good lord help me

[just-another-human]

ok so basically, i have a friend ive known for a few years (dunno exactly but three or four maybe?) and i want to ask her if she wants to be in a qpr with me. however, im worried by doing so im going to make our friendship awkward if she doesnt. i dont know where she lies on the romantic identity spectrum, as its never really come up. she only ever makes comments (usually about whether she  thinks they are or arent okay as a person) when our other friend is talking about crushes, and i havent ever heard her talk about a crush, but that doesnt mean they dont exist. i also dont know if she considers me a close enough friend for that, despite us being close anyway. im just agonizing over this, because even though i have had queerplatonic feelings for a friend before, i forced myself to stop feeling them because she had a boyfriend and i knew i shouldnt waste head space over it. how tf do you even ask a question like that? like “hey, uh, so i like you platonically, and i kind of want to be in a qpr with you, if thats okay”? and how tf do you set boundaries?? my boundaries are mostly just that i like holding hands and being close to them physically, but not kissing or anything super romantic. i also know both she and i are pretty touch adverse, so for it to be any different than what our friendship is now, she would have to be the same way of “im very touch adverse but nowhere near as much around you”. just agh i dont know what to do advice would be appreciated

[Neon]

First, you need to figure out for yourself if the potential consequences are worth the potential benefits. Is the chance she'll say yes to the QPR worth the potential impact on your friendship? If the answer isn't yes, then you shouldn't do it.

And the rest of what you said is pretty much exactly what you should say to her if she says yes. You know what you need as boundaries, so you sit down and have a natural conversation like that, and she'll share hers as well. It doesn't need to be even a little formal.

[just-another-human]

7 hours ago, Neon said:

First, you need to figure out for yourself if the potential consequences are worth the potential benefits. Is the chance she'll say yes to the QPR worth the potential impact on your friendship? If the answer isn't yes, then you shouldn't do it.

And the rest of what you said is pretty much exactly what you should say to her if she says yes. You know what you need as boundaries, so you sit down and have a natural conversation like that, and she'll share hers as well. It doesn't need to be even a little formal.

ok. thanks, i’ll think about it. i appreciate it