aromantism

[Guest arooooooo]

why do i feel like being aro is really not taken seriously

[Salami]

people think aromanticism is basically straight bc we dont experience attraction. So it doesnt "meaningfuly" attribute to anything bc most aros arent in a romantic/sexual relationship. <- my 2 cents

[organs and bone]

ok here’s a summary of why sorry if it sounds weird i had me nerd glasses on 🤓 

 

Aromaphobia, or the fear and prejudice against aromantic people, is prevalent in both the general public and the LGBTQIA+ community. Aromanticism, which is counter to many western societal expectations, faces pressure to conform to social norms and form permanent romantic relationships. The term "amatonormativity" was coined by Elizabeth Brake, meaning "the pressure or desire for monogamy, romance, and/or marriage". This erasure extends into modern TV media, with characters like Jughead Jones being depicted as heterosexual. To counteract this stigma, community and health organizations have published articles and educational materials. However, the erasure of aromantic identities can also occur within the aspec community, with many aromantic people not identifying as asexual.Aromaphobia, or the fear and prejudice against aromantic people, is prevalent in both the general public and the LGBTQIA+ community. Aromanticism, which is counter to many western societal expectations, faces pressure to conform to social norms and form permanent romantic relationships. The term "amatonormativity" was coined by Elizabeth Brake, meaning "the pressure or desire for monogamy, romance, and/or marriage". This erasure extends into modern TV media, with characters like Jughead Jones being depicted as heterosexual. To counteract this stigma, community and health organizations have published articles and educational materials. However, the erasure of aromantic identities can also occur within the aspec community, with many aromantic people not identifying as asexual.

[ABC]

Yeah, it sucks how in real life forms, when they ask about sexuality for the diversity section (usually for mental things like autism, ADHD, etc, or if you’re POC, and the LGBTQIA+) we just have to pretend we’re “heterosexual” (the options are heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual but no asexual), let alone romantic orientation. And then there’s also the stigma that if we’re “diverse” it’s as if we want special treatment for it, when we just want to be equal to the rest of the world, but unfortunately society prefers simplified lies than complex truths, and they just keep magnifying on the same old stereotypes and ignoring everything else that isn’t the status quo.

[kira-]

besides what’s already been mentioned there’s also the whole thing with people thinking that it’s basically just celibacy.

[ABC]

Yeah, celibacy is when allos suppress their allo feelings, usually for religious/spiritual reasons.

Meanwhile, aros never feel anything at the first place (or if in the spectrum, the feeling is very different and unlike the amatonorm/allonorm), so there’s nothing to suppress if nothing is felt.

[TheSpaceArrow]

People treat us like children because to them the only people who don't have romantic attraction are children, since romance is a sign of growing up. They just can't fathom the concept so they say things like "you'll meet someone eventually" or adults saying "omg ur such a good kid focusing on ur studies!!" 

2 hours ago, ABC said:

Yeah, celibacy is when allos suppress their allo feelings, usually for religious/spiritual reasons.

Meanwhile, aros never feel anything at the first place (or if in the spectrum, the feeling is very different and unlike the amatonorm/allonorm), so there’s nothing to suppress if nothing is felt.

I've met people who've actually gotten mad at me for not having anything to suppress. They feel miserable that they're forced to suppress their attraction so when they see someone like me living their best life, well, it's like a slap in the face. 

[ABC]

 

2 minutes ago, TheSpaceArrow said:

I've met people who've actually gotten mad at me for not having anything to suppress. They feel miserable that they're forced to suppress their attraction so when they see someone like me living their best life, well, it's like a slap in the face. 

As if we cheated to remove attraction, when really we’re just born (or became, if flux, or affected with trauma) to just not have it.

Also, there are other much more reliable signs of adulthood such as getting a driving license, or having entered college/university (or at least already graduated out of high school), or having a full-time job, owning a property, than just whether or not someone feels romantic or even sexual attraction, think of the aces.

[DeltaAro]

13 hours ago, ABC said:

Yeah, celibacy is when allos suppress their allo feelings, usually for religious/spiritual reasons.

Meanwhile, aros never feel anything at the first place (or if in the spectrum, the feeling is very different and unlike the amatonorm/allonorm), so there’s nothing to suppress if nothing is felt.

That's true for aroace folks, but we all know that you can still feel sexual attraction while being aromantic.

So the problem is that negative opinions of aros oscillate between the pole robot 🤖 / emotionally stunted / heartless / childish / “Sheldon Cooper” (if they're ace) and the pole sex-obsessed / animalistic / pervert / serial killer / “Bella Baxter” (if they're allosexual).

Sometimes even the same aro can experience both ends. I guess, especially if they're graysexual.

So, regarding OP, I think we're taken seriously in a way. A bad way.

 

PS: IDK if I really like concepts like amatonormativity. I know they're essential in social justice, but we speak about them like they have a causality of their own. Yet, humans are the only agents in society, nothing else. Humans and their attempts to influence other humans. It's not like a mind virus really existed; humans aren't helpless creatures that cannot resist bad ideas embedded in their culture. If that really were so, all hope for any improvement would be lost anyway, and social development would just be a chaotic system.

So it's astonishing how so many allos accept to believe in multiple inconsistent ideas about love and relationships. Like, “you should really open up to your partner”. But then there's also trauma-dumping, which is bad. Relationships shouldn't be transactional. But then there's also unpaid emotional labor. And so on.

One could fill a book with inconsistent demands that nobody can truly fulfill. Someone especially “smart” will justify all this as the “golden middle way” and accuse us of lacking nuance. However, why don't you just explain it in a straightforward, understandable manner then? Because you can't. It makes no sense, right?

Do allo people like that in the end? Do they enjoy such “games” after all? And they're just subconsciously angry about aros opting out?

[ABC]

12 hours ago, DeltaAro said:

PS: IDK if I really like concepts like amatonormativity. I know they're essential in social justice, but we speak about them like they have a causality of their own. Yet, humans are the only agents in society, nothing else. Humans and their attempts to influence other humans. It's not like a mind virus really existed; humans aren't helpless creatures that cannot resist bad ideas embedded in their culture. If that really were so, all hope for any improvement would be lost anyway, and social development would just be a chaotic system.

So it's astonishing how so many allos accept to believe in multiple inconsistent ideas about love and relationships. Like, “you should really open up to your partner”. But then there's also trauma-dumping, which is bad. Relationships shouldn't be transactional. But then there's also unpaid emotional labor. And so on.

One could fill a book with inconsistent demands that nobody can truly fulfill. Someone especially “smart” will justify all this as the “golden middle way” and accuse us of lacking nuance. However, why don't you just explain it in a straightforward, understandable manner then? Because you can't. It makes no sense, right?

Do allo people like that in the end? Do they enjoy such “games” after all? And they're just subconsciously angry about aros opting out?

Yeah, it sucks that intersectionality will always find a way to hurt, as aroallo I’ve lost count of how many times I’m dismissed as “animalistic pervert” by alloallos and alloaces. And as for the judgementality, it’s really just bullying continued beyond school into adulthood, just because some egos feel the need to feel baseless superiority by asserting barriers of dominance onto others, for whatever justifiable reason.

And then there’s also the additional layers of religious guilt, or the guilt felt by not following gender/cultural roles, no matter what it is, it’s basically just the same behaviors, they want us to opt in to various forms of normativity, with all its contradictions, and then attack us, guilt us for being imperfect, it’s just victim mentality. And if we opt out, it’s as if “how dare you opt out of the system, how will we be able to rank, rate, or control you in relation to everyone else if you don’t fit in?”

As for whether “social development” can work, it might not work in the immediate short-term, but in the long-term it might change. Numerous practices and other things that used to be acceptable and normal centuries ago are taboo now, and vice versa, society is complicated.