What do you guys do when someone has a crush on you?

[tiger_hoods12]

For me, personally, any time I find out or figure out that someone likes me, I always avoid that person. This is kind of something that I do just naturally. I really hate it when people develop feelings for me. It can make me really uncomfortable at times when I’m just trying to hang out with them and they try to make some sort of move. So to defuse that tension, I don’t hang out or talk to them as much. This also lets them lose feelings for me over that period of time. I know, technically, I could just tell them I’m aromantic but so many people don’t know what that is and when I tell them they just forget. But anyway, what do you guys do?

[TheSpaceArrow]

I would not be able to look at them with a straight (ha) face. I wouldn't avoid them because that's mean and too obvious, but I feel like I'd be more distant with them. I would avoid looking them in the eye and cool it with the teasing a little (I joke around with everyone, that's just how I balance out my social anxiety and awkardness) because I don't want to lead them on. I like to think that I'd talk it out with them and let them down gently, but I know that in real life it would be very unsmooth and awkward. I know nothing about romantic attraction and will probably take it lightly since I don't know what it's like to be rejected. Which is why I feel so bad when someone likes me because it'll just end badly for both of us. 

[Peggy]

Honestly, I wouldn't really do anything. Having a crush isn't anyone's choice, and I have a lot of friends who've had crushes on other friends, and they're always terrified of losing their friendship if they say anything. I don't want to lose a friendship with anyone regardless of whether they like me, so I'd just remain friends with them. If they actually told me they like me, I'd just say I'm not interested in them, and might tell them I'm aro, but I'd leave it up to them what they want to do from there - if they want to distance themselves from me so that they have time to get over me, that's okay, but if they just want to keep going the same way we are, that's alright for me, too. I just keep in mind they can't control their feelings towards me, and it'll die down in time, especially if they know I don't like them back.

Something like this happened to me a few years ago, a guy who I'd known for quite a while had a crush on me for many many years. We were friendly but not super close - I think one of the reasons he had a crush on me was because I was always nice to him and he didn't really have many friends. He went on a school trip that a few of my friends went on, and ended up hanging out with them and just talking about me constantly on that trip - eventually, my friends told him I was aro and wasn't interested. He ended up texting me just asking to talk about it because he thought it would help him get over me, and I think it did help him a bit, but I know he was absolutely devastated, and it was actually really tough on his mental health. He distanced himself from me for a while, but now we're still friendly and talk every once in a while, although not too often.

[tiger_hoods12]

2 hours ago, TheSpaceArrow said:

I would not be able to look at them with a straight (ha) face. I wouldn't avoid them because that's mean and too obvious, but I feel like I'd be more distant with them. I would avoid looking them in the eye and cool it with the teasing a little (I joke around with everyone, that's just how I balance out my social anxiety and awkardness) because I don't want to lead them on. I like to think that I'd talk it out with them and let them down gently, but I know that in real life it would be very unsmooth and awkward. I know nothing about romantic attraction and will probably take it lightly since I don't know what it's like to be rejected. Which is why I feel so bad when someone likes me because it'll just end badly for both of us. 

I can see where you’re coming from and totally get what you mean!! I don’t think people understand that it is MUCH HARDER being the REJECTER rather than it is being the REJECTED!!

 

1 hour ago, Peggy said:

Honestly, I wouldn't really do anything. Having a crush isn't anyone's choice, and I have a lot of friends who've had crushes on other friends, and they're always terrified of losing their friendship if they say anything. I don't want to lose a friendship with anyone regardless of whether they like me, so I'd just remain friends with them. If they actually told me they like me, I'd just say I'm not interested in them, and might tell them I'm aro, but I'd leave it up to them what they want to do from there - if they want to distance themselves from me so that they have time to get over me, that's okay, but if they just want to keep going the same way we are, that's alright for me, too. I just keep in mind they can't control their feelings towards me, and it'll die down in time, especially if they know I don't like them back.

Your response is definitely the most mature one. 😅 In my experience, most of the people that end up crushing on me are people I am not that close to anyways. I am pretty picky when it comes to forming friendships. So, avoiding/not spending as much time with them doesn’t really hurt me in the sense of losing a friend. It could hurt for them but the way I see it is that we weren’t really that close anyway. 

Edited August 23 by tiger_hoods12

[.CORALINE.]

I honestly don't know because no one has ever had a crush on me since I found out I'm aro, but I guess it depends on thar person's attitudine, the way they manifest it and how I feel with that person. I might avoid any situation in which we're alone but try to make it work as a friendship despite all. I don't know

[The Newest Fabled Creature]

What I've always done, especially if it's someone I was friends with, was simply tell them that I literally couldn't feel the same way, and in some scenarios I have had to come out as aromantic to them. With complete strangers, yeah I would totally end up avoiding them afterward.

I luckily haven't had too many experiences with people that I cared for so deeply suddenly confessing romantic feelings towards me, since a lot of my allo friends, both queer and not, would tell our friend groups that they made it a rule to not date very close friends of theirs. This doesn't stop attraction if you experience it of course, and although in some cases I had concerns for friends that have stated this since it could imply that they had a traumatic experience crushing on a best friend, in most cases this was simply a boundary that they had set for themself, regardless of the reason, and I respect that. But, yeah.

it's kind of funny though, because once I started accepting my aromanticism in the late stages of high school, everyone I was remotely friendly with were coming out of the woodwork confessing their crushes on me; even complete strangers who I didn't even know in school that would tell me, "Yeah, I loved your style, you looked cute in the clothes you wore," which, my dude, ain't that aesthetic attraction?? I digress.

[Peggy]

On 8/22/2024 at 11:14 PM, tiger_hoods12 said:

Your response is definitely the most mature one. 😅 In my experience, most of the people that end up crushing on me are people I am not that close to anyways. I am pretty picky when it comes to forming friendships. So, avoiding/not spending as much time with them doesn’t really hurt me in the sense of losing a friend. It could hurt for them but the way I see it is that we weren’t really that close anyway. 

Oh yeah, I was really just thinking of friends having a crush on me. Because honestly if someone who I didn't really know had a crush on me, I just wouldn't care. Like, I would just tell them I'm not interested and move on. It's just with the people who I like spending time around, and who I see frequently, that I would care about what happened. But I feel like, if a friend has a crush on you, you really just have to be mature in order to maintain that friendship. Because it's going to be just as awkward for that person, who has just let you in on a huge secret and is now dealing with the fact that you don't reciprocate these feelings for them. Like yes, I stand by what I said earlier about letting the person decide how they want their friendship with me to go, because if they need space in order to get over me, I'll give it to them. But I'll also make it very very clear to them that I still care about them and still want to be friends with them despite this, because I feel like their first instinct would be to distance themselves from me which isn't necessarily what I want.

[Neon]

Now, in theory I would tell them firmly I’m not interested and we would continue our prior relationship. In practice I panic and avoid them.

[Mult]

I've tried starting friends, but in my experience, they aren't satisfied with that and try to start something anyway. So I just scream internally.

[MondoBilby]

It’s never happened to me, and I hope to god it never does because I’d get so nervous and uncomfortable and I really don’t want to make people upset. It’d especially suck if the person was already going through some shit, I don’t want to make it worse, man :(

I do feel that rejecting can be better because I’m aro though, because if I tell them I’m incapable of feeling that way about anybody then they’d know 100% that it’s not them, it’s me. That is a bit of wishful thinking though, it probably wouldn’t go as smoothly as I think it would.

Buy yeah, if it’s a stranger, I avoid. If it’s a friend, I just get sad lol

[ABC]

I’d just act oblivious to it if they don’t explicitly express it, by explicit expression I mean directly saying “I have a crush on you” as opposed to certain actions like writing a particular name in good handwriting on some arts and crafts paper, or suddenly waxing poetic around me, or perhaps always trying to sit/stand near me (all have happened to me back in middle and high school).

And if they admit having it and I reject it and they’re saddened and hurt over it, well, that’s on them. Not in a mean way, but in a way that as an aro, even when I know they aren’t aro like I am and therefore place value to romance differently, they themselves are responsible for handling their hurt feelings if the crush they have is aro (or any other valid reason, really) and it’s not our responsibility to soothe someone else’s feelings, although the allonormative world will blame it back on us for rejecting a good person (what if they’re just infatuated and a stranger instead of a friend, ick) and all those nasty myths about aros.

We’re damned to get dragged into dating and all that stuff if we accept, but also damned as being cruel if we reject it at the first place.