nightflower Posted September 16 Share Posted September 16 i was sure that i am a sex-repusled asexual and also aromantic. but for the second i am not sure anymore. About three and a half years ago, i became friends with a guy, the first two years we had a close friendship, but then my feeling changed to somthing that I have never felt before. Since a few months we life together and I like doing things with him like cuddling, hugs, kisses on lips (nothing sexual), holding hands and just having quality time together. right now we are on something like a qpr and i am completely content with that i dont need to have a romsntic relationship. When i am with him i feel very safe, when we didnt live together i thought about him a lot, i also have some degree of fear of abbandonment and rarely i get butterflies when he comforts me or is very kind to me. I strust him deeply and can talk to him about anything but i still dont know what it is that I feel toward him. Is it romantic or am i confusing it with queerplatonic or alterous. this never happened to me before and i am 26 years old already. am i demi or gray romantic, is it queerplatonic what i am feeling or is it something enirely else. so yeah maybe someone can help me with whats going on here and what my romantic orientation is. feel free to ask further questions if you need more info. I appreciate any input and suggestions. thanks it advance :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrueEvergreen Posted September 16 Share Posted September 16 Honestly it's really difficult to differentiate between romantic and something like alterous attraction, and at the end of the day its kind of up to you whether or not you want to call something romantic or not is fully up to you, as there really isn't a solid line between the two 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted September 16 Share Posted September 16 You know, here's my rule. Kissing = romantic No kissing = alterous I realize it's a lot more complex than that, but that's the barometer I use. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightflower Posted September 17 Author Share Posted September 17 4 hours ago, alto said: You know, here's my rule. Kissing = romantic No kissing = alterous I realize it's a lot more complex than that, but that's the barometer I use. and what about normal kissing then not the passionate one just a peck on the mouth or cheek parents do that to their children too. and maybe it was missunderstood but i wanna find out what my romaantic orientation is not the relatioship, we settled on qpr already i just wanna understand my feelings towards him, becasue those are partly completely new feelings to me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazlohollyfeld1728 Posted September 17 Share Posted September 17 On 9/15/2024 at 11:36 PM, nightflower said: i was sure that i am a sex-repusled asexual and also aromantic. but for the second i am not sure anymore. About three and a half years ago, i became friends with a guy, the first two years we had a close friendship, but then my feeling changed to somthing that I have never felt before. Since a few months we life together and I like doing things with him like cuddling, hugs, kisses on lips (nothing sexual), holding hands and just having quality time together. right now we are on something like a qpr and i am completely content with that i dont need to have a romsntic relationship. When i am with him i feel very safe, when we didnt live together i thought about him a lot, i also have some degree of fear of abbandonment and rarely i get butterflies when he comforts me or is very kind to me. I strust him deeply and can talk to him about anything but i still dont know what it is that I feel toward him. Is it romantic or am i confusing it with queerplatonic or alterous. this never happened to me before and i am 26 years old already. am i demi or gray romantic, is it queerplatonic what i am feeling or is it something enirely else. so yeah maybe someone can help me with whats going on here and what my romantic orientation is. feel free to ask further questions if you need more info. I appreciate any input and suggestions. thanks it advance :) i get this, it's hard to separate and categorise emotions. i'm greyaromantic and 100% ace, i also use aromantic and arospec to describe myself. however i recently became reicioaromantic, which is when your arospec identity is affected by repeated rejection, fear of rejection, etc, so for me right now i don't feel any romantic attraction really and feel an aversion to it. i consider myself greyaro because i was in love once, still kind of am with that person. they're my soulmate and it's never really going to go away for me, our relationship is just messed up a bit right now. i felt almost every kind of attraction for them, platonic, romantic, sensual, aesthetic, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, probably some alterous/queerplatonic. it was mostly mixed together, but the romance part is mainly a very warm, happy feeling, the peaceful part and trustfulness came from more of the spiritual/soulmate connection for me. i used to think about them a good bit, not too much ofc, just think about silly things they said or whatever, but mostly cos 1 they were an active part of my life, and 2 a mix of platonic, romantic, alterous attractions. we never got up to kissing each other but wanted to, but that isn't strictly romantic, at least it wasn't for us. this isn't to say warmth is romantic and trust is spiritual, it's different for everybody. it's a bit hard for me to talk about it so i'm going to leave it there, i hope this helps! you sound very happy and i'm glad for you! some advice, don't worry too much about what you feel, just let yourself feel things and let yourself realise what it is along the way. questioning it too much can lead to unwarranted confusion, because you're creating it for yourself and overthinking, and it can affect the relationship for the worse. but please don't be afraid to question things with your partner, if you're comfortable, go to them first when you're wondering things. it hurts to find out that your partner started questioning the relationship without talking to you. all the best <3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nightflower Posted September 17 Author Share Posted September 17 Thanks for the advice :) 41 minutes ago, lazlohollyfeld1728 said: i get this, it's hard to separate and categorise emotions. i'm greyaromantic and 100% ace, i also use aromantic and arospec to describe myself. however i recently became reicioaromantic, which is when your arospec identity is affected by repeated rejection, fear of rejection, etc, so for me right now i don't feel any romantic attraction really and feel an aversion to it. i consider myself greyaro because i was in love once, still kind of am with that person. they're my soulmate and it's never really going to go away for me, our relationship is just messed up a bit right now. i felt almost every kind of attraction for them, platonic, romantic, sensual, aesthetic, intellectual, emotional, spiritual, probably some alterous/queerplatonic. it was mostly mixed together, but the romance part is mainly a very warm, happy feeling, the peaceful part and trustfulness came from more of the spiritual/soulmate connection for me. i used to think about them a good bit, not too much ofc, just think about silly things they said or whatever, but mostly cos 1 they were an active part of my life, and 2 a mix of platonic, romantic, alterous attractions. we never got up to kissing each other but wanted to, but that isn't strictly romantic, at least it wasn't for us. this isn't to say warmth is romantic and trust is spiritual, it's different for everybody. it's a bit hard for me to talk about it so i'm going to leave it there, i hope this helps! you sound very happy and i'm glad for you! some advice, don't worry too much about what you feel, just let yourself feel things and let yourself realise what it is along the way. questioning it too much can lead to unwarranted confusion, because you're creating it for yourself and overthinking, and it can affect the relationship for the worse. but please don't be afraid to question things with your partner, if you're comfortable, go to them first when you're wondering things. it hurts to find out that your partner started questioning the relationship without talking to you. all the best <3 Thanks for the advice :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted September 20 Share Posted September 20 On 9/16/2024 at 9:11 PM, nightflower said: and what about normal kissing then not the passionate one just a peck on the mouth or cheek I'd call that platonic. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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