Boundaries?

[Ryli]

I'm an insecure person that I am sure of. One of the things that is a massive insecurity is my weight. I just started contacting my grandmother once more and it only took a few days for her to cross the boundary I have set time and time again. She commented on the way I eat/my weight. Saying "she dosent want me being all skin and bones" there were multiple times to where her comments would lead to me crying myself to sleep. But a little background first. Hi, my name is Zephyr /Ryli /Lunar, I'm DemiFluid and Demiromantic Asexual, im 19 years old and ADHD, i have a high metabolism so it makes it hard to keep any weight I gain. My grandmother never listens when I remind her that I don't like my weight being mentioned in any way shape or form. I tried talking about it to my mother but she basically agreed with my grandmother. My mother knows how she can be, I only gave my grandmother another chance because. The person I trusted most said "she was trying to make a change" so I reached out and gave it a shot. It turned out like it normally does and my boundaries get crossed. Each. Time.

 

 

 

Why does it hurt more now that it feels like the person I confided to for all these years about EVERYTHING is on my grandmother's side... "Ok, no need to get your panties twisted, you brought up food all she did as a grandparent ( as they do) was make a comment about making sure you eat, nothing more she says it to me all the time. I love you sis but at some point you need to learn what things are worth getting upset over and which aren't"

 

Is what my mother said after I confided in her about my frustration on this topic being brought up.

 

I'm sorry about the word vomit but my family is rather broken and I have very few people I trust IRL my pretty much only friend is still grounded and my fiance is at work and I just need some advice please..

[catparent7092]

Say something like this: "Mom, this is important to me. Hypothetically, were I to get the ability to live away from this household, do you want me to keep in contact with you? The more this happens, the less likely I will." 

 

I don't know how old your grandmother  is.  If she has Alzheimer's or is in the beginning stages of it she likely won't ever abide by your boundaries due to her brain slowly ceasing to function. If she's relatively younger than 65, I'd probably tell her the same. They're telling you "your problems aren't worth the trouble" by telling you what should and shouldn't matter. This is a subjective matter, though, and you, a subject, are declaring that talking about your weight is problematic. If they can't respect that, then they are not respecting you as a person. This is an unfortunate norm as most parents are taught to treat their children as extensions of them: almost like objects.  You are not an object, you are not them, you are you, and they should understand and respect that when you make it known. 

 

Edited November 27 by catparent7092

[Ryli]

My grandmother still has her memory but refuses to remember that boundary, I've come to the conclusion that it was moreso the feeling of betrayal from my mother being on my not so amazing grandmother's side on the topic.

[catparent7092]

37 minutes ago, Ryli said:

My grandmother still has her memory but refuses to remember that boundary, I've come to the conclusion that it was moreso the feeling of betrayal from my mother being on my not so amazing grandmother's side on the topic.

In your shoes, I'd just choose to not care about Grandmother anymore. Your Grandmother might need to hear what I put in quotes in the previous post   but you know your situation best. I'm just giving you advice during your emotional distress.