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Cereal Tendencies

Aromantic Confessions

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I confess to considering inventing the term "theoromantic" because quite honestly, I love my gods in rather romantic terms, but not people. 

 

I know it's bizarre, but I'm too tired to care.

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I confess that even though I've had to help several friends through relationship issues and breakups at this point, my default response when someone comes to me crying about their romantic problems is still to unconsciously acquire a horrified deer-in-headlights facial expression and nervously offer them junk food to make them feel better because oh god why is water leaking out of your face about something I don't understand please help what do???

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I confess that my first years of university, when I was hanging out with my best friend every day, were the happiest I've ever been, and now I'm in despair because I don't think I'll ever be that happy again. 

On 1/23/2017 at 10:28 PM, LunarSeas said:

I confess to considering inventing the term "theoromantic" because quite honestly, I love my gods in rather romantic terms, but not people. 

 

I know it's bizarre, but I'm too tired to care.

Is this your tumblr?

 

http://lunaticonthenile.tumblr.com/post/156412996557/if-theoromantic-doesnt-yet-exist-as-a-term-it

 

Because if not, you're not alone. 

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Basically whenever someone announces they're in a romantic relationship I act like I'm really excited for them while on the inside I'm like debating how soon their relationship is going to end. I'm rather cynical/a lot more realistic than allos about relationships so I'm usually like okay....that's going to last....surrrrre but on the outside I'm like you're so cute together!!!! OTP!!!!

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I confess that once my close friends get into romantic relationships, I start betting when our friendship is going to end. Or perhaps, "end," isn't the right word? "Demoted in favour of romance" would be better. In fact, because of that fear and suspicion, I tend to preemptively "make myself invisible" whenever my close friends bring their romantic partners along in social situations. I third wheel myself. No, I completely remove myself as the third wheel, so that there are only two wheels, and I am not part of the equation...

 

1nd0mn.jpg 

 

 

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On 4/16/2017 at 5:56 PM, omitef said:

I confess that once my close friends get into romantic relationships, I start betting when our friendship is going to end. Or perhaps, "end," isn't the right word? "Demoted in favour of romance" would be better. In fact, because of that fear and suspicion, I tend to preemptively "make myself invisible" whenever my close friends bring their romantic partners along in social situations. I third wheel myself. No, I completely remove myself as the third wheel, so that there are only two wheels, and I am not part of the equation...

 

1nd0mn.jpg 

 

 

Oh man, I do this to myself too.  Like, I'm happy that my friends are happy and getting married, good for them, but I also feel like I'm getting left behind somehow or that I'm getting in the way of their "couple time" somehow even though I've been invited along.  Its like a subconcious whisper that I'm not gonna matter as much in their lives now.  It's stupid, but I feel like I'll forever be the odd one out as everyone else i know finds a partner/partners unless I somehow beat the odds and find myself a QPP.

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@starstuff My current QPP just got a boyfriend and I'm not gonna lie, I've been alternating between extreme joy and extreme heartbreak since. 

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I confess that the famous quote "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" pisses me off everytime I hear it

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i confess that sometimes I seriously consider running back into the closet with the few people i am actually out to- both those I'm out to because I wanted to be, and those who I'm out to who I never wanted to be out to...

 

"Yeah, you were right, I was just going through a phase/confused/making it up for attention (things I've personally been told), I'm really just a cisgender, heterosexual, heteromantic (not to mention neurotypical and mentally healthy...) "normal" person."

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On 4/16/2017 at 5:56 PM, omitef said:

In fact, because of that fear and suspicion, I tend to preemptively "make myself invisible" whenever my close friends bring their romantic partners along in social situations. I third wheel myself. No, I completely remove myself as the third wheel, so that there are only two wheels, and I am not part of the equation...

I find myself doing this too. I think that, at least for me, it comes from a mixture of fear, romance repulsion, and internalized arophobia/amatonormativity. I have been convinced by society that I am inherently less important than my friends' romantic partners, and so I subconsciously remove myself from situations that reinforce that idea in order to make what I feel is an inevitable outcome less awkward and less painful.

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I'm already 21. I've realised for a while that the older I grow, the harder it will be for me to hide without awakening suspicion. I decided I could tell the truth without revealing the terminology behind it. Such as "I can't consider entering a relationship with someone unless we're very close/best friends in the first place". How plausible does this sound? 

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2 hours ago, Ice Queen said:

Such as "I can't consider entering a relationship with someone unless we're very close/best friends in the first place". How plausible does this sound? 

To me, it makes perfect sense. No idea how other people will understand it though.

 

My personal explanation is something like "I'm only interested in friendship". I wouldn't even consider "entering" a "relationship" anyway, because I don't really even know how that works... is it like a room with a door? Or more like a dungeon with a ladder? :rofl: 

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11 minutes ago, SoulWolf said:

To me, it makes perfect sense. No idea how other people will understand it though.

 

My personal explanation is something like "I'm only interested in friendship". I wouldn't even consider "entering" a "relationship" anyway, because I don't really even know how that works... is it like a room with a door? Or more like a dungeon with a ladder? :rofl: 

It's a queerplatonic life partner that I'd like to have. :P

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I confess that I actually low key fear being so close friends with non-aro people. I just... seem to put a wall in between them and myself when I recall they are not aro, to protect myself from being a lot more hurt if they end up in a relationship.

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2 hours ago, ApeironStella said:

I confess that I actually low key fear being so close friends with non-aro people. I just... seem to put a wall in between them and myself when I recall they are not aro, to protect myself from being a lot more hurt if they end up in a relationship.

Honestly, I really relate to this. I'm...I suppose lucky in a sense?...because most of the people I wind up being drawn to being really close friends with are generally somewhere on the aro spectrum. But honestly that little bit of "spectrum" even scares me a bit...I don't know, it's probably partially because I'm a bit paranoid/anxious by nature, partially because I sort of view my friends like a found family even when it's realistically probably unlikely that we'll all wind up sticking together just because of where we are in life (what happens after we graduate from college, if there's even still a future for us to have with the way the world is going right now? There's just no way to know, especially seeing as we all want to do rather different things with our lives), and partially because (perhaps contradictorily) it's hard for me to let myself entertain the possibility that other people could really be similarly uninterested in the whole romance partner thing, because for the longest time I thought I was the only one. I dunno, this kind of turned into a ramble, sorry.

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On 4/18/2017 at 8:22 PM, Cereal Tendencies said:

I confess that the famous quote "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" pisses me off everytime I hear it

I actually agree with this quote. My cat is getting old and I know I only have a few years left with him, but I'd rather have him and deal with that heartbreak than never have adopted him in the first place. People on the other hand, they're not as important. 

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I agree with that quote too, but not so much in a romantic sense - like Hey You in the corner I apply it more to friends/family/pets than romantic loves. OK, two of those categories are people, but it's kind of the same? :P 

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I confess that it won't end up prettily if my significants others wouldn't just shut up about the whole effin' 'romance and kid' thing.

 

Yeah I get it! Kids are awesoome, they are literally balls of sunshine yada yada... I'M MOTHERF*CKIN' 17 GUYS, IT ISN'T EVEN THE RIGHT TIME FOR ME TO THINK ABOUT THAT ! AND WHY WOULD YOU ALWAYS LINKED KIDS WITH ROMANCE HUH ??

Oh and sure, I will just wait around the corner when 'this significant other that will change everything' will have the kindness to come to me. Of course. Right. *sarcasm over 9000*

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I'm in this facebook group called "confessions" where people post confessions. And every time someone posts about relationship drama in there I roll my eyes. This happens quite often. I'd post this in there but I don't want to offend anyone.

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I confess that I resent the people who used to be my close friends who got married and had babies and quit hanging out with me.  And I resent even more that they think there's nothing wrong with that.

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On 26/01/2017 at 10:32 AM, Dodecahedron314 said:

I confess that even though I've had to help several friends through relationship issues and breakups at this point, my default response when someone comes to me crying about their romantic problems is still to unconsciously acquire a horrified deer-in-headlights facial expression and nervously offer them junk food to make them feel better because oh god why is water leaking out of your face about something I don't understand please help what do???

This is kinda the safest option! because the one time I decided to try something different I accidentally started a rant on how bad his personality was and that the last few weeks had been full of emotional manipulation on his part and I had been so proud of her when she broke up with him a week ago and  why was she sad about finding out about his cheating if she had already dumped him? it did not go over well. Now I just offer icecream and hugs. 

 

On 17/04/2017 at 4:48 AM, TheGreatUnstitched said:

Basically whenever someone announces they're in a romantic relationship I act like I'm really excited for them while on the inside I'm like debating how soon their relationship is going to end. I'm rather cynical/a lot more realistic than allos about relationships so I'm usually like okay....that's going to last....surrrrre but on the outside I'm like you're so cute together!!!! OTP!!!!

I thought I was the only one to do this! 

 

I confess that the first time I heard my best friend do 'baby talk' as an endearment to their partner I excused myself to throw up I was so revolted. Still makes my skin crawl and I have to leave the room. 

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I have a frend who keeps going on about her lack of relationships, and everytime she speaks to me about it I don't know how to respond. For her it's the worst thing in the world, but for me it's just another day in the life of me and I'm fine.

 

One thing that really pissed me off was how she spoke on finding a date, that they couldn't be poor and needed to at least  be earning the same money as her. She even turned down dating a guy she was really  into because he lived too far away, which was few hours drive. And when I snapped about this, she mentioned about the drive getting there and back, being exhausted and the longer distance relationship was a no-go.

 

I don't know if I've got a naive mentality when it comes to romance, but that, that just angered me to no end. It seemed like shallow thinking instead of being guided by emotions.

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