Should I try out the label genderfluid?

[Needlemouse]

I'm anxious to try the label gender fluid, because I'm not sure my gender is fluid. I don't know if my self perception changes at all.

 

I have been perceiving myself as a girl, but not as much now. I haven't considered whether or not it felt right, but I'm going to assume it isn't, due to the dysphoria I experience with my body, and people using feminine honorifics and pronouns. Same with the all around fact people perceive me as a girl. The same applies to the possibility for demigirl. I gave that a try and it didn't feel right. Wearing "feminine" clothes and such makes me "feel" feminine. Those clothes don't exactly always make me dysphoric. I do enjoy "feminine" clothes. I like being called feminine things jokingly. And sometimes want to use she/they pronouns.

 

I'm also not a trans man, I don't think. I felt kind of good for some period of time when identifying as such. But I also felt out of place among my boyfriend, and our friend, both of whom are men. I also felt out of place among other men. However there's this masculine/male "feeling" I have felt for a while. I've wanted the surgeries FTM people would want. But I don't always want those surgeries. I get a little happy when perceived as a man. I don't always mind he/him pronouns, and masculine honorifics. I got very happy when mom said I could shop in the man's clothing section. I also go by a masculine name, since it just stuck. I like being called a brother, and boyfriend/husband by my boyfriend.

 

But I prefer they/them pronouns apparently. I feels good being used on me. I've wanted a blend of masculine and feminine sex characteristics. But I've also wanted to look sexless before. I have a gender neutral perception of myself. I can't exactly completely see myself as a gender, if at all. I kind of hate some gender neutral honorifics. I like being when people refer to me as mx (insert last name), and some gender neutral terms. I like when people say I look androgynous, and when people can't tell what gender I am (I've managed to do this in the 8th grade >:D). I also like being called an it. I'm 100% fine with the neutrality present within myself. I feel neither male nor female, and I definitely don't perceive myself as either. That isn't me.

 

I used to identify as genderfluid. I came out to my parents a few years ago, and faced transphobia from both parents, and was told that that isn't a thing. I faced a lot of transphobia, so if I am genderfluid, then that might be why I hate identifying as that and have anxiety about it, and have internalized transphobia.

 

That's just observations and experiences of mine. I don't know if I should go for experimenting with the label genderfluid.

[ASailorStub]

For my $0.02 I think that it’s worth a shot. If the way you identify right now doesn’t feel right, then I think it’s at least worth trying something else. Maybe you go to a trusted friend or partner, and just tell them that you want to try some new labels. Have them just acknowledge you as whatever label you want them to for a few days and see if it feels right. If you think you are gender-fluid, or otherwise it’s perfectly acceptable to just cycle through labels and see what fits