Queerplatonic breakup aftermath

[tapew0rm_exe]

So I recently had my first ever queerplatonic breakup which is the first time in my life I’ve ever felt genuinely heartbroken. 
 

Me and this person are still going to remain best friends which isn’t going to change and I’m extremely grateful for, but that part of our relationship suddenly having a line drawn under it has really downed me. I don’t know any other aromantic people where I live as there are no support groups for aro people specifically, only asexual. And everyone around me is alloromantic, including the person I had this with. It was the perfect situation for me and now it’s gone and I won’t have anything like that with anybody else ever again, and I’m not going through this again with another alloromantic person. 
 

I feel like I’m completely unloveable and I’ll never have that tender loving affection from someone non-romantically again. And I’ll never get this back with said person because what’s done is done and I can’t expect that person to not get what they need so I can get what I need, that’s not fair and not how the world works either. 
 

How do I cope? 

[alto]

5 hours ago, tapew0rm_exe said:

and I won’t have anything like that with anybody else ever again

I feel like I’m completely unloveable and I’ll never have that tender loving affection from someone non-romantically again.

Both of those statements aren't necessarily true.

[tapew0rm_exe]

6 hours ago, alto said:

Both of those statements aren't necessarily true.

I don’t see things that way unfortunately. How am I meant to find that again when everyone around me is alloromantic? It’s hard enough to find that type of genuine connection within the LGBTQ+ community as a transgender man, that’s something that risks losing the person’s interest when disclosed, saying I’m trans and aromantic off the bat is going to scare people away. Also even if I did, I’d have to go through this again because I can’t expect that person to stay single in order for me to be happy, that’s not fair on that person. If they want to go and find romance, they deserve to and should do so, but that means breaking the connection we have, leaving me back at square one, feeling like the love that I have to give isn’t enough and won’t ever be enough compared to romantic love. 
 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

I’m confused. Why would someone need to break off a QPR in order to have a romantic relationship with someone else?

[tapew0rm_exe]

On 12/9/2024 at 12:01 PM, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

I’m confused. Why would someone need to break off a QPR in order to have a romantic relationship with someone else?

That’s why I’m upset. This other person isn’t aromantic, but I don’t see why the way I love her in my own alternative way isn’t enough for her to not need that. 

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

2 hours ago, tapew0rm_exe said:

That’s why I’m upset. This other person isn’t aromantic, but I don’t see why the way I love her in my own alternative way isn’t enough for her to not need that. 

Well it’s understandable to want a different kind of affection than you can give, I mean like… Can’t she date someone and also be in a QPR with you? I don’t understand why the two would be mutually exclusive. That’s odd. 

[tapew0rm_exe]

11 hours ago, Jot-Aro Kujo said:

Well it’s understandable to want a different kind of affection than you can give, I mean like… Can’t she date someone and also be in a QPR with you? I don’t understand why the two would be mutually exclusive. That’s odd. 

She’s a monogamous person as well, and it wouldn’t be fair on whoever she ends up being in a relationship with in the future. And she drew the line kind of for my own good because she knew I got upset and jealous, just because I couldn’t stand the idea of her giving that to someone else. So it had to be that way but it hurts.