Anyone here aro but also not ace?

[MulticulturalFarmer]

Hello there! I feel like there was a post here earlier about this topic, but I'm curious if anyone can relate to being aro but not ace? Or at least not strictly ace? I'm pretty sure i'm somewhere on the aro spectrum, but I definitely feel sexual attraction, but not sure if I fit into the ace category, since I can sometimes feel sexual attraction right away, but I tend to get bored of the person if they aren't intelligent in some way, and I don't mean this in an academic sense, but someone who is willing to learn, asks questions, is very curious about the world, wants to discuss serious topics like philosophy, and I tend to lose interest in the person immediately (not immediately but rather quickly, regardless of how I engaged with the person) in a sexual sense, though I guess we could still be friends? I'm not sure if that makes me gray-ace or something..

[Jot-Aro Kujo]

I'm bisexual

[lemon_boiii]

I'm also on the aro spectrum and allosexual! Romantic attraction is just different for me than sexual attraction. It’s much deeper and meaningful to me. For example when I have a crush on someone it takes a long time to develop and I usually have exclusively romantic attraction to them, vs if I am attracted to someone in the other way it’s much faster, not particularly meaningful to me and I don’t really have any sort of attachment to them(unless they’re my friend of course, would never let my pookies go like that I love them <3)

[Guest]

Yes! For me I just don’t relate to romanticism at all, although I can appreciate it in fictional settings, although for sexuality, I can totally relate.

[Duck The Guy]

helloooo another aro with sexual attraction here!! its a bit weird for me too sometimes so i don't really label my sexual attraction, except demisexual is pretty close :P

[MulticulturalFarmer]

20 hours ago, Duck The Guy said:

helloooo another aro with sexual attraction here!! its a bit weird for me too sometimes so i don't really label my sexual attraction, except demisexual is pretty close :P

I feel you, idk if sapiosexual or even demisexual is quite the word for me, all I know is that I lose interest in someone sexually if they start spouting conspiracy theories, and don't have a basic knowledge of science, psychology, daily, skills needed for daily living, and overall lack critical thinking

On 9/17/2024 at 8:29 AM, ABC said:

Yes! For me I just don’t relate to romanticism at all, although I can appreciate it in fictional settings, although for sexuality, I can totally relate.

Definitely depends on how the scenes are written and what literary tools are used to describe the romance that's growing (and any discussions they have around the topic of the relationship, or if they confess any secrets) but I agree with what you are saying overall. 

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

Hey there! I'm technically a non-SAM aro, but I still call myself aroallo most of the time than not since I experience sexual attraction! It's just that my sexuality/allosexuality is utterly unimportant to me now, and I often literally forget about it. My aromanticism has become a lot more valuable to me as time goes on, and in both a joking and reflexive sense, it feels like my aromanticism has "eaten away at" my allosexuality.

Edited September 24, 2024 by The Newest Fabled Creature

[MondoBilby]

I'm bisexual :) I don't really focus too much on my sexuality though, like the post above me said, my aromanticism often takes the forefront of my identity. Probably because being aro feels more important to me since it's a much lesser known and lesser accepted thing, so I tend to put a lot more acknowledgement on it than my sexuality.

[Ray0May0]

HERE, Im a trans man, that also just happens to be gay platonically.....  in a QPR way, But ever since I found out I was aromantic(omg grammerly keeps correcting it to romantic..) I've been more expressive about it, Idk me being a trans man and being aromantic feel much more important to me than being gay personally that's just me

[MulticulturalFarmer]

2 hours ago, Ray0May0 said:

HERE, Im a trans man, that also just happens to be gay platonically.....  in a QPR way, But ever since I found out I was aromantic(omg grammerly keeps correcting it to romantic..) I've been more expressive about it, Idk me being a trans man and being aromantic feel much more important to me than being gay personally that's just me

I see so you're gay when it comes to sexual attraction? I believe that's what you're saying right. But when it comes to relationships you are into people in a platonic way? So if I can ask, does that mean you are into FWBs, or maybe other forms of casual arrangements? Trying to figure that out myself.

[Ray0May0]

10 hours ago, MulticulturalFarmer said:

I see so you're gay when it comes to sexual attraction? I believe that's what you're saying right. But when it comes to relationships you are into people in a platonic way? So if I can ask, does that mean you are into FWBs, or maybe other forms of casual arrangements? Trying to figure that out myself.

Yes, but there aren't benefits to it what I'm trying to say is.. it's like a DIY relationship(How I define a QPR), let's say I was in a queerplatonic with someone and we both communicate to one another about our wants/needs in the relationship we both mutually know we don't romantically have feelings for each other but we both want to fulfill our sexual wants, and still want to add other stuff like affection too, does that make sense? and to answer what I said about benefits, what benefits mean to me is someone receiving only sexual intimacy which isn't the case for me because I still want to cuddle someone, hug, hang out, and go on dates in a deep connection sort of way of course. So I'm not just mainly focused on sex. but that solely depends on whether the person is asexual or not, if they are then we'll leave out that stuff and whatever makes them uncomfortable.

[the.pea.and.the.sun]

im very much aromantic and allosexual. im bisexual, and dont feel attracted to everyone but definitely can feel sexual attraction to anyone. im personally not demisexual, since while getting to know someone can make me more attracted to them/comfortable with them, for me its definitely not a requirement. ive had some limited experience w FWBs, and for the most part really enjoy them! (although i dont tend to call them that) i havent been able to initiate one where we were friends first, so far the relationships were sexual first. id like to have FWB-type or qpr situations with my friends, but i worry how people will react to hearing that you're specifically only interested in them sexually and as a friend, especially since for a lot of people the idea of having a sexual non-romantic relationship either hasn't occurred to them, or they see it as something inherently immoral, even among a lot of the sex-positive types.

[Zozz]

Im greysexual if that counts?

[An Aro Passes Bi]

Yep—aromantic and bisexual here. 
 

[MulticulturalFarmer]

On 10/8/2024 at 2:58 AM, the.pea.and.the.sun said:

im very much aromantic and allosexual. im bisexual, and dont feel attracted to everyone but definitely can feel sexual attraction to anyone. im personally not demisexual, since while getting to know someone can make me more attracted to them/comfortable with them, for me its definitely not a requirement. ive had some limited experience w FWBs, and for the most part really enjoy them! (although i dont tend to call them that) i havent been able to initiate one where we were friends first, so far the relationships were sexual first. id like to have FWB-type or qpr situations with my friends, but i worry how people will react to hearing that you're specifically only interested in them sexually and as a friend, especially since for a lot of people the idea of having a sexual non-romantic relationship either hasn't occurred to them, or they see it as something inherently immoral, even among a lot of the sex-positive types.

This definitely requires a lot of nuance for sure, and definitely a lot of deliberation, and getting to know them for a very, very long time so you have a rough idea of their preferences. It's definitely not a good idea to come on too strong out of nowhere.

51 minutes ago, An Aro Passes Bi said:

Yep—aromantic and bisexual here. 
 

Nice username, btw. I definitely feel like I was the only one for a very long time ;(

Edited October 15, 2024 by MulticulturalFarmer
added words

[Vegas]

I'm fairly confident I'm aromantic, but I'm not really too asexual. I enjoy having sex with females, just don't feel a romantic connection or attraction when I do. 

[aro_elise]

me ✌️ your experience with sexual attraction sounds different from mine but i suppose everyone's is a little different, doesn't necessarily mean you're ace-spec

[Vegas]

@aro_eliseyeah same - it's different for me,but I think it's different for everyone. Agreed