Does anyone else feel guilty about dating as an aro?

[DreamSeeker]

Just out of curiosity..

I think I’d like to try dating eventually just to see if it’s something I would enjoy. But at the same time, I think I would feel guilty about not feeling how I’m “supposed to” towards the other person.

[tiger_hoods12]

Oh, I’ve definitely felt this type of guilt. I was open to dating before, (now not so much) but sometimes I think to myself about the possibility still and sometimes feel guilty. I’m also a loveless aro so I really cannot feel love. If I were to ever end up in a relationship, I couldn’t help but think about it. I mean, I know I’m valid in every way and that it’s not my fault that I feel this, but I’d imagine the guilt would creep in every now and then

ESPECIALLY, when we said things like “I  love you.” I feel like I’d be fucked! I’d be lying. Even though I know I care about them but “love” sounds extreme to me. I would hate having to feel that guilt. Like I would feel so SO guilty for not feeling the same or at least not to that same extent. I think it would take a lot of communication not just with your partner but with yourself. Again, I know my feelings are valid and I wouldn’t change them, but I am still human. So the feeling of doubt or guilt creep in of course. In fact, I feel this way towards family and friends. They say “I love you” and I awkwardly have to say it back.

Not feeling what you’re “supposed” to be feeling sucks in situations like that. But you work with what you got. We all know it’s complicated, but I feel like if you know that you genuinely care about that person, its okay in the end. It’s the genuine care that replaces those feelings/attraction.

[Lovebird]

Yes, but more from insider influence. I don't like how some aro spaces see dating as "alien" to a point where it's seen a taboo within spaces or community. Dating is being seen as more "cringe" and I really don't like it. I've dated two people in the past, and I feel like even that is "too much" to be in certain aro-specific spaces. 

These are the same people who say they support romance-favourable people, yet get mad when we do "romantically-coded" things. Like if they really thought romance was a social construct, they'd be somehow okay with it. 

[catparent7092]

No.

I don't feel guilty about dates, but I do feel as though it's pointless for me to initiate one: I don't ask others out or seek dates mostly because I'm currently in a poly relationship that's lasted almost 4 years  AND I am aromantic on top of it. Absolutely a difficult thing for anyone to accept just one of those, but both of them just leaves me with very few ways to connect with anyone. Lol

[squinkiy]

im most definitley on the aro spec. i actually have a partner now, i love them dearly, but sometimes i fear that im not . Actually in love w them and im just confusing vry vry strong platonic or even queerplatonic love for romantic love. ive not had a truly serious romantic relationship prior to this one. every other one was short lived. plus, im still sad abt the way a recent nearly 2 yr long queerplatonic polycule i was in ended in september. so far this relationship has been great; i feel free and not pressured to do stuff that's considered romantic with my current partner (especially considering even with close friends im often really iffy abt even saying i love you)

i feel awkward talking abt my partner in this community bcs yk, like how @Lovebird says, romance seems to be treated as some sort of taboo in the aro community. im veryyy demiromantic i think so i fall very much on the aro spec (ive known my partner since 2022 but only started dating them a month b4 i turned 18, since nov 2 2024). i want to say stuff abt how i love them n whatnot but it feels in a way like ill get scrutinized for doing so

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

I've found that I'm non-partnering now, but when I was in high school and entered a QPR with a friend of mine (though I hesitate to call it "dating" just because of personal preference) I did feel guilty for what felt like me not doing enough for them romantically, and for simply not reciprocating the feelings my ex-qp had for me; even though they knew about my aromanticism and were accommodating the relationship around me.

[quinnzey]

yeah, for sure. i dated two people (a guy and a girl to really see what was happening) and both times i couldn't feel anything toward them. i wanted to be their friend, not their romantic partner. when i dated one guy, we were together for eight months because i couldnt find the courage to tell him i didnt feel anything toward him. back then, i thought it was because i was a lesbian. then i dated a girl for two weeks and realized, through a need to be alone, and a guilt at not being able to be her best partner, that i was aro. the thing is - there's nothing wrong with trying a relationship out just to try it out. that's what they're for. romance is great, really superb. it just doesn't work for some people. if you want to try it out and see if it works, go for that. if it doesn't, no worries. either way, you've still got a huge community at your back