How Infrequent Do Your Crushes Have To Be For You To Be Greyromantic

[An Aro Passes Bi]

(btw ik greyromanticism isn’t just how frequently you get crushes; afaik you can also be greyromantic if your crushes are less intense than the average range, which is why I briefly discussed intensity below)
 

So, I recently discovered via consulting primary sources—ie one of my old diaries—that instead of having two romantic crushes during the span of 18 years (my lifetime), I’d had 3. And now I’m wondering if this is too frequent for romantic attraction to be something I experience infrequently. Like, 18/2=9, and having one crush per decade (almost) is pretty obviously infrequent, but one crush every six years—granted my crushes weren’t spread out that evenly, but I’m simplifying for illustrative purposes—feels a lot more frequent, and since the intensity is about average for a crush, given the ages I were when I had them, maybe that means I’m just alloro (albeit one more particular than my peers, at least when it comes to this) and not greyro??? 
 

But what do you guys think—is 3 crushes over the span of 18 years too frequent to be considered grey romantic? I legitimately don’t know, and I need some outsider opinions

Edited December 26, 2024 by An Aro Passes Bi

[allhailtheglowcloud]

Interestingly, I had a random conversation with my alloromantic brother last night when my aro brain tried to make sense of this kind of thing. For context, he is a younger teenager.

He said that within the last 2 years, he experienced an intense crush twice (which I assume means he also experienced less intense crushes on top of that). He also said that when he was younger, he had about 8 or so crushes simultaneously.

I'm not greyromantic, but 3 crushes in 18 years still sounds pretty infrequent. Hope this helped!

Edited December 26, 2024 by allhailtheglowcloud

[Peggy]

There's not really a clear answer to this, unfortunately - it's really what you think! If you feel like you're grayromantic, then that's what you are! Personally, I identify as grayromantic, and I've had definitely one, maybe two crushes in my life - but the first crush I ever thought I had, I wasn't sure if it was a crush or not. My first crush, if it was a crush, didn't seem as intense (which is why I'm not sure if it was one - there's a very good chance it was a platonic crush, but this was before I knew of that terminology) and I had no desire to actually date the person. My second crush was more intense and I did sometimes think that I would like to tell this person and date them, but when I thought of actually going out with them, I still got uncomfortable. Meanwhile, I have a friend who's grayromantic who's dated two people already (they're college-aged). My point with all this is that everyone's got different experiences in grayromanticism and there's no fine line that shuts you off from the identity. I identify as grayromantic because I don't feel like I fit in with alloromantic people - I experience romantic attraction less frequently and at different intensities than allos, so being grayromantic feels comfortable to me. If that feels comfortable to you, and you think the title fits, use it! I'll be honest, I don't think the worry of 'not being aro enough' ever really goes away - I feel it a lot, too. But just keep in mind it's how you feel, not what others think of you! Hope this helps :)