is this person a friend?

[Guest rock bottom]

i know i am an insane person, i do not blame the other party, i just don't know if they are my friend.

they are familiar with my depression and ptsd, and that i am in an unstable household.  though we only met a few months ago i thought we were quite close, we both know a lot about each others lives and i have tried to support them through their mental health struggles as well.  they are my only friend within close range of my home (15-20mins), and i do not see them often in person.  life has been getting worse, and when i missed a message from them recently i opened up that i had blacked out in a parking lot (not normal for me) and that things have been incredibly bleak.  i said i would love to be able to hang out to talk with someone, not necessarily about sad stuff just wanted to see a friend.  said that it could be any time, any place, ill figure out how to get there. doesn't have to be a long hang out. i still have not seen them in person.  they are employed, work a day job, but they go out most nights and weekends.  not always planned things with friends, often just going to a bar alone.  

they say they are my friend and they want to help me, but when i asked if there was any particular reason i haven't seen them in a while, and said that things are still pretty bad and id really appreciate seeing a pal, they said "it is unreasonable for you to expect me to drop everything because you feel bad."  I'd also like to add that with my question i said, this is not an attack and i am not trying to blame you for anything.

am i unreasonable? i lean towards yes, but i am truly unsure at this point.  i have never asked them to drop everything to do things for me.  i thought i was making it as easy as possible by saying it can be any time at any place for any length of time. i said that i knew they were busy and it didn't have to be that day.  it has been weeks.

i don't blame them in any way, i cant blame any person for not liking me or wanting to be around me.  i just want to know if this person actually considers me a friend so i know how to behave going forward.  

don't worry about me though, still in therapy, still working on it, never going to kill myself.

i just no longer wish to make a fool of myself.

[squinkiy]

this feels like they consider you a friend but only for their own benefit. either that or no, they don't actually consider you a friend.

On 12/17/2024 at 11:56 AM, Guest rock bottom said:

when i asked if there was any particular reason i haven't seen them in a while, and said that things are still pretty bad and id really appreciate seeing a pal, they said "it is unreasonable for you to expect me to drop everything because you feel bad."  I'd also like to add that with my question i said, this is not an attack and i am not trying to blame you for anything.

On 12/17/2024 at 11:56 AM, Guest rock bottom said:

i have never asked them to drop everything to do things for me.

if this is true (not saying it isnt) then the comment they made feels very manipulative. you said multiple things along the lines of "i just want to see you, that's all" and you stated that you'd find a way there yourself. they don't seem to be willing to make time for you even in the times that they have no plans. 

i fully understand that this is one of the only friends you have close contact with, but i don't think this friendship's going to last. try to talk with them, but if it leads nowhere i'm afraid you'll probably going to have to cut them off. this is very much giving off a couple red flags already. they don't want to make time for you even when you're not asking for much; that doesn't feel right

[Jinx]

I agree with squinkiy. It doesn't seem like the friendship had a great foundation and it seems to have red flags from their part. I'm not sure where you're at in your life, but there are always avenues to make close friendships, even with people you'd never thought you'd be close to.