if i’m aroace can i have a type

[fource.of.red]

i currently identify as demiromantic asexual. i’ve always known i feel immense aesthetic attraction, though. as a nonbinary person, i’d like to say that gender/appearance has never mattered to me… but that’s not exactly the case.

despite being aspec, i’ve always wanted a relationship. i’m currently in one and i’m very happy about it! out of privacy, i won’t say too much, but my partner is a cis girl.

this isn’t completely exclusive to her, but i have always seen myself wanting to date girls/fem people rather than guys/masc people. a few years before meeting my current partner, i was in a situationship with a girl as well (the details aren’t important, point is i liked her).

i also choose to present myself in a very feminine way, to the point where if you saw me in real life i’d look like a girl despite not being one. i normally find myself drawn to people like that, even if they aren’t cis. so i wouldn’t mind dating a nonbinary person either, but i do still have that physical type thing.

i’ve questioned being lesbian before and i’m not completely opposed to it, but i feel like demiromantic encapsulates everything a lot better. the thing is, my “type” or preference for fem people is more aesthetic attraction-based. i’m wondering if it’s okay for that to tie into romantic attraction. i can’t see myself in a relationship with a guy, because i don’t find guys aesthetically attractive.

i've always felt weird making comments about any type of physical attraction, mostly due to the fact that i am asexual and i don’t necessarily want appearance to have to be a dealbreaker- it’s one of the things i like about being ace. i know it’s not wrong in any way to have a type, but the different kinds of attraction keep confusing me. it feels weird to comment on attraction at all as an ace person when it shouldn’t technically matter to me. i don’t want to be someone who makes restrictions based on that.

i know for a fact i’m ace, i’ve known that for 5 years, but sometimes my aesthetic attraction can be extremely strong to the point where i confuse it for [intimate] attraction, even though i know it’s not. in my relationship now, i was mostly drawn to my partner’s personality, same with everyone else i’ve ever liked (further solidifying why i’m demiromantic), but i feel like i just haven’t had that experience with people outside of my type/preference.

so i guess my question is, can i be aspec and still have a type aesthetically? does it make me a lesbian to prefer girls/fem people or can i just say demiromantic without further specifying?

finally, does anyone else feel this way? whether you prefer fem people or masc people or any specific type of person. i’d kind of like to know i’m not alone in this.

[Ekaterina]

Angled aros/aces are a thing, especially if you are arospec/acespec not completely without romantic/sexual attraction (and if you are a demiromantic, you can have romantic attraction under specific circumstances, and therefore this romantic attraction can be oriented, just like everyone else's). Whether or not you want to specify it as a part of your orientation is up to you. 

And if the question is about having a type aesthetically, then it's completely natural that people have aesthetic preferences, too. 

About me feeling a similar way: I can have some pseudo-romantic feelings for fictional characters, I'm not sure right now if those feelings are even romantic (could be some version of aesthetic, so maybe a somewhat similar situation), but they are angled (the targets tend to be male), so while my main label is aro, I can call myself fictoromantic, or to specify more precisely I can call myself fictoheteroromantic. By this analogy, you could call yourself something like demihomoromantic if that's how you feel? 

[Atlas]

7 hours ago, fource.of.red said:

the thing is, my “type” or preference for fem people is more aesthetic attraction-based. i’m wondering if it’s okay for that to tie into romantic attraction. i can’t see myself in a relationship with a guy, because i don’t find guys aesthetically attractive.

i am the exact same way! its 100% okay and of course can be connected to romantic attraction/relationship preference. i mean for most alloromantics, aesthetic and romantic fall hand in hand, not one without the other. everyone experiences attraction differently 

 

7 hours ago, fource.of.red said:

it feels weird to comment on attraction at all as an ace person when it shouldn’t technically matter to me. i don’t want to be someone who makes restrictions based on [appearance]

that is a totally valid feeling to have but aesthetic attraction is different to sexual. it isn't inherently connected and your identities can co-exist without mixing. and yeah i mean with restricting relationships that can suck especially as you weren't expecting it to happen- being aroace and all gives an impression that if you were to want a relationship/qpr then gender or appearance wouldn't matter but that's not true! everyone's different and you can't help your attraction

 

7 hours ago, fource.of.red said:

i’ve questioned being lesbian before and i’m not completely opposed to it, but i feel like demiromantic encapsulates everything a lot better.

well that's it. you prefer demiromantic :0 its your choice what to identify as

 

7 hours ago, fource.of.red said:

so i guess my question is, can i be aspec and still have a type aesthetically? does it make me a lesbian to prefer girls/fem people or can i just say demiromantic without further specifying?

 

yes and its up to you what feels more comfortable!

7 hours ago, fource.of.red said:

finally, does anyone else feel this way? whether you prefer fem people or masc people or any specific type of person. i’d kind of like to know i’m not alone in this.

im arospec saphhic. i experience aesthetic attraction towards girls and fem-presenting non-binary folk and very occasionally romantic attraction (although im too sure which is why im sticking with arospec). why sapphic and not lesbian? im not sure, just seems more fluid and comfortable to me. my attraction is very disconnected eg. i dont experience romantic attraction when i feel aesthetic attraction and vice versa. same with alterous it doesn't mix

[Guest M24]

Can you have a type for just sensual and aesthetic attraction?This question is for ppl in the replies lol

[Atlas]

On 8/29/2024 at 4:41 AM, Guest M24 said:

Can you have a type for just sensual and aesthetic attraction?This question is for ppl in the replies lol

ofc!! i don't see why not? everyone's attraction differs, its 100% valid to have preferences like gender in less-known attractions same as romantic and sexual.

really the difference is that people considered romantic+sexual to be most important throughout history which has given us terms like homo/hetro/bi/pan/etc.romantic  and homo/hetro/bi/pan/etc.sexual  rather than ______aesthetic and ________sensual.

and stuff like hair, eye colour, body shape, whatever for types is the same as well i'd presume

the spilt attraction model is incredible because it shows how attraction doesn't have to go hand in hand but ofc it does like most allo peeps who are attracted to the same gender in everything (romantic/sexual/aesthetic). it makes absolute total sense!!