Merrie Posted October 17 Share Posted October 17 I think I might be on the aromantic spectrum, but I still can't work my way around it. Like, all my life I have loved romance, the fiction of it. But the little "experience" I have in romance, has been... Akward. Like part of me doesn't get how I can be reading and be like "KISS KISS KISS""THEY ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER" "They deserve each other!" but in real life feeling like a relationship is suffocating me. As a kid I was like "why have a boyfriend now? As kid I can't do the stuff I see on TV, we can't go to real dates!" And I had crushes before. But now as an "adult" I don't get it! What does real people do between those "romantic moments"? Idk, for me romance is like a super duper friendship, or at least it should be? And I can't even bare the thought of getting in a relationship with someone I wasn't friends previously, is weird as hell, ans I don't get why people do that. Idk, I'm just here to try and figure out stuff, I like this community, at least the concept of how romance isn't really that important as media make it look like, I learned it here, so yeah, whoever read this hope you have a nice day. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neon Posted October 17 Share Posted October 17 I'm not the most avid fan of romance media, but a good story is a good story. I've sobbed to plenty of cute romance stories. But in real life? With me? Absolutely not, no thank you. Brains are funny like that. I hope you have a nice day too and I'm looking forward to seeing you around! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
An Aro Passes Bi Posted October 17 Share Posted October 17 Hello and welcome to the forum :) 12 hours ago, Merrie said: Like, all my life I have loved romance, the fiction of it. But the little "experience" I have in romance, has been... Akward. I’m the same way! Love seeing a compelling romance in fiction, but irl it seems tedious at best and downright suffocating at worse. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 18 Share Posted October 18 Because in fiction, it’s more simplified and idealized than real life. Very pleasant, but unrealistic. It’s a fantasy, no wonder all those fictional media have mainstream appeal to temporarily escape real life. Think of all the violence in media, it’s thrilling, but the average person wouldn’t want to live out action characters’ physically demanding daily lives. Fictional romance, like fictional violence, they typically only show a caricature of it, only the interesting parts are fleshed out and the difficult parts are dumbed down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gl1tter_prince Posted October 18 Share Posted October 18 On 10/16/2024 at 10:35 PM, Merrie said: Like, all my life I have loved romance, the fiction of it. But the little "experience" I have in romance, has been... Akward. Idk, for me romance is like a super duper friendship, or at least it should be? And I can't even bare the thought of getting in a relationship with someone I wasn't friends previously, is weird as hell, ans I don't get why people do that. I feel the same way as you! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zozz Posted October 18 Share Posted October 18 (edited) On 10/17/2024 at 1:35 AM, Merrie said: Like, all my life I have loved romance, the fiction of it. But the little "experience" I have in romance, has been... Akward. Like part of me doesn't get how I can be reading and be like "KISS KISS KISS""THEY ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER" "They deserve each other!" real Edited October 18 by Zozz 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
type._.null Posted October 18 Share Posted October 18 On 10/16/2024 at 11:35 PM, Merrie said: I think I might be on the aromantic spectrum, but I still can't work my way around it. Like, all my life I have loved romance, the fiction of it. But the little "experience" I have in romance, has been... Akward. Like part of me doesn't get how I can be reading and be like "KISS KISS KISS""THEY ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER" "They deserve each other!" but in real life feeling like a relationship is suffocating me. As a kid I was like "why have a boyfriend now? As kid I can't do the stuff I see on TV, we can't go to real dates!" And I had crushes before. But now as an "adult" I don't get it! What does real people do between those "romantic moments"? Idk, for me romance is like a super duper friendship, or at least it should be? And I can't even bare the thought of getting in a relationship with someone I wasn't friends previously, is weird as hell, ans I don't get why people do that. Idk, I'm just here to try and figure out stuff, I like this community, at least the concept of how romance isn't really that important as media make it look like, I learned it here, so yeah, whoever read this hope you have a nice day. hi! i’m the exact same way and for me it has to be a friendship on steroids, like they know everything about me (including stuff like my many illnesses and therianthropy) i don’t get how someone can have a crush on someone they don’t even know. like, how do you know you like them if you don’t know anything about them?? and most of the time, by the time i actually start developing a crush on someone, they just think of me as a friend anyways, sorry for ranting, have a nice day :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zozz Posted October 18 Share Posted October 18 5 hours ago, type._.null said: i don’t get how someone can have a crush on someone they don’t even know. like, how do you know you like them if you don’t know anything about them?? FOR REAL like how does that work 😭 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merrie Posted October 19 Author Share Posted October 19 14 hours ago, type._.null said: hi! i’m the exact same way and for me it has to be a friendship on steroids, like they know everything about me (including stuff like my many illnesses and therianthropy) i don’t get how someone can have a crush on someone they don’t even know. like, how do you know you like them if you don’t know anything about them?? and most of the time, by the time i actually start developing a crush on someone, they just think of me as a friend anyways, sorry for ranting, have a nice day :) I KNOW RIGHT???? For me this was... normal. At least I thought it was until I told this to my family and they said "dates are for getting to know the other person" But why would you go on a date with someone you barely know???? As a friend recently said to me, WE NEED FRIEND DATES, like is such a bliss to get ti know someone on a "friendship context" like I feel in "romance context" people put up a front with so many hopes and expectives for you to like them, I hate it, it makes me so anxious. And YES this all could lead to get to the Friendzone, tho I haven't regretted being on it yet. Dates with people you barely know is the most anxious and worse dates I have ever had. I hate the feeling tgat the other person is kind of "putting a front" and having so many expectations of you liking them back. Like SIR I DIDNT ASK TO HAVE YOUR EMOTIONAL WELL BEING ON MY HANDS TODAY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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