How do you feel about being called “single”?

[venomous]

I had an interaction with a coworker a couple of months ago that I still think about sometimes. We were talking about my recent move, and I had said “we did X and Y” while referring to myself and my dad, who helped with a lot when setting up my new apartment. I live close to my family, and it’s very helpful to have someone who knows how to put up curtain rods and the likes when your friends are not as comfortable with an electric screwdriver. My coworker asked who “we” were, and I told him that it was me and my dad. He then says “Right, because I remember that you’re single” and I just felt really weirded out by that for some reason. Not by him knowing I’m not in a relationship, we’re friendly and I know his wife’s name (it’s the same as mine, which made for a really confusing first conversation). I just find “single” as a description of myself to feel off. I don’t really talk about my lack of interest in relationships with my coworkers so it’s not like he could’ve known, but the word feels like it’s implying that I’m at an earlier stage of my “trying to find a romantic life partner” journey and that’s not the case. 
 

How do you feel about being called single if you aren’t in a relationship of some kind? Does it just feel like any other word to you? 
 

 

Edited December 23, 2024 by venomous

[.CORALINE.]

Oh that's a good question! Since I found out I'm aro I have never experienced a similar situation, no one pasted the label "single" ok me so... I don't know what my reaction would be but honestly I get your point, "single" sounds just like "available" in my head and it's not the case, but I can't either think of an alternative word to describe our status as aromantics 🤔

[Jinx]

I'm fine with it, but most people use it as a slight. If someone hit me with "Right, because I remember that you're single" I would feel offended depending on the tone.

[tiger_hoods12]

7 hours ago, venomous said:

Does it just feel like any other word to you? 

This is pretty much how I feel. I feel like sometimes others will call me “single” and purposely make it sound like it’s a problem or even an insult. I don’t really feel any type of way when I get called that. It doesn’t feel like a sting or anything, it really is just a word to me. If anything it’s just a fact. However, I do think it’s rude when people make it seem like it is a problem when it’s not even any of their business and doesn’t even concern them.

[nonmerci]

I never use it for myself. I kinda feel out of the single/couple dichotomy if that makes sense. I don't really mind if people use it to say I'm not in a relationship (though I find it a bit weirdzr in my own language), but I would be weirded out in that context, the idea that if I say "we" this is the first think people think about.

[alto]

I consider myself taken by my friends so...I can't really be said to be single or coupled.

[MondoBilby]

I'm fine with the word itself, but I hate telling people that I'm single because I always worry they'll just automatically assume I don't want to be single and that I'm looking for a relationship or something. It's extra annoying when even if I explain to them I'm not interested in romance, they just think I'm lying and trying to be coy about it. Like bro, stop trying to guess my feelings and then taking that complete asspull of an assumption as a fact lmao.

[Lovebird]

I'm not a fan, same with the word "taken". Both feel like a messed up form of "ownership". I prefer "partnered" or "unpartnered", more independent, clear and concise.

[TheSpaceArrow]

On 12/24/2024 at 10:58 PM, MondoBilby said:

I'm fine with the word itself, but I hate telling people that I'm single because I always worry they'll just automatically assume I don't want to be single and that I'm looking for a relationship or something. It's extra annoying when even if I explain to them I'm not interested in romance, they just think I'm lying and trying to be coy about it. Like bro, stop trying to guess my feelings and then taking that complete asspull of an assumption as a fact lmao.

Yeah, this sums it up for me as well. I had an unpleasant experience a couple years ago. I was walking with two of my friends, and their other friend whom I've never met before that started walking with us. She asked us if we were dating anyone. One of my friends had a boyfriend, so she told her that, and then the girl turned to me. "What about you? Are you taken?" I didn't like the way that word was used, "taken." If anything, I was taken aback by that question. I just told her, "I cannot be taken by anyone." And she said, "So you're single? Can I have your number then?" *aroace sigh* Real smooth...-_- 

Because of that incident, I try to avoid using language that assumes I am open to a romantic relationship. If I want to tell someone I'm not dating anyone I'll either tell them I'm aroace or I'll say something along the lines of "I'm not interested in romance." 

 

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

I will sometimes scarcely call myself single in social situations, but as someone else said, I usually consider myself outside of the relationship status dichotomy and I never really talk about anything relationship-related towards myself with other people, even when prompted or asked.

I have yet to be called single in a derogatory(?) way, I guess I would be very confused about why it matters at all to these complete strangers.

[SkyTuneRein]

I don't feel much about it at all. I've been actually insulted and felt little or nothing before. It's neither a compliment nor an insult, but context can change that.

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

I don't have any problem with it. I mean, objectively it's what I am. If people then go on to assume that this means I'm looking for a partner, that's on them lol

[Neon]

On 12/23/2024 at 11:08 AM, nonmerci said:

I kinda feel out of the single/couple dichotomy if that makes sense.

This is how I feel too. It’s a word for a situation I am not a part of. Definition-wise, it’s accurate, but implication-wise it makes no sense.

I’m trying to think of a good analogy and none quite work but this is as close as I could get: it’s like saying that someone “went thrifting” when in reality they went to an antique store. Like yeah, technically, that is thrifting. But “thrifting” implies something different than what actually happened.

Edited December 28, 2024 by Neon

[venomous]

Thank you to everyone for replying. 

On 12/23/2024 at 7:08 PM, nonmerci said:

I kinda feel out of the single/couple dichotomy if that makes sense.

I think this is why I felt like it was a weird thing to call me. I’d say my romantic status is N/A instead of single or in a relationship. 

2 hours ago, Neon said:

I’m trying to think of a good analogy and none quite work but this is as close as I could get: it’s like saying that someone “went thrifting” when in reality they went to an antique store. Like yeah, technically, that is thrifting. But “thrifting” implies something different than what actually happened.

Yes, this was a very helpful analogy. For me, the implication that I’m looking for a romantic relationship in general feels like misrepresenting myself. It now makes me think of a different conversation I had with someone else at work about her setting up a coworker with her friend. It’s not a very common thing to do in Sweden, and I thought it was a nice thing if both parties are interested. I’m now thinking that my reaction to it may have implied that I want her setting me up with someone, and I will now think about that every time I talk to her 😅