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Romantic zone


Holmbo
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Have you ever been romantic zoned?
That to say, met someone who you thought was very great and you really wanted to be friends with but they got romantic feelings for you and could never see you any other way?

 

I think romantic zoned (or maybe romance zoned) is a much more useful term than friend zoned. Because really all "friend zoned" really means is that the person want some other relationship than romantic with the person in question.

 

Is there perhaps already another term for this? There should be one so we can have pop culture discussions about how bad we feel for different characters getting romance zoned by people they really care for.

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this has happent to me SOOO many times to me.. T_T

and its sucks a pain in the ass..

 

true we can "still be friends" but the truth is once I make it clear im not interesteed OR they get feelings for someone else (general its both) then they dont have any time for me anymore.. 

 

 

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14 hours ago, Holmbo said:

I think romantic zoned (or maybe romance zoned) is a much more useful term than friend zoned.

Possibly "romo zone(d)"...
 

12 hours ago, Natkat said:

this has happent to me SOOO many times to me.. T_T

and its sucks a pain in the ass..

 

true we can "still be friends" but the truth is once I make it clear im not interesteed OR they get feelings for someone else (general its both) then they dont have any time for me anymore..

Assuming you and they have similar concepts of what friendship involves.

I'm also thinking of the "friends first" concept where it's almost as though friendship is some kind of placeholder until romance becomes an option.

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17 hours ago, Natkat said:

true we can "still be friends" but the truth is once I make it clear im not interesteed OR they get feelings for someone else (general its both) then they dont have any time for me anymore.. 

 

 

The more time I get romo zoned the more I get the impression that romantic interest is something completely different from any other kind of interest in a person. Hence I actually kinda like the concept of different zones (as stupid and broad as the term "friend zone" is). I feel like it's almost as uncommon to move from a persons romo zone to a friend zone as the other way around. The only choice is to leave their zones entirely.

 

5 hours ago, Mark said:

Possibly "romo zone(d)"...

That's a good suggestion. I'm using it now.



 

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I approve of this concept!

 

... although I'm having a hard time figuring out if this has happened to me or not. I mean, I've had several guy friends whose feelings for me seemed at least partially non-platonic (and in some cases a bit creepy), but at the time I didn't really know aro was even a thing, and I tried to take it as a compliment even if I didn't understand their perspective at all. I'm honestly not sure how to tell if people's feelings for me are completely romantic or if there's something of value (to me) in there as well. I tend to look out for the bits that look like they make sense to me, and ignore the rest.

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On 7/12/2016 at 0:27 PM, Mark said:

Possibly "romo zone(d)"...
 

Assuming you and they have similar concepts of what friendship involves.

I'm also thinking of the "friends first" concept where it's almost as though friendship is some kind of placeholder until romance becomes an option.

 

yeah friend-first culture can be quit troublesome. in some way I do like it because I think "if I did develope feelings then it would be best in a more "natural way I feel" compared to when people seek out people specifically to date for no other reason than that. however when you just want to meet friends then it can be really difficult to navigate, specially for people like me who have atypical friendships as well. also specially because people dont believe aromantics are real its like if you say you only want friends people are like "yeah right" but still believe there may be a chance..

 

(I am not good at expressing this, sorry for my clumsy words.)

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  • 3 weeks later...

I do also find this concept useful. The concept of friendzone is indeed to wide. Maybe the zones should be refined in the way I explain in my post Kinds of attraction: an analogy from phonology. Or even, as different people may conceptualize different categories, we should consider the zones according to the person who zones. For instance, when someone friendzones you, they're probably lacking a platonic category.

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I think I'm being romantic zoned by a new coworker, I've caught him looking at me several times in a not so platonic way. I wish that everyone could walk around with sims like icons above their head telling people their relationship interest level, it would make things so much simpler. 

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8 hours ago, Hey you in the corner said:

I think I'm being romantic zoned by a new coworker, I've caught him looking at me several times in a not so platonic way. I wish that everyone could walk around with sims like icons above their head telling people their relationship interest level, it would make things so much simpler. 

 

The closest thing to that is intuition, which gets very complicated when you're acting on assumptions. Unfortunately the only real way to simulate (haha SIMulate) that is to just ask people and have open communication. I personally suck at that, it's so awkward.

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11 hours ago, aussiekirkland said:

I personally suck at that, it's so awkward.

I agree. Another one of my coworkers does the whole "I'm in a relationship and therefore have to set everyone up" thing and I think she wants to try to get us together. She asked me if I'm dating anyone and I told her no and that I'm not interested in dating anyone because I want to focus on school right now; so hopefully she is satisfied with that and won't push anything on me. 

 

BTW, that joke was so bad it put me into a good mood. 

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I feel like many people think that romance works like in the sims. If you flirt with someone long enough they will develop romantic attraction. Unless they're hungry or tired. 

 

By the way, anyone has tips on the quickest way to friend zone? Sometimes I meet someone I really would like to know but I don't want my forwardness to be taken as romantic interest. 

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3 hours ago, Holmbo said:

I feel like many people think that romance works like in the sims. If you flirt with someone long enough they will develop romantic attraction. Unless they're hungry or tired.

Can't forget sims falling in love and marrying after only knowing each other for a day!

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On 1/2/2017 at 11:46 PM, Holmbo said:

By the way, anyone has tips on the quickest way to friend zone? Sometimes I meet someone I really would like to know but I don't want my forwardness to be taken as romantic interest. 

 

When they start expressing romantic interest only speak to them in pig Latin. Eventually they will get annoyed and stop trying. 

 

But honestly I have no idea. If I knew the secret I would be much happier. 

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On 03 January 2017 at 9:46 AM, Holmbo said:

By the way, anyone has tips on the quickest way to friend zone? Sometimes I meet someone I really would like to know but I don't want my forwardness to be taken as romantic interest. 

I suppose the best way would be to just tell them in a totally straightforward manner that you find them interesting, and want to get to know them, and are not interested in any romantic stuff at all... and just hope they take you seriously. I suppose if they don't take you seriously, that says something about their viability as a friend...

 

I for one would prefer it if someone said that to me. I don't like mind games... trying to figure out what people mean is a lot of wasted brainpower. I'm working on restricting the amount of time I spend with people who waste my brainpower.

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I've romance zoned someone who really should have just been a friend (and even then I wished it had stayed that way), mostly thanks to one of those stupid 'falling in love' dreams that pushed me over the edge and turned out to be slightly prophetic. When I very first met him I did feel like I wanted to get to know him better, but not in a romantic way. I hung out with him a lot, but lost interest by the time he did decide to ask me out (he turned out to be selfish and immature, to say the least).

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  • 9 months later...

i call it 'date zone'.  it hasn't exactly happened to me; my friend confessed his romantic attraction to me even knowing i'm aro.  i accepted his offer for a date (dinner) but made it clear it wouldn't change anything.  about half a year later, we're still friends and he has a girlfriend.  often you just have to wait a fairly short time for their attraction to pass.

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On 03/01/2017 at 6:16 PM, Holmbo said:

By the way, anyone has tips on the quickest way to friend zone? Sometimes I meet someone I really would like to know but I don't want my forwardness to be taken as romantic interest. 

I have heard that the word 'buddy' and 'being buddies' is a romo-killing term. Sure they might still leave but using buddy terms leaves no ambiguity in the relationship

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On 2017-10-16 at 5:00 AM, Apathetic Echidna said:

I have heard that the word 'buddy' and 'being buddies' is a romo-killing term. Sure they might still leave but using buddy terms leaves no ambiguity in the relationship

Buddy does seem very unromantic :D
There's a translation problem for me though cause Sweden doesn't have a corresponding word.

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1 hour ago, Holmbo said:

Buddy does seem very unromantic :D
There's a translation problem for me though cause Sweden doesn't have a corresponding word.

Same. I found the word "polare" though, but ehhhhh... no O.o 

"Kompis" is just as bad in my opinion, and I feel like "vän" isn't unromantic enough. 

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