Looking for Topics on How Aros Feel When Their Friends Start Dating

[Guest Anonymous]

I don't really know how to start off a forum post, but I'm looking for directions to the best discussions/topics/threads on this forum (and the asexual forum, for those in both spheres), that will help me better understand my friend's experience with their aroace-ness, and the loneliness and social stigma on the importance of relationships in society and how it affects them. I've already found a few good ones that have been informative and helpful, but most posts I've been finding aren't exactly what I'm looking for. 

Some background: I (a person on the aspec, but fluidly, and usually on the outskirts) recently entered my first relationship, and my aroace friend, while extremely happy for me, does hold some reservations about what our friendship is going to look like, as in their own words, "friendship is not enough, romance is. I feel like I'll be out aside." I've been doing my best to make sure they know I still love them and I'm not going to put them aside, but they asked me to come on here to better understand where they're coming from with their reservations. A thing that I happily wanted to look into and do for them. We've had a few talks about this, and they've asked me to do some research, so please don't just respond with "talk to them, it's the best way to find out how they feel". I know it is, and I have, but I'm also turning towards the community because they have a lot of the same feelings and experiences, and my friend asked me to.

 

Ultimately, I'm looking for posts and topics on aro (and ace) discussions where individuals express their feelings on, and talk about, the expectations of society with amatonormativity, feelings of loneliness and depression that are associated with one's identity and societal expectations, and reservations, concerns, and feelings of loneliness, or the expectation of it, when it comes to your friends (typically allo, but not always) dating and entering relationships. 

 

If anyone is willing to and has time to spare, it would be greatly appreciated if they could possibly point me in the direction of discussions on these topics, or could spare some advice for what my friend might be going through and feeling. I will continue to look on my own and do my own research, but it would be helpful if someone who knows of these discussions could link me to them easier. I'm just trying to be the best ally my friend needs me to be. Thank you so much, I truly appreciate it.

 

[TrueEvergreen]

Some good topics that just have to do with general aromantic feelings and experiences are some of the pinned topics on the top of the Aromantic Discussion  tab, and a specific one I would look at is the "Aromantic Moments" thread, as I'm pretty sure that it talks about some of the experiences that your friend is talking about.

 

As for my personal advice, I'm not sure that I can do the best on that front, but I'll try. 

I can understand where you're friend is coming from, as this is a fear that I also share, as well as many members of this community. From the perspective of an aro person, it can feel terrible if a good friend of yours drifts away from you or "replaces" you in place of a form of attraction that they can't even feel. Because of this, I believe that the best thing that you can do is just to not only assure your friend that something like this won't happen, but also make this happen in practice. While you can let your relationship be important, just realize that for an aro person, friendships can often be just as important to them, and you should keep that in mind and make sure that your friendship doesn't suffer in place of a romantic relationship.