helpp- (i need opinions on stuff about a qpr)

[forest_gremlin]

As the title suggests I have some questions and I need opinions from people and just need to get this out there.

To start, I have this friend. He's my best friend. We're both in high school and we spend all of our time together. I only met him February this year but omg we are so freaking close. We cuddle a lot and kiss each others cheeks, foreheads etc. We send back and forth cute tiktoks saying we're each others favourite person, blow kisses to one another, and sometimes occasionally not often but often enough our lips brush against each others... Not too odd, but for like a month or so now we've been a lot more weird... Not going into full detail on that though. People assume we're dating, and we both realize that the point we've gotten to is not normal friend behavior.

I identify as aroace, I do not think I actually feel any romantic feelings towards him, and he most likely doesn't feel romantically towards me. He is also abrosexual and I have a feeling he may also fit somewhere on the aroace spectrum but he's not ready to explore that fully. 

Because of these factors, I'm heavily considering of asking him to be in a queer platonic relationship with me. I've talked about qprs with him before so I'm pretty sure he has a very generalized idea of them but I never talked about it for us. I'm at the point now that unless someone replies with an actually good reason as to not ask him, I'm going to. I'm not expecting an immediate yes, really I'm not even expecting anything but I hope for the best, plan for the worst (ik him and he's not gonna be grossed out if i ask so realistically we'll still be friends)

I'm trying to decide as to when I would tell him anyway. I want to tell him somewhat soon because I don't want to hide this from him for too too long, but also don't want to stress either of us out before Christmas. (but also on the other hand, how kewl would it be to have a qpr during christmas time!? like thats so cute) My original plan was to tell him on the 22nd and then I was thinking the 15th. I'm very particular with my dates and they have to have a good number. Also thinking maybe the 14th because we starting actually talking on Febuary 14th (ironic isn't it?) 

I'm also working on a StrawPage to show him when I ask him. It'll have definitions, sites, resources, and some personal flair to it so it'll be a bunch of stuff that might be helpful. I hope it isn't too confusing or too much for him though.

I've planned it all out though. I've done a good chunk of research to put onto the page. I'm also gonna put what I'd expect and want from a QPR. really it isn't anything different from how we currently act with one another I just feel I might be more comfortable engaging in some of the things we do without fear I'm overstepping too much because of the friend status. the label of a QPR really calls to me because it like gives me that reassurance that we both care for one another in the same way and it's a more special thing between us. 

I'd also add like a page as to like what I'm comfortable with and stuff so we can start that conversation because we are so so bad at actually bringing stuff up. Speaking of bad at bringing stuff up I think I would tell him all of this qpr stuff by just asking like if he's familiar with it and like maybe if he'd be interested and sneakily send him the link to which his phone will buzz and he'll be confused and I'll tell him it's a starting point for research and what not.... 

I also told him I have this personal project I'm working on (not uncommon tho I do this with my hyperfixations a lot) and I've set myself a due date on it so like I should probably eventually tell him about this. Right?

but anyways

ACKKKKK I just need opinions like if I should really do this or if it seems unfair to him. Also advice for the date to tell him..... please 

 

[AroAcedragon15]

Hello! From the sounds of it you seem to care deeply about him and you have put effort into this friendship. You've also already put a good amount of effort into the research and other parts of this qpr. That already shows in my opinion that this could definitely work out at least on your end. You also seem to be patient and have reasonable expectations like not immediately expecting a yes or even an answer from him. Another green flag. I think this would be completely fine to ask him given how ready it seems you are to make this work. As for the date I think the 14th/15th would be good. It gives him time to research and think about it before Christmas time which would reduce any stress for Christmas. If everything works out well it would give you time and you could potentially have a qpr for Christmas!!!.

[allhailtheglowcloud]

Hi! It seems like you really like him, and have been thinking about this a lot. I think it would be a good idea to tell him how you feel. Here's my two cents if you're interested: 

Obviously this is your choice, but it might be better to focus on what being in a QPR would mean for your relationship rather than the general sense of what a QPR is - QPRs, by nature, are so diverse in terms of their possibilities that it might make more sense to keep it centred  if you're worried about confusing him. I also think @AroAcedragon15 put it pretty well though.

I really hope it goes well if you decide to tell him, good luck!

Edited December 7, 2024 by allhailtheglowcloud

[forest_gremlin]

3 hours ago, allhailtheglowcloud said:

it might be better to focus on what being in a QPR would mean for your relationship rather than the general sense of what a QPR is - QPRs, by nature, are so diverse in terms of their possibilities that it might make more sense to keep it centred

I do agree and I've also been working on that (and plan to include a section for it on the page) it's kinda of difficult to pick out exactly what it'd mean and be since I've never had a QPR and neither has he. 

I feel like it's not something that would change everything in the current relationship, more something that explains our closeness. Like a QPR I feel will allow us to go "that's my person" and like have it have meaning if that makes sense? It's something to differentiate just friends and how at least I feel about how we are. Kinda like an exclusive relationship type thing too. 

Maybe we'd go and do like cute little platonic dates (which we already talk about sometimes, and he brings them up!) and just spend our lives together. I want us to like be emotionally involved with one another, which is kinda already the current case. Really I feel like what it would mean is a space to be comfortable expressing how we currently are without thinking "this isn't really normal for just friends.." (one of the key lines we end up saying while cuddling, hand holding etc) and just ability to feel normal about something (which is uncommon for the two of us-) 

So yeah, something exclusive and special to us without feeling like two weirdos really. I planned on talking to him about exact specifics when I tell him because I don't want to be the one deciding everything, but also I know I should be ready to kind of take the lead and help explain/guide some things

[forest_gremlin]

UPDATE!!!

I went over to his house again the past weekend and on Sunday I brought it up to him. Not the exact way I had planned because I got embarrassed so I sent him a message about it while he was sitting right beside me. I then sent him the link to the strawpage I made for him. He looked over to me after reading the general info page and said ok to being in a QPR with  me. (my heart literally melted!!!! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) he was so cute when he said ok, he looked so happy and waaahh/pos)

I told him to look at the rest of it and try to make an informed decision. He read through everything else and still stuck with his answer. I was really really happy and so much less stressed out. We looked through some of the links together and we talked about it a bit and well, I know I made the right choice in telling him. 

We keep being a stupid with each other and messing around with different terms to try and use to refer to one another (like zucchini, partner or whatever else) but around people we've just been refering to each other by name, occasionally with a my in front but not too often. So far we haven't told anyone else because it doesn't seem super important to us right now. Anyone close enough to us that we would tell already know him and I have a super close bond and stuff like that. 

Sidenote: we both keep forgetting we're in a qpr now and both get really really happy when we remember. it's kinda silli

[TrueEvergreen]

19 hours ago, forest_gremlin said:

UPDATE!!!

I went over to his house again the past weekend and on Sunday I brought it up to him. Not the exact way I had planned because I got embarrassed so I sent him a message about it while he was sitting right beside me. I then sent him the link to the strawpage I made for him. He looked over to me after reading the general info page and said ok to being in a QPR with  me. (my heart literally melted!!!! (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) he was so cute when he said ok, he looked so happy and waaahh/pos)

I told him to look at the rest of it and try to make an informed decision. He read through everything else and still stuck with his answer. I was really really happy and so much less stressed out. We looked through some of the links together and we talked about it a bit and well, I know I made the right choice in telling him. 

We keep being a stupid with each other and messing around with different terms to try and use to refer to one another (like zucchini, partner or whatever else) but around people we've just been refering to each other by name, occasionally with a my in front but not too often. So far we haven't told anyone else because it doesn't seem super important to us right now. Anyone close enough to us that we would tell already know him and I have a super close bond and stuff like that. 

Sidenote: we both keep forgetting we're in a qpr now and both get really really happy when we remember. it's kinda silli

Congrats! Glad everything worked out for you :)