to of course, but a lot of people who use they/them still present themselves in feminine and masculine ways, that doesn't have anything to do with their pronouns.

Absolutely! Your pronouns don't necessarily have to reflect your gender expression. I personally used to go by my AGAB pronouns for the longest time even though I was presenting androgynously.

My advice would be to go with what feels best for you instead of what you might feel like you're supposed to do. Your pronouns are only one part of your gender expression, so you shouldn't pressure yourself to use certain pronouns based on the other ways you present yourself. There's nothing wrong with using they/them if you like certain feminine things, just like there's nothing wrong with using she/her if you don't like certain feminine things.

[quinnzey]

hi anon - so, i'm afab and i go by they/them. i used to be the same exact way - the thing is, you can like to paint your nails, wear skirts, dresses, and be a gender that doesn't exactly "fit" with that. pronouns don't equal gender! and even then, gender doesn't have rules on what you can or can't do. i love to paint my nails, wear dresses, skirts, all that. but i'm still nonbinary and i still use they/them pronouns - i'm not a girl. hope that helps :)!!

[Anonymous]

Hi! I've recently been having a similar feeling about she/her pronouns to what you're describing. I think the best advice I've been given is to just use whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. Experimenting with different pronouns causes no harm to anyone. Additionally, you don't actually have to choose between she/her and they/them - you can use both sets of pronouns if you want to! 

Good luck, and I hope this helped

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

Pronouns don't have anything to do with your hobbies. Use whatever you like. Also, it's pretty easy to add pockets to skirts.

[Collie]

There are no rules, tbh. There is no timeframe here, either. You can figure this out entirely at your own pace. You set the rules here.

I'm currently questioning if I'm a transman. (I went by they/them for the longest time. Still do, at least for now.) Despite wanting to be seen as male, I still like some more 'feminine" clothing. Not dresses, but like, stuff with flowers, or that's decorative? I like that stuff, simply because it looks nice. Doesn't mean I'm not a transman.... I can be a girly transman, but I'd still be a transman.

Gender expression doesn't necessarily equal gender identity.

[Garlic Bread.2]

Hm. I am in a similar situation as well. I use she/they (aka.demigirl) , so you can use either. But yet again, do your research, make sure you definitely think you are, or at least pretty sure. :)